No, my contact fell out does everybody see
Oh here, let me put it back in- No!!
What, we're friends! Stop it.
Ugh. Guys I really think that this- the last-
How do you touch your eyes? It's so gross I hate it too.
The last few times that we've done intros
and it's just been, um, chit chat I think
has been great. Cause people are getting
to see the real us, y'know? This is what we're really like!
Like, what do we actually talk about-
We face the same direction and-
My contacts fine, thanks for asking.
[laughter]
[title card music]
Introduce it Allison- Do it, do it, do it!
Well, first say- What's the question?
So, okay, no. There's no more questions Igor.
Are you being serious? No!
You don't know about Topics 3.0?
I've been watching, I'm a huge fan.
D'you even know that this channels totally
different now in that we sit on the couch and
we talk for longer? [gasps] it's like a vlog! I love-
No! It's not a vlog. It's not a vlog.
It's JBU 3.0 It's topics.
Ohhhh. That's different.
So today, we're going to be doing a sort of
behavioural study - an examination of the
human psyche, and why I am obsessed with
Bachelor Nation. Eyyyy!
So I originally started watching the Bachelor
as a way to have something to talk to my sister
about. Because we don't really have a lot in
common, and she doesn't return my calls. Mmmhmm. Mmhmm.
And so my Mom and I were like, you know what
we should do, is we should start watching
the Bachelor and then we'll talk to Jocelyn
about it. This was a plan with your Mom?
Yeah, my Mom and I both decided to start
watching so that we could strengthen our bond
with my sister. My Mom and I became
obsessed with it, and all we do is talk about
it with each other, and like barely talk about it
with Jocelyn [laughs]. So I- I just like,
I don't understand. And- but it's not just me Okay, so, the last- yeah wait.
it's a phenomenon. So this year, what happened?
Igor and I now are obsessed with it. Now you're obsessed with it!
And this has been a real change in my life. Me too!
Cause I would talk crazy shit on anyone
Me too! Me too!
who would watch the Bachelor. I would sit
there and I would judge the fuck out of you
and people like you, and the show. Me too.
And then one time I had nothing to do
and I was with- [laughs] I thought we were having a nice time but okay.
So tell the story about the bird.
Oh my god! Well, this is one of the most
beautiful scenes i've ever seen in my life.
It was Bachelor in Paradise, and Allison was
like, you've gotta watch this show. And it
was like complete trash, I was like no way
why would I watch this? And there was a
scene, a full minute thirty, that the editors
edited, to make it look like one of the female
contestants was speaking to a bird. And not
only that, but the bird was responding. And
not only that, but the bird was responding in
perfect Spanish. [laughs]
I thought it was like, the worst of heterosexuality
and now I can't stop watching it because
I'm learning so much about straight people.
I can see myself falling in love with the Bachelor.
It's this one thing that like, people from all
aspects of my life watch. So, like, it's like-
humanity. [laughs] Yeah!
I don't know how to describe it. I've been able
to connect with people who normally I'll be
sitting there bored out of my fucking mind
and then suddenly the Bachelor will come up
and like, I'm good to go.
Don't we all want to find love? And don't we
all want to become famous while doing it?
I think it is the craziest thing i've ever seen. Yes.
It's insane! Like, sometimes, I will watch
the show and I get so nervous, because I
think about what's gonna happen when
I'm at the rose ceremony, and then I realise,
oh, I don't have to be on the show.
Like, every time they talk, I just out loud go
it's been three weeks. They're all moving too fast. That's the thing.
It's wild. And then when someones not moving fast
enough, they get cut. Right!
If they're like, well I'm not ready to be
engaged they're like pfft, Kendall has a
problem. You gotta get rid of Kendall.
She has commitment issues, it's two and a half weeks in.
Also, no one has made it. [laughs]
Like, it's been like, it's been like combined
like over thirty seasons, and there's maybe
like one couple. Your Dad- your Dad challenged us.
What? To wikipedia- your Dad was here and he was
like, has it ever worked? And we were like
yeah, of course! Yeah, they've all gotten married!
And then there was like, none.
I get so invested in this way that I can't describe.
It's become an addiction. So I-
I never watched it. Then I saw Becca M and I'm addicted
she's the most beautiful perfect angel i've
ever seen and I love her and I will ride or die.
And then, uh, and then- I support that.
