(adventurous music)
- He does center of gravity this way, flip!
Well Seagal maybe has a different grip?
I don't know, but he's got the guy he flips usually--
- This is stupid.
- Hey, oh you dick!
- Jiu jitsu time, D-cup!
- No!
Wait, what's going on over there?
- Okay, what?
- Hey, knock it off!
- Gino!
- What was that douchebag doing to you?
- Oh that guy?
He's Jared Rothstein.
He's been bullying me
since the sixth grade and he's gonna ruin my whole summer.
- You want that kid to disappear?
Say the word and his mother'll be
at a closed-casket funeral by Friday.
Talking hammer in the fucking--
- Woah, woah, woah, woah, a little strong.
That's killing a child.
- But maybe you guys could scare him, you know?
I mean, you are the toughest guys in the neighborhood.
Right?
- Yeah.
Well, what's in it for us,
the toughest guys in the neighborhood?
- Well I'm having a graduation party in four days,
I could give you a 10% cut of everything,
that's cash, checks, and the mini-fridge.
- You'll have to do a little better than that, Gino.
- Come on, we're the toughest guys in the neighborhood!
- You heard from someone.
- Fine, you guys can come to the party,
and we've got a six-foot chicken club coming from My Hero,
so that's my final offer.
- Yeah, yeah, we are in.
- We are in. - We're in.
- We are in, bro. - Fuck, yes!
Fuck, fucking Gino come over.
- [Danny] This is everything I have on Jared Rothstein.
- Where did you get all this?
- Remember four years ago when someone egged my car?
- Nope.
- Well I gathered some intelligence
on the neighborhood kids.
Suspect number 12, Jared Rothstein.
- Wait, why am I in here?
- Uh, your alibi during the egg incident was full of holes.
- Are these medical records?
Where would you even get those?
- Had to bang the high school nurse.
- That's gross, man, she's like 80 years old.
- Still got her memory.
- Wait a minute, it's a receipt for a steampunk outfit.
Isn't steampunk that nerdy shit
that's like old timey and futuristic at the same time?
Like an escalator?
- Yes.
We will exploit this.
We'll break into his house, steal his steampunk outfit,
give it to Gino, who'll take it to school
and embarrass himself so badly
that he'll spend the rest of his life
living in his mom's basement.
- [Mark] Bingo.
- Don't you guys live in your mom's basement?
- No!
Our mother lives in a house above our apartment.
- [Gino] Okay.
- Geeze, Gino.
- [Gino] Sorry.
- Let's do this.
(singing fanfare music)
(beatboxing)
(vocalizing wordlessly)
- Is that Rusted Root?
- The family's out getting ice cream
for the next 30 minutes.
This is our window.
Let's roll.
(plastic bottles clanging)
(body thumping against ground)
- Dude, what's with that mask?
You look like a god damn psychopath!
- According to Jared's psych evaluation,
he has a reoccurring nightmare of a skeletal demon.
What's with your outfit?
You're all in black.
This is a daytime op.
Once we take this little prick down,
we're gonna be eating My Hero at Gino's like ballers.
- Ballers in our late 20s at a high school grad party.
(laughs)
Young pussy.
Move.
(fabric rips)
We're in.
- Dude, it smells.
- Oh, whatever.
- Dude, what are you doing?
You don't know how long that's been out.
- I don't think about it, man.
- Dude, you're gonna be sick.
- (laughs) I'll be fine, think about it, he comes home,
he looks for his Chinese food, there's none left.
Revenge! (laughs)
- Dude, put it down.
(slurps)
(wood breaking)
(Mark grunting)
- I am never opening a door the regular way again.
- Oh, you got to ease up, Seagal.
- Yo, check the closet, I'll check the drawers.
Oh, the April issue.
(discordant music)
- Ha, look, I'm a big dork!
(laughs)
This is actually really cool.
Let's get outta here.
- Yeah. (stomach gurgling)
Oh, it's bang bang time.
- [Danny] Mark, come on!
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
(farting loudly) No, not, no, not.
(screams)
Here comes the thunder!
- It's just such a relief
that everyone's finally making fun of him
instead of me, you know?
- That's awesome. - You're welcome.
- I actually checked out some of that steampunk stuff.
Pretty cool, I'm into it.
I'm actually making my own goggles.
- They're not making fun of him for the steampunk stuff.
No, no, they found fecal matter all over his closet,
like in the clothes and the shoes and everything.
- [Danny] What?
- That's weird.
- He wrote help me in big letters
with his own shit on the walls.
- Ugh!
- Yeah, and then the doctors took his poop down to the lab,
ran some tests on it.
(sharp breath) They found dangerous amounts of nitrates,
MSG, traces of blood.
Even some baby teeth.
- Oh, what is wrong with him?
- Sent him to the hospital, doctors said he's lucky
to even be alive with all that in his system.
- Wow.
- Well, we got him.
(playful music)
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