Jerome we're live... amateur here are True Facts about the Lemur. The ringtail
lemur, seen here basking it nitzels in the sun, is one of roughly 100 species of
lemur - the endangered primitive primate that lives on the island of Madagascar
Jerome, you have to take this seriously... I'm not gonna ask again
Ringtails are highly social living in troupes of up to 30 individuals. Females
are dominant and they are the same size as the submissive males. The hormones
regulating increased female aggression also lead to enlarged genitals, and it
can be hard to tell them apart. This for example is a female. While this one could
be either... oop, no that's a male. In order to stay connected lemurs participate in
social grooming. Trust me if you did this with your roommates you'd be closer -
it's like picking a piece of lint off your roommates sweater except you're
both naked and you're using your tongue. With all this grooming going on lemurs
have evolved a kind of Swiss Army vanity kit. They have a comb made out of their
friggin teeth. They also have an elongated nail referred to as a
toilet claw - which sounds like something Wolverine would be admitted to the
hospital for. In fairness the word toilet used to mean washing up or getting
dressed, not a hole to in. The word toilet is
not happy about that. He gets teased at cocktail parties. Words like taffeta and
bouillabaisse make jokes like "have you seen what toilet is wearing?" "Was it a
steaming pile of . Then they both laugh, which isn't nice. I digress. One of the
greatest benefits of being a wild animal is of course free pooping. Some lemurs
though are not true free poopers instead choosing a very unhappy tree as a
communal latrine. Lemurs are among the most vocal of the primates the Indri
lemur, for example, can't seem to shut up, and sounds a bit like when you squeak
fart by pulling apart the butthole of a birthday balloon.
Most lemurs also communicate through colognes that they make themselves in
scent producing glands. For example brenda is saying that she
really likes this little tree. This is Brenda's little tree now. When
female ringtails are receptive to mating males compete in something called a
stink fight. They rub their tails over a variety of scent glands on their genital
regions their wrists and their chest. This arms the tail with an odor which
like a fraternity brother cup wafting a fart they send in their competitors
general direction. Listen this works if you're at a bar take your hand and mix
the smells from your rear bubbus your front stank and your two pitzels. Then
wave it at someone. Ten bucks says they leave. Ringtails spend a lot of time on
the ground and from a young age learn to walk and run fairly gracefully. The
sifaka on the other hand... do we have a better angle? This is like a post on a
private Instagram account called "brown eyed Earl" Well that's not much better.
Sifakas spend most of their lives in trees and are very impressive jumpers.
They are even comfortable on the octopus tree, a tree covered in spiky thorns.
Which is evolutions way of saying don't ing climb on me. Sifaka don't give a
On the ground though the sifaka is not so elegant. Sort of an airline passenger
with urgent diarrhea trying to squeeze past the drink cart kind of walking. The
Indri also spends most of its time in the trees. It is even figured out how to
build nests like birds. the Indri predominantly eats leaves like this one
who looks like he just realized that the little piggy who went to the market
wasn't going on a shopping trip. Thank You Reddit. The ringtail will also eat
the occasional insect like a cicada or locusts when they swarm. Imagine that...
food just flying around like if a tornado hit a flaming hot cheeto factory.
Some lemurs will eat poisonous millipedes biting them and then rubbing
the anti-parasitic poison on their genitals.
Whoever figured that out was a genius or an idiot. Many lemurs eat fruits and
are primary seed dispersers in Madagascar. Which means that for many
plants the circle of life includes a section inside the lemurs butthole.
The bamboo lemur eats bamboo...not named by the most creative person. Probably named his cat "cat food cat".
the mouse lemur, which is amazing, gently sips the nectar
from the flowers of the bottle baobab tree. They may be cute but they are
extremely dangerous to the dumbest and slowest of the insects. Seriously, bugs
are embarrassed when their friends are eaten by a mouse lemur. Let's face it
lemurs are cute, especially the babies. And I'm not blowing smoke up their
I don't even know why I would. Someone must have done it at some point for the
phrase to exist. Let's pretend were dragons! I have an idea! Lemurs are
adorable but they are going extinct. Don't let these lemur babies wind up in
an empty white room clutching a facsimile of another
endangered animal. The Duke Lemur Center allows you to symbolically adopt a lemur
towards their conservation efforts. You never know. We might be endangered
someday and then we'll want the lemurs giving to the Duke Human Center. We're
not nearly as cute and we're gonna need all the help we can get.
This looks like it's from an Instagram account named butt circus...Big Bird and SnuffleUpYourButt
turd's eye view... total eclipse of the bum.... Friday makeup tips and buttholes