- Hi, I'm Avan Jogia and I will be reading some
thirst tweets from this large drink container.
(easy going music)
- Avan's eyes are brighter than my future.
That's kind to me,
sad to yourself.
Avan Jogia should have his own show
where he just sits there and stares at the camera
and smiles and flips his hair, yeah.
That was "Victorious".
That was the show and then I did that on "Twisted."
There's shows out there.
This is not a request, this has already happened.
Re-watching "Victorious" and every episode
I am reminded that Avan Jogia is hot now,
was hot then, and will be hot forever.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
That's an interesting Ted Talk.
Good, good times had by all.
That's very sweet.
I just need a video of Avan Jogia saying his name
over and over and over and over and over and over
and over again.
I actually made this video.
It's online.
It exists.
I didn't do it for the reasons
that you probably want it done.
I did it because no one pronounces my name correctly.
And so it's Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia,
Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia
Avan Jogia Avan Jogia, Avan Jogia.
Just like that.
That's how you say that.
Avan Jogia giving Tyler Posey a handie on "Now Apocalypse".
A scene of television most pleasing to me
in my viewership career.
Now, to be clarify, I also was getting a handie,
so that's not fair.
It was mutual joy had by all.
So it was a dual handie for both of us
'cause sharing is caring.
Every sex scene with everyone that you see
on any show or movie is usually hilarious,
'cause it's silly.
It's a deeply silly thing.
It's not sexy.
There's nothing sexy about sex scenes at all.
But I'm glad that it works for some people, you know?
I would let Beck from "Victorious" break my back
like a glow stick. (laughs)
Oh, (beep).
Oh that's so visceral.
That one's incredible.
That one's really very visceral.
Avan Jogia makes me want to tear out all of my insides
and drag them through my throat and I guess that's love.
I would say that's what love feels like.
That's an amazing very visceral description of how you feel.
And that's nice.
It's been years and I still want Avan Jogia
to live in my hole like a crab.
I love this one.
This is great.
That's so much ingenuity and just really,
just really good imagery there.
Avan Jogia can dick me while reciting a debate on feminism.
Which debate are we talking about here?
What is my general point?
'Cause you gotta be more specific than general feminism.
It's multi-layered, it's not a monolith.
Avan Jogia owns this hole.
Whoa. (laughs)
Yeah, wow.
I'm worried about just like the unconscious
sexual violence that the internet lives in,
you know what I mean?
Like, what is that about?
Avan Jogia could literally slam me to the ground
and break my neck and I'd still be like yass daddy
yass kill me, slay me.
Yeah.
There we go. (laughs)
There we go.
Again, very psychosexual.
Very violent.
What do we got here?
Avan Jogia, more like nut in my ear and step on my throat.
(laughs) Oh that's good, yeah.
That's good.
I like that one, that one's good.
I want Avan Jogia to explore my hole
until he finds another dimension and sends me to it.
That's good.
I like the kind of quantum theory, you know like
multiple dimensions.
That's a heady one.
Avan Jogia put this bussy in a sarcophagus.
(Avan laughs)
Oh (beeps).
I feel Avan Jogia's cute mustache.
Did I say that really weird?
'Cause last time I was here I said yogurt
and everyone just roasted me for it.
I've got an English father, I say mustache and yogurt.
The world's a diverse place.
Everyone's coming from different, you know what I mean?
Just get over yourself.
I want Avan Jogia's cute mustache on my asshole so bad.
Wow. (laughs)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We're into it.
I want Liz Gillies and Avan Jogia to Eiffel tower me.
Yeah, you know?
Wow, good.
I'm literally in love with Avan Jogia.
He could hit me with his car and I'd cum.
Hello darling, all right.
Far enough.
I want to swallow Avan Jogia's children.
Every single one of them.
I want my guts in operation.
Cool.
This is all very sweet, you know?
That's very sweet to be directed,
sexual violence high in a lot of these.
Let's be honest.
But here we are.
Internet age, we did it.
I have a record out.
My band Saint Ivory.
Me and my brother have a band called Saint Ivory.
The record out, "Mixed Feelings"
and it's based on a book that I wrote
and it's sort of like, if you don't like to read.
I know a lot of people don't like to read,
you can listen to a book.
But it's music.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Shooby do wah bah ♪
♪ Shobby do wah bah ♪