Simon: Ladies and gentlemen I am pissed off.
Simon: That pizza video that we did- we were really expecting to have something gross- for once, in Japan.
Simon: But we were sorely mistaken because that pizza was delicious. Today, though-
Simon: We are going to have something that we know is going to be absolutely vile and that is Japan's obsession with flavored water
Simon: So what's gonna happen is Dan is going to pour flavored water into our glasses,
Simon: We're going to taste it, write down what we think it is on here-whoever gets it right, gets a point
Simon: Whoever has the least amount of points faces a terrible Frankenstein punishment at the end
Martina: As we drink the flavored water we will be pouring the remains into this bottle and it will slowly create a concoction of disgusting flavors or maybe really good (flavors)!
Martina: It will like- It'll neutralize and taste like water Simon: Who knows?
Simon: Exactly, it'll just taste like water
Martina: So someone will have to chug a bottle of Frankenstein water
Martina: I hope it's not me. The power of Big Bang is with me!
Simon: I am so excited to try (Martina: I call upon you, Spudgy!) something gross for once! (Be there for me, boy!)
Martina: *imitating Spudgy* I love my mom!
Simon: Are you ready?
Simon: Dan, let's start round one!
*Martina imitating Spudgy*: Hello, my name is Spudgy!
*Martina imitating Meemers*: And I'm the Meemers!
*Martina imitating Spudgy*: And we will be your hosts for today's bizzare show, (both Spudgy&Meemers)"Water You Drinking?!"
Martina: Hm, looks like water. No- don't smell it!
Simon: Okay
Martina: Now we just need to reach for it right now- Simon: Just reach for it and don't smell, okay.
Martina: Reach for it, and take it down. Ready? Simon: Round one.
Martina: Aaand, go.
Martina: Come on
Martina: Oh- okay. Simon: Oh, oh oh. Martina: Alright.
Dan: three..
Dan: Two...
Dan: One!
Martina: Simon? Simon: Yeah.
Dan: And, reveal!
Dan: The answer was:
Dan: Strawberry!
Simon: Yeah, what did you get? Martina: What?
Simon: YEAH! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Martina: Shh, there are CHILDREN
Simon: There are children here.
Martina: I also had about five pounds of medicine today, so...
Martina: I don't know if I'm in the right place. I'm in a lot of pain today.
Simon: That tasted like a dissolved... starburst.
Martina: Why would you want to drink this? No. I-I can't even say that cuz I know someone out there like-
*Martina imitating someone*: I love flavored water.
Martina: I'm like- *retching noises*
Martina: I wish I had some water to wash out the water
Simon: Pour in the Frankenstein water.
Simon: So- what you're saying is that the loser has to drink your backwash?
Simon: ugggghhhh
Martina: Ichigo- really? Simon: Ichi-go away. This is terrible. Martina: I want puns for every one, Simon.
Martina: That's enough, that's enough! Sir, that is enough. Simon: Okay
Simon: One point for Simon, I like the way this is going.
Simon: You ready?
Simon: Alright. Martina: Here we go.
Simon: Round two Martina: Oh, boy. Here we go
Simon: Okay, Martina: You want some water?
Simon: You want some water?
Martina: It doesn't taste good, Simon: For special times.
Martina: Okay, you ready? Simon: Here we go.
Martina: I feel so sad, Simon: Ohhh M: I feel so sad. S: Oh, go-
S: OHHHHHH M: OH,
Simon: Oh, that second bit of aftertaste
S: What is that- ah, do you know what it is? M: No, and I drank all mine, so now I'm out of evidence.
Martina: What?
M: Okay, S: Okay, M: I don't think this is right.
Simon: I don't think this is right either.
Simon: Okay ready, three, two... one
*Dan chuckles*
Simon: Ho- Who- What'd you write?
Dan: You're both wrong!
Martina: What is it?
Dan: It's Calpis
Martina: Ahhhhhh
Martina: Sodesu ne (Trans: That's right!) *Simon 'ohhhhhs' in the background*
Martina: Calpis!
Martina: Why would you need Calpis FLAVORED water?
Simon: Why would you do that?
Martina: But who was the closest, Dan? Calpis definitely is a creamy, orange flavor, right? *Simon cuts in* S: No, no, no. None of us got it right. Calpis-
Martina: Doesn't- Dan: Neither of you wrote Calpis, so
Simon: Calpis is it's own distinct flavor *Martina cuts in* Martina: But look, I got a 'C'. Which- Simon: Look,
Martina: Look 'cream orange WTF'. I think I am the closest, leave your votes in the comments section below.
Martina: Why does it go in there?
