Chloe look at the camera. Good girl! Say, hello brains!
Hello brains!
Hello Brains! I'll be doing something a little different, putting out a few videos over the next couple months.
Give you an insight into a journey that I've decided to take.
and that journey is training Chloe up to be a psychiatric service dog.
Before I get into the vlog, I wanted to clarify that even though I will be going
to public places to train Chloe, COVID-19 is still a thing we're still in the
middle of a pandemic, and so I wanted to make sure that I'm also
educating myself and you about COVID-19 so that we can better protect
ourselves, the people we care about, and hopefully
lessen the burden on healthcare workers and their families as well.
So a few quick facts right now. The rate of COVID-19 is
still increasing, so the pandemic isn't over it's actually getting worse.
Not everyone who gets COVID-19 is symptomatic, but those who aren't
symptomatic can still spread it, which is why it's important to wear a mask in
public places, even if you don't feel sick.
I have some sensory sensitivities and it actually took me a few tries to find a mask I
could tolerate, and some people with strong sensory sensitivities or other
challenges might have a hard time wearing one at all,
but according to research even 80% of people wearing a mask would make a
huge difference. And according to the CDC, the coronavirus pandemic could be under
control in four to eight weeks if everyone wore a mask starting now.
I personally wear a mask every time I go outside because
I really want this pandemic to be over already, and so you're going to be seeing
me in these vlogs a lot from like here up. Speaking of
which, back to the vlog.
If you don't know Chloe, this is Chloe.
[KISS NOISES]
Chloe's already an emotional support animal for me which just means that I
have a mental health condition and am
benefited by having a dog around. Hi! Are you a licker?
So she can fly with me on planes if I have the paperwork,
she can also live with me even if I happen to live in an apartment building
that didn't normally accept dogs. On top of that I've taught her some
skills to help me. Chloe, are you bored? Oh my gosh look at that face.
Head down. Yes good job!
Chloe's part chihuahua so when she was a puppy, I wasn't sure if her ears were gonna be
chihuahua-e or if they were gonna stay floppy. Chloe!
They stayed floppy. Look at the floppy!
Every room that I go into she follows me.
She'll lay down on me, She'll lay with me while I work, and she's a
really calming presence. Chloe's sleeping right now. Oh no she's not.
She's hanging out with me while I work.
There's such a thing as psychiatric service dogs,
and I think it would be really helpful to train her
specifically to help me with my ADHD. It's something I've wanted to look into for a while.
She is so incredibly beneficial to me,
and there are definitely times where my ADHD, or my anxiety, gets
really bad and it would be really nice to be able to have her with me to
support me, but she's not a service dog even though
she does help me. Are you trying to tell me to meditate?
Chloe, are you trying to suggest that might be a good idea tonight?
Okay, let's do this. Come on. There's a big difference and
that difference is a lot of training. Head down. Good girl.
So Chloe as an emotional support animal
can't come with me to like hotels, she really she can't
come with me in stores, basically places that wouldn't allow dogs
except for airplanes and apartment buildings, because she's not trained
to perform specific tasks to help my psychiatric condition. She's not trained
to be in public. Did you want the treats?
You gotta work for it. What do you know how to do, huh Chloe?
Sit!
Good job. No, sit!
And so I'm going to be looking for trainers.
It's a huge commitment. It's a lot of training.
It's going to be expensive, but I'm going to try it
because I think it would be really valuable to see what kind of response I get from trainers
and from people who see me training her as a service dog,
when I have this condition that's not
generally seen by society as all that bad, even though there have been
many situations in my life where it's been incredibly debilitating.
Society doesn't really take it that seriously and so
even I feel weird about the idea of having a service dog,
because that means I have a disability. And even though
technically I do, it's still weird to think about it that way.
Sit!
You seriously forget how to sit? Chloe, sit!
Good sit! Good sit.
So yeah she's a little rusty and we've clearly got a lot to learn.
Outside? Wanna go for a walk? Let's go for a walk.
Come on!
Chloe, wait... break! Good girl.
