- I had a magazine
with Orville Peck's face on it on my counter,
and I said, "You know what?
Orville's coming over.
I thought it was supportive, but now I think it's weird.
I'm gonna throw it away."
Then he's at my house, and he goes to throw something away,
and he goes, "Why is this in the garbage?"
And I was like, 'cause I thought it'd be weird.
He's like, "You don't think it's weird now?"
(upbeat music)
- Hi, it's Trixie Mattel. - And I'm Katya.
- And we're two queens who like to watch.
- That's right, today we get to watch "Selling the OC."
- This is sort of a spinoff,
because of the breakaway success of "Selling Sunset,"
featuring many huge, famous reality stars now.
- Like Christine Quinn.
- Christine Quinn, fellow drag queen.
- Love the doll.
(upbeat music)
- The OC's the wild west.
At least in LA, you know what time it is.
The OC?
- It's vodka o'clock.
- I think they got like Trump basements and wine charms.
- Yeah. - You know?
- It's wild.
So, we're gonna take a look at the crew.
The Oppenheim Group, I believe, is at the helm?
- Part-time supermodels, part-time real estate agents.
- Yeah, part-time real estate, part-time supermodels.
- I think that if we can expect this
to be anything like "Selling Sunset,"
people are gonna nut.
- Yeah, so spoiler alert, nut ahead.
(upbeat music)
- [Realtor] A new office means new agents.
- If you're gonna be a songwriter,
you need to make songs like this that are just beats
that's like.
♪ Give me what I want ♪ (Trixie claps)
♪ I want it right now ♪
- That. Every song is, ♪ I want it, give it to me.♪
- ♪ So give it to me.♪
- Oh, I hate that house.
(Katya laughs)
- [Realtor] There's nothing better than a new challenge.
- I'll give you a new challenge.
- I'm building a future for my family.
There's nothing tougher than real estate.
Well, maybe there is.
The skin on my mother-in-law's back. Whoop.
(Katya gags) (Trixie laughs)
- What is that?
Two breadsticks at the Olive Garden.
(Katya laughs)
- [Realtor] Two Alexandras are better than one.
(Trixie cackles)
- Work.
- [Realtor] I drive an orange Porsche.
It's my homage towards Orange County.
- That's not an homage. - That's red.
That's a red Porsche.
- You're color blind,
and that's the wrong use of homage, but work.
- August Homage County.
- [Jason] My brother Brett and I
have real estate in our blood.
- You see that truck?
- He's gonna have those little floaty things,
it's like the inflatable slide that comes out of the plane.
- He puts his feet out, and little stilts shoot out.
(Katya laughs)
I think they're cute.
- I don't like that they're wearing the same thing.
- They're twins!
Being a twin is part of your brand.
The Property Brothers?
Do you think they could've done it without one another?
- Absolutely. The Property Brother.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so Alex Hall has a little pizza night at her house
with only some of the other agents,
and we start to learn the complicated web of relationships
present in "Selling the OC."
- Mm-hmmmmm.
- Why do you hate Jarvis?
- Because she's the worst person in the (censored) world.
(both laugh)
- Honestly? - Tell it.
Say it bitch. - Realtors are direct.
- Because she called me a (censored) bitch!
- She called me a (beep) bitch.
Her card says (beep) bitch.
Call me now.
- (beep) bitch, licensed realtor.
- I'm done!
- I'm your best friend, until you cross me,
and then it's (beep) over.
- And then I'm a (beep) bitch.
- People always say that like it's virtuous.
- You cross me once, I'm gonna take your family
and put 'em in a wood chipper.
- Yeah.
- I always forget that you're not 30 yet.
(Trixie chortles)
- I keep forgetting, you're not even 30.
Jesus Christ!
- Where is she from?
- I think it's a fake accent.
- I think she did six months on a cruise ship as a waitress,
and just cherry picked.
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
- I love when a woman says,
"I have underwear older than you."
Which is supposed to be a read,
but I'm like, throw those Hanes out, woman.
You know what I mean?
My tucking panty looks like it went through a cheese grater,
and I said, what's going on with me
that my ass ate the fabric?
Ate it!
(Trixie hungry nibbling)
- Chomp, chomp.
(upbeat music)
- The house looks great.
- All right, so Gio's showing a house.