Simon: Oh. Martina: Oh, you put your spitty backwash in- Simon: I put my backwash in *both laugh*
Martina: You literally said to me, "Don't put your spitty backwash in"
Martina: And then you're all like "I'll just put my spitty backwash in" Simon: Mix that in there.
*Martina laughs* Simon: This thing got some strawberry, Calpis- Martina: I really hope you lose,
*Simon laughs now* Martina: after making me
Spudgy: Gosh, things sure are heating up! Meemers: Mmhhm
Spudgy: Why don't we take a rare behind the scene look at the contestants?
Meemers: Great idea!
Simon: Hang in there, monkey butt. Martina: I thought this would be a lot easier, if I'm being honest with you
*Simon laughs* Simon: I thought that I would know- Martina: I thought that I would know
Simon: I thought I would know what this is about? Martina: Oh, this is bad sign. Bad sign!
Simon: Bad sign! Martina: Bad sign! Simon: Bad, bad sign
Dan: Alright- *Martina speaks in an undefinable language* Simon: Lemme just say, Fidel Castro does not approve of this
*bell dings* Simon: Here we go. Martina: Ready? Simon: Ready? Both: 3, 2, 1
*gags*
Simon: Ah, that's the worst one of all Martina: This tastes like it's made out of plastic
Simon: What is this? Martina: This tastes like someone melted down children's toys
Martina: You know those scratch and sniff toys? And then they melted it down with the plastic and then they poured it in.
Simon: What is this? Who likes this?
Simon: This is terrible! Martina: What is this? This is awful
Simon: I'm just breathing it in- Martina: This is like erasers this tastes like er-
*sniffs*
Martina: I can't even guess from the smell, it smells so bad.
*groans and sad laughter*
*gurgling*
*record scratch* Simon: Oh, wait I think I might have unlocked the flavor by gargling it. Martina: Me too. *laughs*
Dan: Ready, 3,- Simon: Yeah. Dan: 2, 1
Martina: Honey lemon water. Simon: Poison berry!
*Dan chuckles* Dan: Nooooope *buzzer sound*
Martina: None of us?! *Simon mixes words with nervous chuckling, creating a sentence that I cannot define*
Dan: Nooooope. Simon: What is it?
Dan: It's nashi, it's y- pear
M: That's not nashi! S: It's pear? M: Has anyone had a pear before? S: Have you ever tasted a pear? M: That's not pear!
Martina: That tasted like- Simon: aPEARently you haven't!
(Martina's reaction is me) XD
*crickets chirp*
*lone pan flute plays*
Simon: Oh my gosh. Martina: For the record, the nashi one, the pear, is the worst one. Simon: The pear is the worst one
Martina: It is the worst one. Simon: You know what? Martina: It is awful- Dan, you don't like it do you?
Dan: Wait, wait, wait, it's alright!
*horrified gasps*
Martina: The pear one?! Dan: I like it.
Martina: Have you even tried it?! Simon: You're-
Dan: I'd buy it, with money. And-
Simon: You'd actually pay your own money, Dan: I'd pay money for this.
Simon: That's just absolutely, horribible (yes he did say that XD)
Martina: I feel like I just found out about Dan, like something when you find, like a friend kicks puppies.
Martina: And then you're like, I can't be friends with you 'cus you kick puppies. Simon: That's just- Martina: Dan's like, 'I'd buy this nasty water and I like it'
Simon: I'll tell you what I am so happy that this is gross. Our pizza video was just so disappointing,
Simon: This is the right level of gross, Japan you have not let me down. This water is vile!
*in accent* Martina: Oh gosh. Simon: Oh gosh, doncha know?
Martina: I'm just so sad, doncha know? Simon: Oh go-. I just, I just so sad this (T.T)
*sarcasm kicks in* Martina: Oh, we're doing really well. Simon: We're doing real well
*at same time* Simon: I got 1! Martina: We're doing great!
*Dan laughs in the background*
Simon: Hey I got 1 point
Martina: This is a bad luck location. We have scouted for a new table. We're moving, I've had it!
Martina: Don't bring your water Dan
Simon: So for this week's food adventure program, we're gonna start having some food
Martina: Right, Dan? Simon: What? Martina: You got us good food??
Simon: No? *in background* Dan: Uhhhhhhh... Martina: Still water? Simon: Still drinking poison filth?
Dan: Alright
*bell dings* Simon: Alright. We're ready? Dan: Yup.
Simon: Oh hell.
Martina: This is a- you poured a lot in here, sir. Simon: Yeah, hold it, you gotta chill with these portion sizes, alright?
Martina: Everyone around us is like, 'Are they drinking vodka, like or not?' Simon: It's not just water. Okay?