There's a dog [CHLOE BARKS] Leave it! Thank you, good leave it.
That's one of the things I'm a little nervous about is she is a little reactive.
She was really well socialized when she was a puppy,
I took her everywhere and introduced her to everybody. I basically
played puppy bingo- you know, have we have we met
somebody in a uniform on a Segway? Have we met an old person with a walker?
Have we met somebody with glasses? Have we met people of different ethnicities and
and wearing different uniforms? For a while she was really good but
now I think because we've lapsed with her training she is kind of reactive so
it's something I'm worried about. Does she even have the temperament to be a
service dog at this point, and I don't know.
We'll find out. Chloe! Chloe watch me... Yeah she needs a lot of training still
Chloe!
Come!
No that does not come.
Yeah, I'm really frustrated with myself right now. My brother who was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism
has a service dog. He's had a couple of them actually,
and they've been incredible for him.
My whole life I basically saw my brother's struggles as, "That's more
deserving of support" and I'm trying to actively work against that
and say that, "Even if my struggles look different
from somebody else's, they're there and they're also deserving of support".
I feel guilty even considering doing this.
Because like a lot of things that I've done to support my ADHD,
including medication, there's this sense of like I shouldn't need it.
[CRYING]
I got some really hard news today which was that,
my mom died unexpectedly and
I'm processing and I'm doing okay, and then I'm
in tears, and then I'm okay again...
Come here. Come here Chloe.
I know. I need you. Just stay with me, I need you...
And then I'm distracting myself with logistics and figuring out when-
when I'm gonna fly down and when my sister should fly down and
this day just took a really unexpected turn.
so I will I will be in LA. As soon as I can get a ticket I'll be
in LA for the next few weeks. I have no idea what I'll use this for if I'll use it,
but I just- this was the only time I'd be able to say
I got the news today that my mom is gone.
It doesn't really make sense to my brain yet... My boyfriend and I had this plan
that when COVID was over, when things had died down a little bit,
we would go down and visit my mom and introduce him to her in person
and so there's a part of my brain that keeps getting excited about this trip
because I think we're going down to meet my mom because that was the plan.
And I'm coming to terms with that, but now my sister
sent me a form that I have to sign... This form is to provide consent for cremation.
And I know that's what my mom wanted,
it's what we did for my dad, but there's just something about signing a form
that says you can take my mom and- and turn her into ashes...
It doesn't make sense to me.
JESSICA: I don't want to read it.
Just tell me where to sign- my sister said just anywhere she signed I have to sign.
RAFF: okay hold on.
That's my mom like why-
[CRYING]
It doesn't make sense... It doesn't make sense.
JESSICA: Okay...
[CRYING]
I've been running around all day taking care of logistics,
and grieving, and logistics, and grieving, and I didn't realize how late it was but
Chloe reminded me! It's about 7:30 and, uh,
Chloe doesn't care what's going on! Chloe doesn't care that
my mom is gone or that I have to make arrangements or get everything ready so
that we can get on a plane tomorrow. Chloe wants to go for a walk.
And that's gonna be good for me because all I want to do right now is sit on the couch
and curl up and watch television, and like, maybe eat some ice cream...
but I know that going for a walk will help me feel better so-
Chloe is... keeping me on my routine. It's one thing she does.
So, let's go for a walk. All right, ready? Let's do this.
Me taking my medication helps me and it doesn't hurt anybody else,
and I think the same is true here. If Chloe is trained to do things that
support my mental health, if she's trained to do things
to help me with my ADHD, that doesn't hurt anybody
and it would be really helpful to me, but there's still that barrier of like,
are people gonna take me seriously? You know, our trainer's just going to laugh at me?
When I call them am I going to be told flat out
that I'm wrong for doing this, either by trainers
or by people who are watching these vlogs on the internet?
I really don't know. What I do know is this: if I want to work on her training,
and teach her things that support my mental health,
that doesn't hurt anybody. And I think it would really help me.
So I'm going to give it a shot.
[OUTRO MUSIC]
you