[sad music]
[all crying softly]
- She looks so perfect.
- Yeah, you'd barely even know her intestines
were splattered all over the asphalt.
- They did a great job packing them all back in.
- Mads, you'll always be one of us.
Just because you're dead
doesn't mean I won't stop busting your balls.
- That's exactly why you should stop.
- Lori, have some respect.
Now she just looks stupid!
[crying continues] - He's right.
I can't go half mustache.
- Mads, you--you're--
- I'm a ghost, bitches.
[all screaming]
[playful music]
- [man singing] This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- [women singing] Not you, though
You're stuck here
'Cause you're a part-timer, yeah
- [man singing] You can do anything
- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard
- [man singing] And you can go anywhere
- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car
- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success
- [woman singing] Come on, that's not who you are
- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed
With full-time dreams
And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Whoa
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Oh
Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?
[all screaming]
- Guys, guys, why are we screaming?
- Ghost Mads and her brain from hell
are standing right there!
- I don't see anything.
[all shouting]
- She's waving at you. - Oh, my God.
[whispering] I can't see dead people.
- Mads, if only you just fell off the building
and not also got ran over.
Oh, why, oh, why does Pork E. Pine's
have to be next to a car wash?
- Pete, don't worry.
Dying really wasn't all that bad.
You know that feeling of peeing in a wet suit--
warm, cozy, you know you shouldn't be doing it,
but it feels so good?
all: Oh, yeah, - It does feel really nice.
- That's dying, in a nutshell.
Plus, now I have a supernatural power.
[magical tone] all: Aah!
- Wait. That's it?
You're a ghost and all you can do is make us do the wave?
- I'm working on it.
- Yeah, I got to say, that's pretty lame.
I was expecting way more than that.
- You know what else is lame?
Having a nice death and ending up back at Pork E. Pine's.
- If it's any consolation,
I'm glad you're here.
- Thanks, Pete.
- Can someone keep Dinger up to speed?
- Lost cause.
- You know, being stuck at my part-time job
was not my idea of the afterlife.
It wasn't even my idea of life-life.
- Maybe you're here because you have some unfinished business.
- Yeah, was there anything you wanted to do
while you were alive and didn't have a chance?
- [scoffs] Duh.
I never had sex with Pete.
all: Oh!
- You want me to release your soul
into all eternity using only my penis?
- Well, not only. Ever heard of foreplay?
- I've never even had sex with a living woman.
This is too much pressure. - Pete, calm down.
It's a totally natural rite of passage.
- "Natural"? It's necrophilia.
- No, no, no, that's if you had sex with my corpse.
This is totally different.
What we're talking about is ghost sex
with a ghost vagina.
It would be like having sex with a Jacuzzi jet.
- [sighs] Mads, I'm a virgin.
I've had relations with my fair share
of Jacuzzi jets...
but I just can't.
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
- [sighs]
Ella.
[magical tones]
- Where's Mads? - Don't tell him.
- Food counter. - Okay.
- I need you to help me seduce Pete.
- Uh, no. Sorry.
I'm not having another threesome.
If I learned one thing from the commune,
it's that you always want to stick with an even number.
- Did I get her? I think I got her.
- Keep trying, buddy. - Damn it.
- No, I don't want a threesome.
I just need some simple seduction advice.
How can I make myself irresistible to Pete?
- Oh, easy. Just talk about the sex moves
you're gonna do to him.
It'll make him less nervous. - Okay.
Well, I know one. - Mm, lay it on me.
- Okay, well, he's on top...
- Oh.
- And I'm on the bottom.
- Yeah.
- And then we make eye contact.
- Oh, so you like it like a nun?
- [sighs] This is why I need your help.
I need one of your signature moves.
- Okay, in your situation,
I'd probably go with a move I invented
called "the ouija board."
I won't go into too many details,
but let me just say, you'll be light as a feather.
He'll be stiff as a board.
- [laughs] Oh.
I get it.
- Ah, do you?
- Actually, no. I need details.
- Okay, so it starts with, you lay a piece of plywood...