His mom, Lisa, attends, 'cause she's also a realtor.
And it's a showing with a bunch of his colleagues.
(upbeat music)
Work me out, bitch.
Girl, that is you
with one of those silicone masks on at 2 AM.
- Absolutely, totally.
- That's you putting on a suit coat
and strutting through your neighborhood,
pretending to have a job.
- I'm Lisa, and I love to sell houses,
and help people buy them.
- She is giving, I don't know she,
I think that she is inside Kathy Hilton.
- Yes.
She's a spirit that inhabits...
- She puts on a Kathy Hilton outfit to go be Kathy Hilton,
and then takes it off, and this is her.
Girl, once a year, a bunch of people get inside her
and ride her down the street like a dragon.
(Katya claps)
Like, that's really crazy.
And by the way, we do not discriminate
against the surge divas.
Obviously not. - No, she's fierce.
- That's Jennifer Nightingale!
(Katya giggles)
- I'm like a fish, I drink a ton of water.
- Do you think that fish are in the water
'cause they're thirsty?
- I'm like a fish, I drink a ton of water.
- Listen, if being beautiful makes you stupid, explain this.
(Katya laughs)
- Gio, you better go get your clients.
They're talking to Rose and Jarvis.
You never know what's gonna happen.
(Trixie gasps)
- The implications here,
that they're sucking and (beep) for sales.
I think they're being too subtle.
They should be like,
what are you doing over there, selling houses?
You know what I mean?
Go bigger.
- I wanna talk to you about something real quick.
- Um, if you're on a reality show,
and someone says they wanna talk really quick,
you need to run away.
- Yeah.
- You need to leave right now
and you need to flee the scene.
- Yeah.
- You kinda like just, ignored her.
- You think I would intentionally snub your wife?
- This show is shady.
At least on Housewives people go to prison and stuff.
- I know, I know, I feel like the stakes are like
Very low
the bat (beep) is wild on the Housewives show.
- I betcha a bunch of Postmates drivers
have more to fight about.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are dying.
- People are dying, Kim.
(upbeat music)
- All right, we're gonna take a look
at one of Alexandra's listings.
- I love real estate (beep).
- I know you do.
- Now, do you like these ultra modern
California homes that look- - No, I certainly don't.
If it's not built between 1910 and 1925,
burn it to the ground.
- And there's even an outdoor restroom right there,
so that when people are in the pool,
there's a nice, convenient place to go.
- I just go in the pool, so I-
- Did he just say he pees in the pool?
- Yes. - Every guy does it.
- Yeah. - No they don't.
- No they don't. - Jason.
- No, they really, really don't.
- I gotta go in the pool real quick.
- You're gonna (beep) in the pool?
- Girl, he could dive in that pool.
(upbeat music)
It's a guys thing.
Guys, pissing in. No they don't.
- No.
- And the girls are like,
and it's a girl thing to (beep) in the pool.
(Katya laughs)
(beep) in a one piece bathing suit,
and then get in the pool.
(Katya laughs)
A hard turd.
And then you float on your back,
so it looks like a tail.
- I get out of the pool, I take the bathing suit off,
and I cradle the turd with the bathing suit,
and I put it under my neck.
- Ew.
- Oh my god, these people are nasty!
- I'll put it in bed with me, wrapped in tin foil
like a hot water bottle.
- Like a baked potato.
(upbeat music)
- It's time for Polly and Alexandra Jarvis
to possibly make a sale.
- Yeah.
- Nothing brings people together
like mutual interest, and makin' some cash.
(Katya snaps)
- It's actually an equestrian neighborhood.
- These are all the horses that got let go during the fires,
and they've colonized.
- Yes.
- And they have schools. - Yeah, they have schools.
- The horses have schools and community centers.
- I have equinophobia, which is a legitimate fear of horses.
I hate them.
- Horses are not evil, but they're big and strong.
- Yeah.
- You're probably gonna get hurt riding it,
but it's not gonna rush you on the street.
- Yeah, they're not out for blood.
- One of my close friends
did just have her leg broken in four places by a horse.
- You're not close friends with Madonna, Mary.
(both laugh)
- 99% of the time, you don't look at me
in the face when I'm in the office.
- You try to choke me in the bathroom, every time.
