Oh, there you are! Just leave them there, I'll crack them in a minute.
Do you have to rush back? It's just that I've been remembering a story
and I wondered if I could share it with you if you have a moment?
There wasbeautiful prioress, daughter to a noble lord, devoted to God. So
when it came time for her to marry she requested that her father allow her to
marry God and she became a nun. She was so dedicated to her work and kind
and generous in her nature. It wasn't long before she became the prioress,
the nun in charge of the priory home to many other nuns. Her beauty had always
attracted men to her side and there were still three who came to see her to see
if she's had a change of mind and if she would fall in love and wish to marry.
The three men were very different in nature. Each day she would receive a
visit from a knight who was elegant, handsome, brave and dramatic. He would
talk to her her of his love for her, tell her stories and sing her songs.
In truth, he would have stayed with her all day if she didn't eventually hush
him with a smile and receive gracefully the gift that he had brought her. The
knight would go hunting and bring her most of his bag, deer and rabbits for
her and the other nuns to eat. He fed them very well. Twice a week Pastor
John would come to visit, a quiet kind gentle man who said very little. He
would have stayed all day gazing at the prioress if she didn't eventually
coax him into offering his gift and then usher him out of the room. Pastor John
would bring her and the other nuns wine from his extensive cellar. Once a week,
she would receive a visit from a lusty merchant who would bang on the door with
his strong hand before striding into the room and throwing his great weight
into a chair. He would talk to her of his work, of the weather, of travel,
endlessly. Until eventually, stifling a yawn, the prioress would marvel at his
ability to trade which would prompt him to offer up his gift and then heave his
girth up and out. The merchant whenever he visited brought a bag ofgold.
Now, the prioress knew she shouldn't receive such visitors,
but the priory and everyone who lived there benefitted from the gifts. What
could she do? After some thought a plan began to form. And when she was ready,
she waited until the day of the week when all three men were due to visit.
The first to arrive was the knight, fresh from his morning hunt and full
of songs and poems he'd written her that day. But before he could start
his rendition, she stopped him and told him how she'd had a change of heart,
that she wished to be married and that if he could prove his bravery to her
and his commitment, then she would agree to take his hand. Well this silenced the
knight and whilst he was lost for words she explained what she wanted him to do.
Down in the woods was a little chapel, rarely used. If he could wrap himself
in a shroud, a funeral cloth, and lay out as if dead and stay for the whole
night without getting scared, then the next day she would marry him. The knight
recovered himself and without saying a word ran home to find a shroud and
then to the woods to find the chapel. Later that day, there he was laid out
in front of the altar, wrapped up and dreaming of his life with his new wife.
Next to arrive was Pastor John. His awkwardness irritated the prioress
that day and before he could creep across the room and take a seat she
stopped him and explained how she'd had a change of heart. But I do have
a task to ask of you before I can agree to marry you. My, um, cousin
has died and can't afford a burial or his final prayers. Would you,
could you, go to the woods to the little chapel, dig him a grave,
bury him and say his prayers? Pastor John nodded and headed to the woods
stopping at home only to gather his robes, his prayer book and a spade.
And then what of the merchant who barely waited to be let in that day
so keen was he to gaze up on his love? As he began to tell the prioress about
the warmth of the sun, she stopped him and explained how she'd had a change
of heart. But I do have a favour to ask before I can agree to marry you. There
is a naughty priest, saying the prayers and committing a burial to someone who
hasn't paid for such a thing. Now I don't want to get into trouble but if
you could go to the little chapel in the woods and scare him, frighten him to put
him off, maybe you could dress up as the devil to give him a fright! The merchant
was a little stunned and then began to smile at the mirth and the fun of it.
Home he went, to stir up his servants to make him a costume and it wasn't long
before he left, dressed in red with a mask over his face, cloves for feet and
a tail sticking out of his rear. When he got to the woods, there by the chapel he
could see the priest digging the grave. By the looks of it he'd almost finished.
He crept into the chapel and stepped past the poor dead soul who laid out
in front of the altar. He went to the back. In the darkness he hid. It wasn't
long before Pastor John came in having finished his labours. He put on his
robes and picked up his prayer book but as he started there came from the back
an almighty roar as the figure in red, surely the devil, was coming towards
him! Pastor John screamed, threw up his prayer book and left the chapel. The
book landed with a thud on the stomach of the knight who sat up and tried to
uncover his eyes. The merchant who'd been chuckling at the priest suddenly
saw a dead man sit up. He screamed and left the chapel. The knight who had at
last managed to uncover his eyes just saw the devil run out of the chapel.
Well he couldn't stay here any longer. He got up and ran out. As he ran up
the hill he passed a priest who was puffing and panting and so he headed
into the woods. Then all of a sudden, was swept up to the top of a tree. He'd
got caught in a net and was trapped! And wriggle and try as he might, he couldn't
set himself free. Whimpering, he stayed there for the rest of the night. Pastor
John, he wasn't used to running. It wasn't long before he grew too hot and
he began to take off his robes and his clothes over his head. And then suddenly
he was naked. He jumped into a bush to hide his modesty and stayed there for
the rest of the night. The Devil had witnessed the priest run up the hill,
the dead body go into the forest, so he leapt over the nearest hedge. As he
was catching his breath, he suddenly heard a thudding and a drumming as
if something large was coming towards him! It was a bull! And he was dressed
in red. He got up and he ran. He ran for his life and leapt over the next
hedge... straight into a stinking muddy puddle. Exhausted, he fell asleep and
spent the night there. And that's where our men stayed 'til morning.
The next morning the prioress waited for her visitors. The first to arrive
was the knight who admitted straight away that he hadn't completed the task
she'd set him. Oh dear, she said, and understand you spent the night
wimpering in a net up a tree. That's not very good for your reputation. Perhaps
we could agree that you continue to send your gifts to the priory but you promise
never to come and see me again. The knight left having made this promise.
Pastor John she said, as she let him in. I understand you spent the night naked
in a bush. What would you parishioners think of that? Perhaps we could agree
that you continue to send the wine, a charitable donation to the priory,
but you promise never to come and see me again. Pastor John agreed to this and
was almost knocked over as he left by a large angry man who smelt of... well,
he wouldn't like to say. Ah, said the prioress, as the merchant stomped up
the path. He handed over a bag of gold. Lady Prioress,
I will continue to send you my gifts but I will never come and see you
again. He turned and with that was gone. And that is how the priory and
all who lived there continued to be well-fed, well-stocked in wine
and gold but the lady prioress never saw her visitors again.
Now, I must get on with my work and, um, you lot best be off.
[music playing]