Martina: Alright. Simon: Here we go. Cheers... (Don't you guys just feel the enthusiasm? XD)
*baby crying*
Martina: Feel sad.
Martina: Feel sad. :(
Dan: 3...2...1
Simon: What do you have? Martina: Vitamin C orange.
Simon: Vitamin C? I have orange *Martina joins* sewage bilge cream.
Dan: It's actually Mikan flavor.
Simon: Mikan! *some undefineable words '-.-* Martina: Mikan is an orange!
Dan: Yeah, yeah. But orange and Mikan are slightly different.
Martina: But I wrote orange and Simon wrote sewage bilge cream. Dan: And you both wrote orange...
Simon: So we both get- we're both the same
Dan: I'll give you both a point.
Martina: You wwwwwanker! Simon: YAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!
Simon: Did you read the ingredients on the back to see if they have any like, *Martina joins* sewage bilge?
Simon: In there? 'Cus I'm pretty sure it does.
Martina: It smell a bit like sewage to me. Simon: It tastes like a Ninja Turtle's urinal. Martina: It does, actually.
Simon: Pure crappity, crap, crap, crap Martina: crap, crap (What is going on here? XD)
Martina: There's children around! Simon: Sorry. Stop saying bad words.
Martina: No. Bad words are not allowed.
Martina: You don't have to pour any near here.
Martina: See?! Does it?!
Martina: Soo, wait.
Dan: L- l- look. Martina: No, hang on. Simon: No, that's not the flavor of it.
Martina: But, what I'm saying is, when I tasted this, it tasted like those Vitamin C drinks they give people
where you shake it up and it tastes like fake Vitamin C.
Simon: Look everything we had, had Vitamin C in it Martina: Which technically-
Simon: There is no retroactive giving of points- Martina: Of course there is! It's like when you get a ti-
Martina: Just right now, the TFC, something happened. They had something taken from them and now
they're referring to the referee condition(?) to look at the video tape and find out- Simon: But look, that's soccer.
Simon: That's not a real sport.
*Simon laughs nervously* Martina: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH
Simon: You can't even compare it.
Martina: I would like to request minus 1 point from Simon for the comments *more nervous laughter*
Martina: Maybe stricken from the records. Simon: It's not even a real sports.
Simon: Sooooo. Martina: I simply asked. Simon: I have 2 points, you have 1. Martina: Yes.
*whiny mode on* Simon: You punched me really hard, by the way. Martina: I- I'm a really good puncher.
Simon: You got me right in my pressure point.
Spudgy: Woah. Dan sure is turning out to be a pedantic wanker. Meemers: Mmhhm.
Spudgy: Let's go behind the scenes. Meemers: Great idea!
Martina: Is the back of this board also a white board?
Martina: How's that look, Simon?
Simon: Cool. Martina: Pretty good?
Simon: It does.
Martina: Uhh.. For the record, this was not a white board side.
Martina: And it is there, forever. Simon: Aw sh*baahh*t
Martina: What'd you make?
Simon: Uhh.. How's this one look?
*Simon laughs* Simon: This is- Martina: Can I see yours? Simon: How does this one look?
*bell dings* Martina: Okay, Dan. Simon: 'Kay. Here we go.
Dan: All right. Ready? Simon: Pour that gross water
Dan: Alright. Go for it. Simon *mumbles*: Here we go.
*groans of digust/despair*
Simon: Okay...
Simon: What's this one? Here we go.
Simon: Cheers... (Quite the enthusiastic cheers you got there Simon)
Martina: I got this one, instantly. Simon: I got this one.
Simon: Awww it's so bad. Martina: It's not good, though. (x2)
Simon: It's so bad. I wanna describe it more.
Simon: It's so vile.
Both: Ready?
Dan: 3, 2, 1!
Dan: Pretty much royal milk tea.
Simon: What do you have? Martina: Wait, what did you write?
Simon: I have *together* royal milk tea.
Dan: It- it's premiu-, no, morning premium tea.
Simon: Morning premium tea- Martina: Premium MORNING tea. It's not royal,
Simon: Now here's- Martina: It's just premium
Simon: Here's what's upsetting to me. TEA, is already, diluted flavors of stuff. Martina: Yup.
Simon: Why do you have to dilute something that's already diluted?
Simon: Look. Tea's already gross to begin with. Like, why have apple tea? Just eat an apple.
Martina: I disagree. Simon is really trying to make enemies today.
Martina: He said football isn't real. *punch* Simon: Football sucks.
Martina: Canadian football sucks. *punch* Simon: You know what?
Martina: And tea sucks. *punch*
Simon: And you know what?
Simon: Donald Trump, he's kinda weird.
XD
*Martina laughs* Simon: I said it. Alright? Martina: I said it.