[vacuum whirring loudly]
[continues indistinctly]
Slap him! Slap him! Slap him!
[continues indistinctly]
Fear in his eyes!
[continues indistinctly]
And if you didn't mush the banana,
you can eat it afterwards.
- Hmm. - I got her.
I got her, right?
[magical tone] Aah!
Aah! [both laughing]
[magical tone] - Hey.
- Oh! Oh! God!
- I know you're nervous about... you know.
But I talked to Ella, and she taught me a move
that will take it to a whole other level.
- Yeah, um, I've been thinking.
It's not really the lovemaking that I'm nervous about.
- It's not? - No.
It's pretty much
all I've been thinking about since I met you.
It's just that...
if we have sex
and you move on...
I won't ever see you again.
- But if we don't, I'll be trapped at Pork E. Pine's
for the rest of eternity.
- That seems fun, right?
You can be, like, my ghost girlfriend.
- Pete, could you imagine being trapped here forever?
It makes me want to kill myself, and I'm already dead.
If you love me, you'll bone me...
and set me free.
- Okay. We'll do it.
- Oh! Thanks, Pete!
Meet me in the staff room. I'm gonna go grab a banana.
[magical tone] He said yes!
- Aah!
Aw. I'm so happy for you.
[sighs] So I guess this is it for reals, huh?
Promise me you'll haunt my dreams.
- If that's how it works, then, yes.
I'm still figuring it out.
- [sighs] Rest in peace.
I love you.
- I love you too.
- Guys! Come say bye to Mads!
She's about to ghost-bust a nut!
Who you gonna call? - Ghostbust-nutters!
[chuckles] Ow.
- Mads, I'm really gonna miss you.
You were the best at cleaning up gum off the bottom of tables.
- Aw, thanks.
I thought nobody noticed.
- Mads, I know we haven't always gotten along.
- Is that it? - Yeah.
- Ian, I can always count on you to underwhelm.
- Aw. You're underwhelm-come.
- [crying]
- Lori, it'll be okay.
- No, it won't.
You're the only employee who actually did her job.
[sniffles]
- Mads, I'm really gonna miss you.
Hey, guys...
I can feel her.
- Nope. - Damn it.
- Dinger, I really want to say that I'll miss you the most.
But I'd be lying?
[all shouting] - Roasted!
- [laughing] Good one, Mads.
- Oh, you heard her. What'd she say?
- God damn it.
- Oh. Ow!
I don't think you know your supernatural strength.
- Shut up and ghost-French-kiss me.
I can't wait to haunt Little Pete.
Oh, I was wrong-- Big Pete.
- Okay, just... - Here...
- I got this. - Okay.
- Whew.
I can't believe this is gonna happen.
Oh, it's finally happening.
[both moan]
[groans]
It happened. - What?
- Did it...
happen for you?
- No. - Oh.
- Believe me, you'll know when it does.
Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck here until that happens.
So want to try again?
- Okay. I think I'm in.
- Right, but you have to keep going.
- Okay.
[groans] Oh, no.
- Pete. - Sorry.
This time, I'm gonna wait until you're ready.
- Okay.
- Whoa!
What you doing, Pete?
- Dinger, get out!
[groans]
Oh, man.
- Pete, don't you dare.
- I got this. Don't worry.
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona,
Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut...
Connecticut!
- Delaware!
[indistinct conversation] - Oh.
I think that means she did it. - Good-bye, Mads.
- Good luck organizing that big closet in the sky.
- [chuckles] - This one's to you.
- Guys! Guys! I did it!
- All right! - There you go!
- You know, I think this makes you a permanent member
of the Part-Timers Club.
- A member? He should be president.
Sex with you literally made a woman see God.
- Guys, it was awesome.
Although no one ever told me that part of sex
was having your body turn ice cold from the inside out.
I think my junk has frostbite.
- Uh, yeah, I think that only happens during human-ghost sex.
- I really am gonna miss her, though.
You guys think she'll visit?
- I don't know. [magical tone]
all: Oh!
[all chuckle] - Good one, Mads.
- Hey, who left a banana in the staff room?
Little mushy, but not bad.