Heya playa, are you inching closer to adulthood without any friends by your side?
Yeah, I mean you probably have people that
you casually talk to here and there but I mean real friends.
This is going to be a tough topic to tackle because if you're in your 20s or 30s you might
feel like it's impossible for you to make new friends, but it's not, and here's why.
When you're a lot younger and still in grade school it's a
lot easier to make new friends and the reason for that is because you
have a mutually shared experience with all the other kids around you.
You're all in the same class or ride the same bus to school every day or
even just watch the same YouTubers and streamers and Netflix shows online.
There isn't too much variation in your lifestyles, plus your social skills
are not really at their highest degree so you can just literally walk up to someone and say
"Hi I like Marvel. Do you like Marvel? Let's be friends!".
But as you get older your personality really starts to shape up.
You start to get a way better understanding of your likes and your dislikes and you
start to gravitate towards things that bring you meaning and joy in your life
and distance yourself from that which doesn't.
So what tends to happen is that the pool of people
that you're willing to get closer to begins to shrink.
You're no longer forming those deeper connections based on shared experiences,
now they're more focused on shared values.
And this is where I want you to really pause for a second and think about the
values that you bring to the table along with the values you want to seek in another person.
I'll give you an example of a few of the ones that matter to me.
I think it's important to limit the amount of harm you cause to others.
To create positive experiences for those around you.
To lead them through hardships.
To understand their struggling and to motivate them to succeed.
I also really care about deeply learning about things and that means taking time to
empathize to understand and to really listen to the story of another person
so I can get a better perspective of who they are.
Those are just two of the values that I truly care about and the people involved in my life
the people I call friends and the people that I dedicate time and energy interacting with
care about as well so spend some time really carving out what truly matters to you.
Okay, you figured out your values but now you want
to know practically what you can do to make new friends.
Just because you carry beliefs doesn't mean people are going to suddenly flock to you so
you need to make the effort to go out and find different groups
and meetups of people that share the same interests as you.
This might seem like a daunting task but trust me there are lots of different ways to approach this.
For example, you can use Meetup.com, type in a specific interest that you have, and boom
you'll find different groups and activities and events going on that center around that thing.
You can also use Facebook to find tons of local groups surrounding your interests and your values.
For example, I'm vegan, I live in New York,
there's a Facebook group called Vegans of New York.
It's a great way to meet other people that share that same value and they also opened
me up to tons of cool restaurants, different people to interact with and meet up with.
I'll link up a few more ways to meet people based on your interests and your values down
below but another really good one that people tend to overlook is volunteering.
Think about something that you truly care about, something that you're passionate about,
something that you think we need to fix or work on in this world
and you'll find a volunteering organization surrounding that.
Volunteering opens you up to a world of good vibes.
First off, you're gonna have all those happiness chemicals rushed
to your brain knowing that you're doing something good and being altruistic.
It's gonna feel good knowing that you're helping people.
Second, you're actually gonna get closer to the people that are volunteering there too
because they're on that same mission, they wanna help other people just like
you do so it's a great way to form easy bonds and friendships.
And third, you could see the people on the other side receiving the benefits and help from you.
Knowing you're making a difference in other people's lives and seeing
the smiles on their faces is going to make you feel better about yourself.
It's gonna make you feel like you're actually a part of this ecosystem and the world we live in.
One of the main crutches that you might be facing if you're an adult
and you don't have any friends is that you might feel like you're unlovable.
Like you're not worth getting to know.
Like people pass over you because you just don't matter, you don't bring anything to the table but
when you choose to volunteer you lower that status bar and put everyone on the same level.
You're all people just altruistically trying to help others.
So it doesn't matter if you're popular or cool,
what matters is your heart and what you bring to the table.
Another situation that you may be trying to make friends in but it's just not working out
is talking to the people at your school or at your job.
Now look, I get it.
You might reach out to them and try to make that effort and getting to know them better
but they just shut it down so what is the best way to approach those people
in a way that's going to actually make them want to talk to you more?
Here's what I would say.
I've said this in quite a few of my previous videos but everyone's favorite topic is themselves
so if you want to get to know people better at school or at work really focus on getting them
to open up by asking them questions by learning more about their interests and their hobbies.
The more you can kind of really just show them that you have a deep desire
to learn about who they are, the more they're gonna start
to open up a little bit and as they do that which is this long-term strategy
you'll start to see that you'll have that invitation to share more about yourself as well.
Most of the time we go into those interactions just really wanting the person to like us and that
can come off as desperate but if you instead flip it on its head, display that level of empathy and
let this person see that you just want to learn about them, you're a curious and open person
who cares about spreading positivity and the values we talked about before
they're going to be way more likely to want to get to know you better.
And something I would highly recommend because it's exactly what I'm trying
to do is to create a community around the values that you share.
That's exactly what our community over on Discord is.
It's all about being your best self helping each other out, asking questions,
giving advice, really just displaying that empathy and a listening ear for one another
as you work towards being somebody great.
I'm gonna put the link to the Discord down below if you're someone that wants
to make new friends and share your own personal story but let's really
break down this idea of creating a community and why that's valuable.
If you're willing to take the time to understand your path and your purpose in life it becomes a
whole lot easier to create a community around that value because what's going to happen is
whether you choose to build it on Discord or create an Instagram page or a Facebook group,
wherever you choose to go with it you're going to attract people that also have that shared value.
You're going to start to talk to people that are working on that thing,
that care about that thing and want to build it up in themselves.
And something I've experienced over the years is as I've built my YouTube
channel I've attracted lots of different people that have those similar values.
I've made lots of awesome internet friends that I've met in person at places like Vidcon
and other events just because we have those shared values that we're working towards.
It really is something that tends to get overlooked because a lot
of people feel like they don't have the social capabilities to build a channel
or get really popular or anything like that which you don't need.
All you need is that belief.
The belief is what you put into the page, it's what you share with the world and it's what people
end up discovering as they search for the thing that matters to them just like it matters to you.
Now look, I'm not saying it's easy to make friends,
to just go out there and talk to people and people will flock to you.
Yeah, that's not realistic.
But what is realistic is to recognize that there are small steps that you can take
to really understand yourself better because if you could take the time to understand that
you bring value to the table then it becomes easier to share that value with other people.
And the thing is not every single person is cut out to be your friend
which is exactly why you want to find those shared interests,
those commonalities, and that similar path and purpose in life.
If you can align yourself with people that care about things to the level that you do
you're going to have a good group around you.
But what I'm really interested in hearing is your personal story.
What's your struggle been like with making friends?
Leave a comment down below and check out the videos over there on the side where I talk
more about how to make friends, different tips on how you can start conversations, and more.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.