- You hooked your jumper cables up to my nipples
while I was at my desk.
And you didn't think I'd notice,
but when you turned on your Prius,
both my eyes popped out.
And to top it all off, you took a wire snipper
and clipped off my baby toe.
So yeah, I'm a little pissed!
Like, I would love for something to be happening,
but they keep being like, it's the vibe.
- Yeah, it's really like the energy,
and I'm really sensitive.
I mean, I hate horses, so I know about energy.
(upbeat music)
So Polly wanted to get an office pet,
and her wish was immediately granted,
probably because they didn't understand what she was saying.
- Please tell me she gets a huge pig.
Like a giant, "Misery" pig. - A huge black pig.
(Trixie snorts like a piggie)
- With a big blue ribbon.
- [Realtor] Ew, it's a cockroach.
- A cockroach?
- People don't understand, in California,
the cockroaches are so big.
- Sure. - And so fast.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh, they give me the creeps.
- Yeah.
- You got your pet. - I'm having like-
- They're like, crunchy. - I.
- She's like, I feel like that cockroach snubbed me.
(Katya laughs)
That cockroach just, I felt like,
it was just weird energy.
- Yeah, I just need to like clear the air somehow,
with the roach.
- Jason could ride it. - Yeahaha!
(upbeat music)
- If you're a real realtor, which I'm sure these people are,
but then you become a TV star.
Do you stay a realtor, and a TV star?
Do you use your TV fame to sell more houses,
or are you trying to stop being a realtor through this show?
'Cause unless you're a hit super "Real Housewives" star,
you're not making millions of dollars per season
doing reality television.
I'm sure they make more money
selling these billion dollar houses
than they do doing reality television.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure it's hard, like anything.
The service you have to provide is crazy.
- Yeah, you have to go wake them up by hand every morning.
Lead you by the scruff of the neck.
(upbeat music)
- So, the roaches are getting fumigated,
and I'm not talking about the Alexandras.
- Hello!
- And, the whole office is going to the beach
while the fumigation happens.
- Who has ever played Snog, Marry, Avoid?
- Is she from the Shire?
- I think she's doing a bit.
She's like Catherine Tate or something?
- Yeah, she's doing-
- Snog, Marry, Avoid?
- She's in "Clue."
- She's Yvette the maid, with her believable British accent.
- Kill Gio.
- And I would definitely kill Gio.
- Ooh, they hate Gio.
- Oh, the snubbed wife.
Yeah, well he seems like a douche.
- [Realtor] So everybody wants to kill the same person.
- Should we do it?
- Should we (beep) kill him?
- I think we should kill him.
- Let's take his Porsche and run him over.
- [Realtor] I wanna literally bury
(censored) Gio in the sand right now.
- Oh, this is gonna turn into a murder show.
- Kill him, kill him!
- My wife felt snubbed by you.
- They are fighting about nothing.
- Nothing, nothing.
- But you know what, though?
All it takes is a chip on the shoulder,
and a little bit of alcohol,
for fights about nothing to happen.
- We took a vote, Polly. - Fine!
- Polly's skinny-dipping.
- I would die if she took off that one piece,
and spread her butt cheeks
and then did diarrhea all over them.
- She digs a hole and (beep) in it,
and then stamps on it like grapes.
- And cries! Cries the whole time.
- Oh, there's more than one clam in here.
(upbeat music)
So the Alexandras meet up for lunch,
and Rose tells Jarvis about the beach day.
- I think I was agthgy water sommelier in like another life.
(both laugh)
- (beep)!
- Oh, wow.
- Girl, work.
- People will splurge six grand on a handbag.
Why can't I splurge six grand on a water machine?
- You tell 'em, Beth.
- Yeah. (Katya laughs)
She (beep) loves water.
- I mean, this woman can sell 20 million dollar houses.
She can also sell a $6,000 water machine.
- I saw Alex Hall get really upset with Gio,
and she was really drunk.
- Shooting up. - Yeah.
Freebasing. - Ritual bloodletting.
These people are successful at something?
But not conversation.
- No.
(upbeat music)
So Kayla gets drunk and tries to kiss Tyler.
- Who is married to Brittany Snow.
- Yes.
- By the way, Brittany's gonna find out about this.
It's on television.