I got into it, because I just wanted to watch
Becca M, and then she went home - spoilers
and then I still watched it. And then, I was like
well, I have to watch Winter Games. And then
I like, there's- the sound I made when I went
on Hulu and realised that Winter Games
wasn't gonna be up until the next day-
What was the sound?
Like, I went [growl screams]. Like I couldn't
get my heroin. It is a drug.
I wonder if there's an aspect of it- like you
know how people all over the world watch
sports? Is there like Yeah.
an as - is it our sport? It's our sport.
Is it sport? It's sports.
Love is war. And there are warriors on that
show, and they're duking it out and the last
one survives. It's- they're in the ring-
But I'm never happy with who they pick.
No, never. They pick the worst people.
Maybe that's what keeps you coming back for
next season. Maybe this time it'll be
different. Like every relationship in your life.
I also think it's a cool study in polyamory.
Oh, absolutely. And, I also think-
It's bananas that this show has been on for
as long it's been on, and these people just
make out with everybody and then have sex
with three people. Whenever someone's like, but I don't like
that you're dating other people. I'm like
what did you sign up for?
Do you think if you were on the show,
competing- I would hook up with all the other girls?
Obviously. [laughs]
Igor, I think you should go on the Bachelorette
To be one of the guys competing Yes. Yes! Definitely.
I- I think if I do that, I would go there kind
of like to have a good time and to like, be
joking but I think- You would fall in love?
I would fall in love.
I talked to my sister yesterday and she was
like, you don't understand. I'm a superfan.
She said, I think about it as I'm falling asleep
at night. [laughter and gasps]
And it's- it's just exciting to me because, like
i've never been part of the zeitgeist before. [laughs]
Like I never cared about the Olympics, I don't
care about sports, like I- I never cared about
like American Idol. You don't check the weather.
Yeah, I don't watch- I don't watch Game of
Thrones, I don't watch Breaking Bad. Mmmhmm.
Anyway, the point is, I'm really happy to be a
part of something. [laughs]
Oh my god. So earnest.
Like, just like I recently got- I feel like I'm
experiencing things where I'm like, oh this is
how other people have just lived.
Yeah, I never knew that pop culture could be
fun. I thought it was something for me to Yeah!
fun of from my aloof place.
I mean even just that like, my friends come over.
Mmhmmm. [laughs]
So in Winter Games there was like a, uh, a
kissing contest. And like the judges picked Mmhmm.
like the winner, right? And so I watched it with Mmhmm.
Jon and then I said to Jon, I said, we should
do that, like we should tape us kissing for
like a kissing contest, and he was like ugh
can we do it tomorrow? I don't look good. [laughs]
And I was like, who cares? And he was like
no, I need to shower, like I don't look good.
And I was like, but it's just like, it's just for
us, and he was like, oh I thought we were
submitting this to like and official Bachelor [laughs]
kissing competition. And the best part is I love that he was s-
he was willing to do it- He was ready to do it, like-
Tell people that you were on TV on women
tell all. Oh my god.
Oh yeah. So that was really exciting for me.
My friend, um, got me tickets to the Women's
tell all, I was featured on the Womens tell all You were on TV!
The process itself was horrible, but I'm really
glad it happened.
I can't believe that I'm so into it. And I can't Yup.
believe that I really care about who wins
and I will watch Bachelor in Paradise, and
I will watch the Bachelorette.
It's like Harry Potter, it appeals to everybody Yeah! Yeah.
I think it's just the most romantic prison [laughs]
They got me, after 22 seasons, and I'm so
sorry I ever mocked you Allison.
Thank you. And it's more than 22 seasons
it's just 22 seasons of the Bachelor,
the Bachelorette's had like 13 seasons.
We'll put this up right before the finale,
so let's say who we think he's going to pick
Oh. I think he's going to pick the brunette.
I think he's gonna pick the boring Lauren.
I think he's going to send Lauren home, go
to propose to Becca, then realise he actually
loves Lauren, break up with Becca and then
chase after a broken hearted Lauren.
Wow. That is so specific.
If I'm right, can I have five hundred dollars?
Yes. From Ari himself. [laughter]
Oh I love to see the different people
people are attracted to. I find that so
fascinating. Like how I think Ari is the
best Bachelor ever and I have yet to meet
a single person who likes him.
I think he's really good looking for a 54 year old. [laughter]
Subtitles by the Amara.org community