I'm feeling anxious actually
I'm feeling really peculiar
We are heading up to Newcastle
for the first of my deep brain stimulation
My DBS tests
So this one...
I haven't had my meds this morning, by request
and I'm gonna have...
It's an approximately a 2 hour appointment
to investigate whether or not I'm going to be suitable for DBS
Which is a little bit...
Yeah
I've really tried hard to not think about this appointment
I really
I want to feel better, and um
this therapy might be a way of feeling better
Having watched a variety of other people's journeys
it has clearly got some incredible results
We're about to drive past the Angel of the North
It's a tall angelic figure with these enormous wings
spanning out
and DBS is a bit like that
It's good for the wings
If you're the Angel of the North, DBS would be great for you
because it works on your extremities
It's not going to change fatigue or depression
It's not going to change any of the inside, non-motor stuff
but the motor things, it could be quite helpful with
It feels really strange to be in Newcastle
because I was at a few meetings here before I stopped working
and all of a sudden it doesn't feel that long ago
that my life was going in a completely different direction
you know I worked really hard for a really long time to build my career
and I Ioved what I did, I loved my job
Sometimes we think we know what's going to happen in our lives
and things just take a bit of a detour
All those people who are heading into an appointment today
because they've got funny handwriting
or because they've got a bit of a tremor
who are suddenly going to find themselves having Parkinson's tonight
and all... it's just...
there are so many people
I'm having to dig deep this week
Yesterday, yeah it was a hard day
I don't think I had the right understanding
of what was going to happen in my test yesterday
You just don't know with kind of with these appointments
what might occur during them
I didn't take my medications in the morning
and it's an unusual thing for people with Parkinson's
to not have to take their medications
and I had to do some tests
Some physical tests
Which would be familiar to anybody who's been assessed for Parkinson's
You have to do this sort of thing
You have to hold your hands out, you have to close your eyes
If I put my hands out like this
I can hold my hands up like that for a period of time
and they'll just stay there while I'm looking at them
If I close my eyes and I have to count back from a hundred
In 3s
Already you can see it has started to drop
At that point I had to answer some questions
Some questions which were needed
for them to do an effective assessment
and they were very patient guiding me through that
but I did find that quite challenging because it was...
These are questions about my life
You know, this is 6 years of...
of challenges
So all of these tests take place
Walking up and down
and then I was given a really really big dose of Sinemet
and within about 10 minutes
I went from feeling like myself to feeling
to feeling...
I have nothing to compare it to
It was absolutely bizarre
I had a big hot flush
I was told that it might make me feel a bit peculiar
that it might make me feel a bit sick
and my God did it for the next 12 hours easily
I think I'm kind of relatively together
and then something like yesterday happens
and I just completely unraveled
and I hate feeling out of control
I don't like feeling vulnerable
I don't like asking for help
I don't like feeling like I'm making a fuss
It is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride
Well it is if you're me!
Maybe other people don't feel like this
They just get on with it and have a piece of toast
and are just stoic
I mean I...
I feel this stuff, I think about it and it bothers me you know
If I can have the DBS
that would be amazing because I would be able to reduce my meds
and I'd get the benefit without all of the side effects
I mean obviously I'll have scars and an interesting fringe but I'm um
It would be amazing
I'm hoping to get a deal with Marks and Spencers for their hats
Just saying...