- Hey everybody, happy Wednesday.
And when it's Wednesday here at katimorton.com
I'm on the website, and I'm also on YouTube.
So if you asked your questions on yesterday's video,
and I know some of you get kind of confused,
like where do I ask my questions.
Well, if you want a question answered on a Wednesday
video, ask it under Tuesday's video.
And you can ask it on the website, under Kati's videos
and then a little thing comes down,
and you go down to the bottom, it says Kati FAQ suggestions.
You click that, and then you ask them.
So, yeah. So now I have four.
And I have a journal topic, thanks Kat22.
So, lets get going, cause today's is usually long.
Cause I have so questions, so lets get scootin.
Okay question number one says,
the journal topic was good.
Wasn't that a great journal topic yesterday?
That was amazing, so I'm glad you guys liked it.
And it's in the description below yesterday's
if you're looking for it, okay?
But what if my eating disorder didn't start
as a coping skill?
It started as a diet because I'd been overweight
and I felt ugly my entire life.
What do you do when your clothes being to tight,
and the thought of gaining weight back,
really are the most triggering thing?
I don't have some family drama, or past abuse to deal
with, I just know that no matter how ugly I feel now
gaining back the weight would make me feel even uglier.
I'm eating again, but I'm not sure if I'm okay with it.
I thought this was a good question because I don't talk
about this as often as I talk about using is as
a coping skill because
its just not the questions I get, I suppose.
But our eating disorder doesn't have to necessarily
be a coping skill in the direct form that we have a
trauma or we have some kind of abuse or tough family
life, or some kind of struggle that we can like
pin point and we say that's the issue.
It doesn't have to be like that.
A coping skill can be for a lot of different things.
And to me, with regard to this question.
I had a couple questions like this.
Its still a way to deal with something,
so you were overweight and you felt ugly.
And you've associated feeling ugly with being overweight
and so in order to help yourself feel better, to cope
with this feeling of kind of outward, or inward ugliness,
we lose weight.
And that helps us feel better, does that make sense?
So its still using it as a coping skill.
Its not because, like in direct correlation with
an incident that happened to us.
But it is still used as a coping skill because no matter
if we're doing it just to diet, cause why do we diet?
Take a second to think about it.
Why do we diet?
We diet because we don't feel good in the size,
and the shape that we are.
And, so then we try to lose weight, or restrict our
eating, or exercise more, as a way to deal with that
feeling that we, the fact the we feel ugly,
or we feel bad, or we feel lazy, or shameful,
or whatever we associate with gaining weight.
Cause that's another interesting thing to think about,
is like, what do we associate weight gain with?
What do we think about when we think we gained weight?
What does that mean, or tell us about us, ourselves?
Those are some journal topics or things,
if you're looking for something to dive deeper into
the reason why, that's a good place to start.
But, its still a coping skill.
I hope that clears that up.
I know its a little confusing but, we're still using
it as a way to cope.
And its a way for us to manage how we feel about ourselves,
okay?
Question number two.
Hey Kati, I've been discussing this in some of my
psychology classes so I wanted your input.
I know several people have responded with similar
questions and the question is hey Kati, is it common
for therapist to cry during session, question mark.
Is it perceived as unprofessional, or is it normal
and an okay reaction to a client's stories?
I am really curios about this because I have a friend
who's therapists cry often during session with her,
and she liked it because she felt like the therapist
understood her and it helped the relationship;
however, I can also see how it can be an uncomfortable
thing for clients.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Is a therapists crying during session okay, or not?
Thank you.
This is really interesting.
Never really thought about it, to be truthful.
I personally don't cry in session with my clients,
and heres why.
Heres the thing behind it, cause I have heard things that
are very sad and it is hard.
But I don't cry in session because I believe,
and this is just my opinion, I'm weighing in on this
question.
When patients come in to see me the most important thing
for them to feel is that they can reveal who they are,
there real true core of their self.
They can reveal all, all the beautiful, all the unique,
all the dark and dreary things about,
the whole shibang.
And I can hold it for them.
I can allow them to release that into the room of my office
and I can sit with them and we can acknowledge
and it can be okay.
It can be really healing to have that happen, I believe.
I believe that that can be one of the most powerful
things of therapy, is to know that you can be you authentic
self and someone accepts that and allows you to process
through what that means.
To have this good, and this dark and dreary and to
how do we feel about each thing and yeah.
So I don't get emotionally involved in it.
I'm there to help support you, to hold all of that,
so that you can feel completely, emotionally overwhelmed
and I can keep you calm, I can keep you here,
I can keep you grounded, we can talk about it.
And for me to get emotionally involved then would make
me feel like I was having some kind of counter transference
which if you want to know what that is you can look it up.
But its a term as a therapists we try to avoid having that.
And, I don't want to be emotionally involved,
I want to be there to help you through your emotional
process. Its not about me, its all about you.
And with that being said, I have cried with clients
when it was there last session.
I think that's the only time I've ever cried with a client,
when they were leaving.
And its because I'm gonna miss them, but its exciting
its like a happy cry, like of good for you, you know.
You've done so well, think about all the things we've
gone through together, and all the thing you've worked
through. So yeah, that's my answer, okay.
Question number three.
Hey Kati, I have a relationship question.
People often say that with the right person a relationship
is easy, but if you have a history of child hood abuse
and self harm slash eating disorder behaviors then will
a romantic relationship ever be easy.
How do you know if you should give up on a relationship
or keep working on it?
How do you, or do you ever recommend couples counseling?
I thought this was a really good question because people
do say that and I've even said that to people before.