God, that would be horrible to be on a reality show
where you like cheat, and then you
have to tell your partner about it,
and then you have to watch it, and it's on TV.
- Yeah. - Ugggggh!
- I am so (censored) offended
by Kayla's behavior last night.
- She pulled down her panties
and she (beep) squirted (beep) all over my salad.
- She came over, and she was wearing my sun hat,
and she pulled it off, and she took a right (beep) in it.
- And that (beep) was steamin'.
- Then she put it back on my head.
(Katya laughs)
- And now my (beep) extensions are covered in human feces.
- [Realtor] What happened?
- After a few drinks, she you know,
tries to make out with the married men in the office.
- This is like some nefarious (beep).
- Yeah.
- You gotta spill blood
to stay on season two, and they know that.
- Oh yeah. - You know what I mean?
- Husband (censored).
- You're a husband (bleep).
- Greedy, disgusting, despicable husband (beep).
- I bet you Brittany Snow was like, who (beep) cares?
I'm Brittany Snow, have a good day.
- Yeah. (upbeat music)
- Maybe this is a little pie in the sky,
but if someone kisses your boyfriend,
and they were drunk and he didn't kiss 'em,
you should be able to laugh.
- No (beep).
- Straight people. - It makes me sick.
Straight people and the betrayal.
- What did he do?
Was he the Unabomber?
No, he kissed someone. - It's worse.
He was unfaithful.
- Girl.
- These betrayal stories, oh my god.
- Lady of the Lake. Lady of the Lake.
(both moaning)
Then again, gay people are like,
did you fist my husband?
Yeah.
Just checking.
- Yeah. - Like, no one cares.
- Yeah. (upbeat music)
- Kayla and Tyler put the attempted kiss behind them,
and all is forgiven.
- In a display of incredible courage.
- I'm so sorry for doing that.
- You know what?
He is married, but he is hot.
I think she was just being a human.
- Yeah, lonely drunk.
- She's being branded as a-
- A (beep)- - Harlot.
- As like a cum chugging slut.
- Yeah, cum leaking out of every orifice.
- Yeah, sorry I was at a 50 person gang bang this morning.
- I was at a Men in Music convention.
(Katya laughs)
I'm gonna pretend I'm looking at some houses down there,
and they're gonna be like, can I help you?
I'm gonna be like, you sure can, husband (beep).
Christine would be like, "Yeah, I (beep) him, and his wife."
Christine's probably eatin' out Brittany Snow right now.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so the two hot boys go surfboard shopping.
One thing leads to another,
clothes come off, and a lil tequila.
- Princeton (beep). - Yeah, yeah.
- I wanna date one of these men.
Do you think David would care
if I have a rich husband on the side?
- I think probably. I don't know?
- What if I embezzle that money into our relationship?
- Yeah, as long as you can funnel some cash-
- I think I'm talking about prostitution.
(Katya laughs) But I don't know.
- How are things at home, dude?
Everything's cool?
- Yeah, it's good. - Date night every night.
- Sex every night, too?
(Trixie laughs)
- So you have sex constantly, like every day?
- Last night? Today?
- What's sex like?
How do you do it?
What's going on, is it Wednesday?
- That's- - Going to Pound Town?
- Pound Town?
- He's actually a junior in high school right now.
- You know that somebody like that is bad at (beep).
You know it.
♪ You know it. ♪
- It's quick, it's gritty, and it's like rude.
Where's the working?
- Bitch, get on Zillow. - Yeah!
(upbeat music)
Oh, we have to hate on some birds a lil bit.
- Now, I love birds.
So I'm not here to stand for this.
What's going on?
- [Realtor] Are you okay?
- I, like, I can't.
- [Realtor] Do you want me to shoo it away for you?
- I can't, no, because he's gonna fly and, ah!
(wings flapping) Oh my god!
- This is the worst thing
that's happened to us since the roach.
(Katya laughs)
- He's inching closer.
(Trixie laughs)
They're just way too big for me.
- That is big. - Sure.
- Ah, I love drinking.
I get so jealous in these shows,
watching these people drink.
What do I have?
(sniffs) This Cuban?
- Are you trying to mess with the married men in our office?
(Katya gasps)
- How are we still, oh this is broken.
- How are these people even alive?
- How are we still talking about this?