Simon: Think he's- think he's a little weird Martina: Unpopular opinion
Simon: May be an unpopular opinion. There you go.
Martina: You're adding it- I thought it was only for the losers?
Simon: No! I- with- the-. The loser has to drink the whole concoction.
Simon: That's a lot of water so- *slurred words that are undefinable '-.-* *Dan laughs in the background* Simon: Oh, it's too much water.
Dan: You ready?
*bell dings* Martina: We're ready. Simon: We're ready.
*groans*
*Sarcasm joins the scene* Martina: Look at that! Water! Simon: Look at that. More water Martina: More water.
Simon: Okay... Martina: Let's do this.
Simon: Here we go... Martina: Enjoy the water.
Martina: I think you clean the floor with this. This is like floor cleaner. Simon: This is the worst one.
Simon: Is this Mr. Clean? Martina: This is Mr. Clean.
Simon: This is Mr. Clean. Martina: This is Mr. Clean.
Simon: I got it! Martina: You ready? Simon: You ready?
Both: 3, 2, 1!
Martina: What did you write? Lemon floor cleaner?
Dan: The answer was... honey lemon.
Simon: Honey lemon? Martina: Honey lemon.
Simon: So, both of us are right...
Martina: Well, you said lemon floor cleaner... Simon: Well I obviously- Martina: And I said lemon tea.
Martina: And this is something that you drink that you would put honey in.
Martina: You would have lemon tea, and you would add honey to it.
Simon: Look- Martina: While you said floor cleaner,
Simon: Honey lemon, both of us have the same amount of lemon in here.
Martina: We both get a point for this, Dan? Simon: Both of us get a point.
Simon: Dan?
Dan: You got it, both, half-right, so you both get a point. Martina: Iiiiiiiiiii don't-
Martina: I don't know why you thought there was honey in there. There was no honey in there.
Simon: You tasted the floor cleaner in there, though, right?
Martina: Oh, there was definitely hints of floor cleaner. Simon: There was definitely floor cleaner. See?
Martina: The reason I said tea, is because it didn't have, like, a strong lemon taste
it had like a diluted lemon taste.
Simon: Ah. I'm so happy that I don't like any of this.
Simon: For those of you who might be saying, "Hey, Simon and Martina. You're not being honest, you're saying everything's great in your videos."
Simon: Well, here you have, TRUTH BOMB for ya right here. Martina: T- TRUTH BOMB FOR YOUR FACE!
Simon: So here's what we're doing, Martina: What?
Simon: This is the last one right here. Martina: It's worth 2 points!
Simon: You have to get this right, and I get it wrong, to tie.
Simon: If I get this right, I automatically win.
Simon: Alright. Last one. Here we go!
*bell dings*
*heavily breathing in and out*
Martina: C'mon taste buds! Just because you're being blanked out by all the medication in your body,- *Simon does this weird thing with his tongue*
Martina: Doesn't mean you can't do this! Simon: Got it!
Simon: Flicked my tongue for more flavor! *scrunches up face*
Simon: A- does it even work? Who knows?
Simon: I shouldn't have done that... Martina: Ah, the old fashioned tongue flicking technique!
Martina: In a... area filled with children, where you just got a million germs. Simon: Look, it's- it's an- it's an ancient Chinese secret.
Martina: Is it?
Spudgy: And now, for a word from our sponsers.
Wow Becky your house is so sparkling clean. How do you do it?
Ancient Chinese secret too bad. We're in Japan. Please don't work here
We have a winner for the grossest freakin water
The back of my tongue just salivated extra spit because it was so upset with what just happened
I literally put him I'm out and I felt the saliva like pouring over my you
Don't mind you like my way. Tell. I walked it out
Okay, so for anybody that's living in Japan that has had these waters and that enjoys us
Please let me know why why exactly hey
Constructive with your feedback. Oh my son feels so wrong we're gonna have to drink that is gonna suffer alright here we go
What do you have fermented yogurts commended yoghurt, what is it?
Well, this is a nightmare day for Martina don't worry. This is gonna get your mind off the pain if I throw up
I'm throwing up on to you Dan Simon Dan's middle name is Simon. That's weird
We gotta describe this smell smells like skittles dissolved in milk yeah, it smells like Halloween candy when it like melts down
Flavor to me oh my god
It's so gross. It's so gross. It tastes like puke like when you throw up in your mouth
And then you have vomit in your mouth. That's what this tastes like
I'm Dan Simon has it you do it on. Oh my god. I can't finish it. No I can't finish it
I'm gonna literally throw up
I will close this up, and I will take intermittent sips throughout the entire way home
But I cannot finish it in one thing. I don't want you to
Subtitles by: @hesjtate on twitter