Some of my friends who are in particularly difficult
relationships, I'm like it should just be easy, you
shouldn't have to fight all the time.
But, when we're going through something, I believe that
it is harder, like if we have an abusive past in general,
if we've been sexually abused, having sex with someone
that we love can be really difficult.
And its something that can take time.
And that's why usually when I have clients who are
overcoming childhood abuse I recommend that they work
on their abuse and process through it prior
to starting a serious relationship, if they can.
They may already be in one, but I find that to be the most
healing because we can work on ourselves with out worry
of someone, or someone else's feelings, thinking.
Are we not moving fast enough with them,
are we moving to fast with them, or you know,
I'm uncomfortable I have to stop in the middle, I can't
have sex, you know, whatever.
However we feel I prefer my clients not to have the guilt
attached to that because they care about someone else.
And struggling to explain it, and all that comes along
with that.
So I always recommend they work through that prior to.
Now, if we have done that a relationship should be pretty
easy. It may take you a little longer, you may be more
slow to warm as I like to call it.
Like we're a little apprehensive about relationships,
which is normal and that's okay.
But once we know someone, we care about someone,
we get into a serious relationship with someone,
and we're opening ourselves up to them.
They will know what's happened to us, they'll know
what we've gone through and it should be pretty easy
to navigate the waters of having a loving, sexual
relationship with someone.
Now, is that easy? No, it can be really, really hard.
But, most of the work that we would put in would be
prior to the actual relationship.
And then, during it, its more just explaining what we've
worked on and kind of preparing them for things may be
a little difficult, I haven't done this before,
be patient with me.
And by the time you're in that kind of a relationship
and you're talking about it, I would assume the person
loves you, cares about you, want to make you comfortable
and happy and yeah.
I hope that makes sense and kind of clears up.
I know we always say it should be easy,
but lets be honest, all relationships in our life
are work one way or another.
And you can either choose to work positively on them,
or you can choose to work negatively.
And you'll, you know, go apart from each other, so.
I think you can have a wonderful, healthy, and somewhat
easy relationship.
Question number four.
Oh I forgot.
How do you know if you should give up on a relationship,
or keep working on it?
If the person isn't treating you with respect,
and love then I would stop working on it.
I would keep working on it if its just a communication
struggle and you're really trying together.
And they're really in it with you, but its just hard,
I'd keep working on it.
But its about how they talk to you.
Its about how they manage it with you.
It should be with you, and if you feel like its kind of
bordering on emotional abuse, run away.
And do I even recommend couples counseling?
All the time.
Couples counseling is amazing, it can really help you
communicate in a safe place.
And you can say things you may not feel comfortable
saying to the other person when you're on your own
because of how they may react, okay?
Question number four.
Hey Kati, so my therapists suggested that I write a letter
to my abuser. It's a great suggestion.
And expressing details in all my anger out onto paper.
Since I've starting doing that, I feel like I'm
reliving everything again, the memories,
the pain, et cetera. I know its for a good purpose,
but its been really battling my thoughts,
and its gotten really, really hard.
I don't know what to do about it.
I feel completely confused, please help.
So when we do this, its all part of the healing process.
And I would encourage you to keep pushing through because
even though its really difficult and you're reliving
it, its part of the healing process.
I would express to your therapist that its really hard.
And you may be moving too fast.
She may just need to slow you down, maybe this isn't
the right time for you to do it.
Or maybe we start in smaller chunks, or maybe you
increase your number of sessions.
But its very, very normal to feel really overwhelmed,
like you're reliving it.
But that's part of the healing process, and unfortunately,
it's the best way for us to move past it.
And as we come in to each difficult part of that situation
that we're kind of reliving, or talking about,
we can calm ourselves back down, we can have a safe place,
you know, go to in our head, and we can talk with our
therapists and we can be okay with it as we work through it.
But yeah, I'd be as open as you can with your therapists,
and it may just be that you're moving to fast,
or it may be that you just need a little extra support
while you're doing this, okay.
Hang in there, it will get better, I promise.
Now journal topic. Thanks Kat22.
It is a quote and it says to get up when you're down
to fight more intensely when you're struggling,
to put in the extra effort when you're in shear pain,
to come back when nobody expects you to,
and to stand tall when everyone is pulling you down,
is what makes you a champion.
And that's by Apoorve Dubey.
I'm probably saying that really wrong,
like every other persons name that I try to pronounce.
But I think that's really cool.
It reminds me of Rocky, like, you know, you're like
totally kicking ass, and I think it's important for
us to recognize those times when everybody's saying no.
And their telling us that we're not good enough,
or we can't, and they're pulling you down,
and they're telling you can't go any further,
and we break through, and we go anyways.
We stand back up, we get back on the horse,
we keep riding.
So share with me challenges you've met, and how you've
overcome them, and share how its worked below.
Like, tell us how you overcame it.
Maybe offering these tips and tricks
for kind of, our perseverance will help motivate
others who are struggling to get back up.
And they're feeling really beat down,
and held back, and sharing in our, you know,
our challenges and how we overcame them,
and what worked could be the best thing to help
propel us into the next thing, and overcoming that.
So that we can, you know, be like Rocky.
And we stand on top and we're like yay.
So thank you Kat22 for sending that to me.
I will see you all tomorrow, tomorrow is Thursday,
so I'll be on Tumblr, or no not Tumblr, jeeze that's
Tuesday. I'll be on Twitter.
So ask your questions using the hashtag Katifaq,
and I'll answer them.
Okay, see you then, bye.