Where? oh! where did the year go? It's holiday season again.
Holiday season is traditionally a time where we exchange gifts with each other.
But what you may not know is that holiday season is also a notoriously stressful time
for marriages and romantic relationships.
January, out of aaall the months of the year, is the one month that has the highest
filings of divorce. More people filed for divorce in January than any other month of the year.
In this video I'm gonna teach you the greatest gift that you can give to your romantic partner
this holiday season, that doesn't cost a penny
and will transform the way they experience your relationship.
Will have them love you more and make for a really, really happy holiday season.
Hi. I'm Bruce Muzik. I'm a relationship coach
and I specialize in helping couples fix their troubled relationship.
In more than 10 years of coaching people, I've noticed
something that I think is profound. "The people who live the happiest and healthiest lives
tend to have great relationships with their parents".
In fact, people who have happy marriages,
also tend to have great relationships with their parents.
Is almost as if you have a great relationship with your parents,
you get given this magical gift of high self-esteem.
That high self-esteem gives you more confidence. Then you don't take
things personally, you don't take life so seriously, you have a greater sense of humor,
you're better at getting along with people.
What does this have to do with the holiday season?
Well, I promise you in this video I would share with you the unforgettable gift you
could give to your relationship partner this holiday season. Here it is:
In my opinion, the best gift you can give to your partner is to give them the gift
of a great relationship with their parents.
I know, it sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? But stick with me. If you help your partner
create an extraordinary relationship with their parents (whether they're alive
or dead you can do this).
What you do, is you transform the way your partner
experiences and sees themselves. Because we're so tied in unconsciously
to our parents (our self-image and self-esteem came from our parents mostly).
So when you transform your relationship with your parents - unconsciously -
you transform the way your partner sees themselves. And in doing so
you transform the way your partner sees the world; the way your partner sees you
and the way your partner relates to your relationship.
Your romantic relationship between the two of you.
Ultimately the highest leverage thing you can do
to transform your romantic relationship, is to take responsibility for making
sure that your partner has an extraordinary relationship with their parents.
Now, how do you do this? You're probably thinking
"Bruce I'm not a psychotherapist I don't know how to transform my partner's relationship with their parents"
Well, it doesn't have to be complicated. And the first thing I want to underline is
I am not asking you to interfere.
All I'm asking you to do is support your partner from the sidelines,
having an extraordinary relationship with their parents.
A way to get started doing this is to help your partner
discover the positive intention behind their parents actions.
Very often, when we're spending time with our family
in the holiday season. We can get triggered by our parents (perhaps you have a controlling mother)
You're making the dinner table for a family dinner and even though you're
thirty-fourty years old, your mother is still telling you exactly where to put the knives and the forks
you get triggered and you get annoyed. Well, all that means
is that you have some unhealed childhood baggage around your parents.
And as a relationship partner you can support your partner healing that baggage.
Whenever something comes up for your partner, where they're annoyed
with a parent, what you can do is help your partner find the positive intention
behind their parents' behavior. I'll give you an example:
When I was growing up into a young man, one of the things my dad would do is
he would slip some money in my back pocket
as I was leaving the house, and you'd think I'd be grateful but I wasn't.
I was really annoyed and angry because I interpreted it as
my dad actually... insulting me and saying to me
"Bruce I don't think you're a man, you still need to be dependent on me".
At that point I had a troubled relationship with my father,
and somebody once said to me "Consider that is just your Dad's way
of saying I love you. That he has a positive intention behind the money.
So what is the positive intention?"
I thought about it an I realized... wow! ... "My dad actually is just trying to say that he loves me.
He's just trying to help me because he loves me so much". And when I saw that, the penny dropped.
I stopped blaming my father for trying to keep me small and for thinking
that I wasn't man enough to be independent.
I went to him and actually appreciated him. I thanked him for giving me the money.
Our relationship changed in that moment.
Now, you can do this with your partner's controlling mother.
Imagine this in the previous example that I gave you with a controlling mother setting the table.
It could be that the mother's positive intention is just to make everything
neat and tidy because
she wants to feel relaxed and she wants everybody to feel at home when
everything is neat and tidy.
When you help your partner see their parents positive intention,
you take the first step in helping heal their relationship.
Even more importantly the same distinctions apply to you
and to me. If you don't have an extraordinary relationship
with your parents you're at a disadvantage in life,
and you're in a disadvantage in your relationship.
The most common question I get to ask about this is
"Bruce what happens if my parents are dead?"
It doesn't matter whether or not your parents are alive or dead. You can still
use this technique on their memory.
Go and write down where you are most upset, and the things you're most upset about ,
and that you're still carrying around.
Any resentment you might still be carrying around about your parent's who've passed away.
Write it down and start to look for what were your parents positive
loving intentions behind their actions and don't stop until you find them.
If you're struggling to find that positive intention just call your
relationship partner. Call your husband or your wife; your boyfriend or your girlfriend,
to come and help you find the positive intention and let them contribute to you and help you.
So there you have it, the most unforgettable gift
you can give your romantic partner this holiday season.
If you enjoy this video and this kind of work excites you, head on over to LoveAtFirstFight.com
Go sign up for the FREE relationship training videos. Just enter
your email address there on the page,
hit the button and I'll send you four incredible videos that'll help you transform your relationship
and get you on the road to a new life together next year.
And finally, thank you for watching this video. You're obviously smart and you're interested in growing and
learning about relationships, which makes you exceptional.
If you enjoyed this work and you want to share it to somebody else,
please click the Like button down below.
It helps me reach more people and in turn helps more people have happy and loving relationships.
I'm Bruce Muzik signing off wishing you a happy holiday season. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.