- How do they go from Point A to Point B
without just like-
- If she hadn't thought of kissing him,
we'd still be on that bird.
- Let's bring the bird back.
- Yeah, let's bring the bird back.
(upbeat music)
Have you ever had sex with somebody you worked with?
- Uhhh, no.
- I don't think I have either, ever, ever.
- Not a good idea.
- When I worked in restaurants,
straight people, it's a hotbed.
- Oh, yeah.
- (beep)(beep)(beep).
- They can't help it, though.
- What is it about people you work with
that that's where you're like,
the one person I'm not supposed to (beep).
- I mean, nobody has a pussy that unstoppable.
(both laugh)
(upbeat music)
- So, Gio hosts a casino night,
and things really pop off,
because the whole group is against the Alexandras.
I think it's because they are a very successful team,
and it's right in front of their salad.
(Katya laughs)
I hope Gio's mom shows up.
- No (beep).
- She's got a poker face.
You know, like she can play cards.
(people laughing)
When I can tell someone hates me at a party,
I walk slow when I drink champagne.
- Yeah.
- (both girls) Boop, boop.
- How has your week been?
- Good.
- We have to talk about that dress fit.
- Yeah.
- I love the gloves.
It is so too small. - It's too small.
- Her nipples look distressed.
- Those aren't nipples.
Those are like little- - Those are pleats?
- [Katya] Yeah, yeah.
- Girl. - Yeah, just busy.
Like honey? - She was like, oh honey.
- Honey is never gonna deescalate a situation.
- That's true.
- Kayla knows.
Okay, maybe Kayla can give us-
(both laugh)
- That was sickening, that was sickening.
- All I heard was like my name, and like-
- All I heard was my name, so I'm pissed.
(Katya laughs)
- My mom has a brain tumor right now.
- My mom has two! - Yeah.
- My mom doesn't have a brain!
- Yeah.
- Honey, it's not gossip- - Don't honey me!
- This "Jaws" music in the background.
♪ Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh ♪ - Girl.
- The "Mission Impossible" soundtrack
that's going on with these petty bitches
trying to find something to squabble over.
- "Cape Fear." - Yeah.
It's life or death in the OC when three vapid bitches
try to describe a thing that may or may not have happened.
(upbeat music)
So, Alexandra's trying to stick up
for Kayla at the yacht party.
- Have you ever been on a yacht?
- No, but I was just on a boat.
- Oh, you were on a speedboat. - Speedboat.
- Did you jump off? - Uh-huh.
- That's fun. - Yeah.
I peed in that water.
- Good for you. - That was the ocean.
- Having a yacht like this is probably very rich.
I'd get a rowboat and some (beep) Fruit Roll-Ups,
and call it a day.
- Is there room for one more up here?
- Yes. - Of course.
- Potentially. - I was actually just leaving.
- They really hate this bitch.
- Damn.
- And they're not even subtle about it.
- No.
- I want her to walk in and for them to go,
did anybody fart?
Does it smell like a huge, wet fart?
- It smells like a bunch of (beep) and blood.
- Wow.
- Smells like a (beep) tenement in here.
- Nobody in the office has ever had anything nice
to say about you, except me,
and you burned that (censored) bridge,
so I don't really know what you're doing here.
- Just jump off the boat, bitch.
- Yeah. - Beetlejuice.
(Katya laughs) Showing up.
Coming through.
- [Realtor] We need to see your eyes.
We need to see like if you're looking at us.
- Take off your sunglasses, you lying (beep).
- I need to see if you're looking at us.
- You foreign bitch. We can't understand a word...
- She takes 'em off and she's just completely cross-eyed.
- Like, whatever. - Wow!
- It's so funny.
- This is the life I thought I would have,
and instead it's like- - No!
- I don't even have friends to be mad at.
- No.
- When I think of what we did on our reality show,
which was real work.
- [Katya] There was so much work.
- I think I'm in the wrong business.
- It's so crazy, we got got!
(upbeat music)
- Well, this show has everything.
- Except actual fights.
- But it has very ambitious female realtors
with the teeth, and the guns out.
- Evil, evil horses.
- The slightest hint of the suggestion of adultery.
- And a full scale condemnation of that.
- A roach. (Katya laughs)
So check out "Selling the OC" on Netflix.
- Toot, toot!
(upbeat music)