- Hey, what's up.
It's me, Jessica J.
And today's video is gonna be a little different.
I'm going to explain the concept of,
"If you have to ask, you already know."
Which explains the title of this video.
If someone likes, you'll know, especially if she doesn't.
So, to make sure you never miss out on opportunities
to find out exactly how to keen in on someone's interest
in you or lack thereof or another one of my videos,
don't forget to hit the subscribe button
with that notification bell. Okay.
So, a lot of guys who reach into me
are actually already very interested in a woman.
They also have a feeling that she isn't interested in them.
So, what they do is they contact me
to try to get some glimmer of hope like,
"Oh my God, maybe Jessica, a woman,
will tell me that she really is secretly into me,
even though she definitely doesn't seem like it."
And I'm here to tell you, like I mentioned earlier,
if you have to ask, you already have your answer.
Because as adults, we just know when someone wants us.
It's not rocket science.
We all get that feeling like,
"Ooh, I think he's into me."
Or in your case, "Ooh, I bet she's into me. I know she is."
And I'm here to tell you to listen to your gut
and not the hope you have that has been improperly implanted
in your brain due to your attachment injury.
So, what do I mean by that?
For those of you who don't know
what an attachment injury is,
basically our attachment to partners or significant others,
or our attraction towards others in our adult lives
stems from our attachment in our childhood
to our primary caregivers.
So, if you are hanging on to for dear life,
to somebody who isn't hanging on for dear life
just as much as you,
it's probably due to your programming
from your attachment style.
And if this is you and you're still listening,
chances are you suffer from an Anxious Attachment Injury.
So, there's plenty of attachment styles that you can go
and Google after this.
But I'm talking about Anxious Attachment,
which stems from inconsistent parenting styles.
So for instance,
maybe you had parents who were super busy all the time,
never gave you the love, time and attention,
and affection that you deserved.
And every now and then you'd get a little bit of it.
This also stems from parents who were neglectful
or abusive in any way.
But as a child, you still look to your parent
to give you the means to survive.
So, this causes a confusion in the child,
leaving them desperate for wanting more.
Leaving them hoping for more.
Leaving them clinging to these bouts of hope
that their parent will one day come through for them
because chances are maybe you were fed.
Maybe you did get shelter.
Maybe you did get the occasional hug and kiss and shit,
but in the grand scheme of things,
you have to look out for it and desperately hope for it.
As adults, these are people who pine after
another person to give them that love and affection
and validation that we so desperately craved as children.
Especially when you get inconsistent signals
from that person.
It reminds us so much of what we had as a child.
That as adult in a way, we're trying to correct that issue
that was never resolved as a kid.
We think to ourselves,
if we could just correct it as an adult,
"I will finally feel like I'm a worthy person."
But like I say all the time,
another person will never determine your worth.
I'll give you an example.
I had parents that were extremely neglectful.
My mother, she worked a lot.
She worked the midnight shift, so it's 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
And anytime she was around,
she was asleep and she was tired,
and she was always super cranky.
I was never told, "I love you."
I was never hugged. I was never kissed.
But I remember as a kid being desperate
for my mother to just look at me.
She forgot to pick me up from school all the time.
But I adored this woman.
And then there was my father who showered me
with all this love, attention and affection.
However, he had a really awful gambling problem.
So, "Hey, come let's hang out, come hang out with daddy.
Let's go somewhere fun."
Would turn into me sitting in the car for hours on end
while he gambled in the casino.
And I would sit there and think like,
"When. When is he gonna come? When is he coming back?"
And sometimes it would be like 20 degrees in the car.
No heat. And it was fucking awful.
And I'll tell you right now,
I suffered from an attachment injury for fucking years
because of this parenting.
Now as an adult, I'm not making excuses saying,
"Oh God, it's 'cause I had bad parents.
I'm allowed to be fucked up."
As a child, you did not deserve any of that.
And as an adult,
it is your responsibility to take care of it.
Which is what I did with EMDR,
which is what I tell all my clients to do.
If they suffer from attachment injuries
is stop going to talk therapy where you just sit there
and talk about your parents
for all the fucking live long day.
And now you're just more knowledgeable
of how fucked up your childhood was.
No, I'm talking about correcting those problematic behaviors
that have been instilled in you
because of your survival instincts.
So, if you know this is you and you know
that no matter how many of these videos you've watched,
no matter how many products you buy,
there's still something inherently in you
that just doesn't feel right
when it comes to finding a partner.
Make sure you get therapy, check out EMDR.
It's what I myself have gone through.
It's what I recommend all my clients to go through.
And all my clients have just had such great success with it.
And if you are one of these amazing guys
who has been through therapy
and is doing what it takes to correct the wrongs
that you're not okay with within yourself.
Don't forget to check out my
"Speak to Sparkle Arousal System,"
which will help get you in control
in your interactions with women.
And if after you're in control,
you realize that you're still unable
to keep the women around.
It's one thing to get them.
It's another thing to keep them right.
Then that's when I would absolutely take a look
at going into therapy because I have so many clients
that come to me where fine.
They memorize my Speak to Sparkle Arousal-ism.
They watched all my videos
and yet there's something happening
when they do get these women
that is still pushing them away.
So, do a deep dive into yourself
before you seek to deep dive into some puss.
And I promise it'll be endless amounts for you
from there on out.
So, thanks for watching and I'll see you guys next time.