Hey guys! So if you haven't been following me on twitter for the last month or so
you won't have seen that Dan and I have been on tour!
which has been incredible, here's some of our insane tour bus lifestyle:
D: What are you doin' there Phil?
P: Well I've got my handy Zebra D: *laughing*
P: And I was about to have a little nap D: Watch out
P: This is how you relax when you're on the road
P: I've got my traditional apple mulled drink
D: It's November, that's innaproprate
P: I know, I feel like I'm cheating(D: *scoff*) on Christmas a little bit D: You are cheating on Christmas
P: It's making me feel relaxed like I'm in a winter cave
D: Father Christmas is gonna come down the chimney and slap you
P: He is D: Yeah, your infidelity
P: Anyway, so I've got my Zebra (D: uh huh), and then I've just been having little micro-naps
P: I had a dream that there was an owl in the car? I don't know if that was a nightmare or not D: that would be distressing
P: *laughing* It would!
P: uh yeah, but I think we've got about two hours to go before we get to Liverpool
D: Yay roads
P: the duel of the north, it that what they call it?
D: I-I think so P: I don't know
P: Stop zooming in on my face
D: how'd you know? P: I can tell
P: Okay, it's more of a tour car
P: I've seen so much of the country and met loads of you guys and just had so much fun performing our show
P: And I can't believe it's actually over
P: Might have a little tear if I think about it too much
P: But yeah, that is the end of the UK Tour and you'll have to watch this space for any
US/ World Wide Tour news or surprises.
Cheeky Wink
It's not really a cheeky wink if you say "cheeky wink" after it is it?
Anyway I've had a day back at home so at my APOCALYPSE of a bedroom
And it's made me realize that I have a small problem
It's actually hiding behind me right now. Look at those drawers
I think we need a little drawer tour
So we've got socks, pants, stationary, time machines,
Clothes, clothes, clothes, and THE DRAWER OF SHAME
Recently whenever I go into a shop
Via the real life or online, okay mostly online
I will see something that I really don't need but then my brain will say:
"Hey Phil, buy it! Hey! Hey Phil, buy it!"
I'll try and fight this urge but then it continues to say:
"Do it now! You need it! But you absolutely need this now Philip!"
I'm not sure why my brain is slightly Welsh by the way
"P.S. Get some marshmallows while you're at it!"
So yeah, the DRAWER OF SHAME is full of loads of random crap that I've bought that i really don't need
So I thought I would show you some of the best ones:
Grass-Flops
I sometimes miss having a garden, so I thought these would be the ultimate solution!
*laughing* Grass Flip-Flops... I mean
I thought "Now I can walk around with freshly cut plastic grass under my feet, there could be nothing better."
Unfortunately, they're like portable tickle machines
Like this is the only example you're going to get:
That's as far as I can go. (in a high-pitched voice) they're so ticklish! How could anyone wear these?
I think I would actually fall down the stairs if I tried to wear these in the house.
I can't do it, no
Back in the DRAWER OF SHAME you go (thump)
next on my item of failed purchases is:
The Door Gym *laughs*
I thought this would be the best Idea ever
(Quoting box) 'Get strong... Get ripped... Quick'
I thought I could assemble that on my door and look that that guy the next day
I could have a gym in my room, I could be playing Mario Kart while doing pull-ups
(Quoting box) 'Bonus ab straps'
What is an 'ab strap'?
(In a funny voice) Ab straps
Unfortunately, it never made it's way out of the box
Because screwing something into your door requires effort and anything that requires more than 5% effort to exercise
Philly ain't gonna do it, so yeah.
'Door Gym' more like Floor Gym
Nyah, take that ripped back man
Raaaaaah, do I have abs now?
So after some hard exercise, what more do you need than a bubble bath?
And what a way to improve it with 'Popcorn scented smelly gel bath?
(Quoting box) 'Use your imagination to create a smelly goo adventure!' *laughs*
I mean I love popcorn but I'm not sure it'sthe best idea to bathe in the scent of burnt, melted butter
Imagine hugging someone and they're just like, "oh! You smell so buttery!"
I mean you'd probably get chased by wasps or licked by strangers on a bus if you smelled like popcorn
I think we need to test this out
So I've run a bath, here is the mysterious powder:
Let's uhh, pour it in
It looks like someone peed a lot in the bath *laughs*
Alright let me mix this in,
That's so weird, the bath is all jelly!
It actually smells quite nice
okay I take my cynicism back, I'm gonna get in. (In a menacing voice) b-r-b
I don't know why I said that in a creepy voice, that was weird!
A fluffy Capybara I don't know why I bought this, but I remember it being really important at the time
Goodbye old friend
Next is something I actually thought was a really good idea
Which is the snack safe
And basically, if you're a person that eats all of the snacks in the house like me
You put your snacks in the snack safe and then you can set a timer on here and then lock it for like a day
So you don't eat all the sweets
My problem is I've never had the willpower to actually put my snacks inside the safe
So I've probably eaten them all by the time I've got back from the shop
But it's quite a clever gadget anyway, you just put your snack in the box
and then you put the lid on and set the timer, and press the button
And now he cannot be released
Oh, I thought that it was four minutes, it's actually four hours
Sorry buddy
*Sad music plays*
Next thing on the list is the stress mushroom
Umm, *laughs*
Basically you're meant to squeeze it like this
To release any tension
Umm, why? Why? I'm n- I'm gonna- I'm just gonna stop
So that was some of my pointless purchases! (Yayyyyy!)
Have a look around your room and let me know if you've got any in the comments below
In other news: if you check out Dan's channel, we made a 3D audio trailer for our audiobook
Which makes you feel like you're in the room with us
And it will either blow your minds
or completely freak you out
And so if you haven't seen that make sure to click here, and go watch the video, as it's really cool
And there is a link to the Audiobook in the description
It's like a four-hour long podcast so I'd really recommend giving it a listen
Anyway, hope you're all doing well and I will see you very soon, goodbye!
(Funky end screen music plays)