uh our next guest is uh getting a lot of attention as a writer and performer on
saturday night live this year he's making his network television debut right here on
our program tonight ladies and gentlemen please welcome a very funny young man adam sandler adam
thank you very much thank you i appreciate it thank you
thank you okay um basketball season really going hot and heavy now isn't it oh yeah uh
like to uh do a little impression for you uh will chamberlain scored 100 points in one basketball
game that's a a lot of points for one game isn't it 100 points one game i'd uh like to
do an impression for you this is the uh four other fellas on the team with wilt uh during a time out
hey i'm open man
what are you doing pass the ball i got my family here
you got like 94 points already ed has two that's cause you bounced it off his head just share the
wealth a little um here's my impression of the coach on the other team uh who's covering wilt
i'll stay on him i believe he's hot
oh yeah i feel nice i say hi to my i got a girlfriend right now how are you
i uh my girlfriend i got a very smart girlfriend i'm not that
smart so it's kind of off balance having a smart girlfriend our conversations are weird she's like
your slightest touch propels me into a universe of passion
where you rule benevolently over all my emotions and i'm like um uh you got big jugs
pagan i like them i like looking at them
i don't think i have a girlfriend i don't see us breaking up i mean i'm not going to break
up with her and she'd have to break up with me just because i'm not good at breaking up it's
too difficult i can start a breakup but once i make eye contact you know i just feel so bad
i just can't finish up i'm like um i just think that we're kind of young and we got to experience
a little more things you know like maybe we should start seeing other uh movies because
we've been seeing so many french comedies maybe a nice action film
i uh back living in new york new york um known for a lot of strange people this uh guy came
up from behind me recently and put a machete to the back of my neck and he goes hey what's
more peck with peanuts a snicker bar or a baby root and i was like
wow ah this guy's a little whacked in the head here you know of course it's a snicker bar
how can you ask that question
it's not that thing it's a campaign packed with peanuts nick is satisfied you know
so the whole thing i can deal with a machete it's just the stupidity that question is
you know i'm just every bite you take with snicker bar you're gonna hit a peanut it's just
loaded with them it's got so many peanuts i'm not saying one's better than the other i like
i mean if i want caramel and noo getting a
few just a few peanuts of course i'm gonna get you know a baby ruth but
just a guy could have saved a lot of money you know he must have spent like 40 or 50 dollars on
a machete you could spend a dollar for two candy bars you'd bite into both and just snicker bar
i think it's even difficult not to hit a peanut you know just so many peanuts
well uh elvis presley is alive and well everybody he's about uh eight inches tall
right now he lives in my uh refrigerator right behind a ketchup bottle and the other day i came
home a little earlier than usual and i opened up the refrigerator door and elvis was running
away with this big head of lettuce that i just bought like a couple days before and
i was like what are you what are you doing man with my lettuce you know because i like lettuce
lettuce is good for your sandwiches you bite into a sandwich without lettuce it's kind of
boring and bland and but when you get the lettuce on there you get the crunch and stuff you know
it's going to be a good sandwich so i was like what are you doing man with my lettuce and he
and elvis gets all defensive he's like i'll do anything i want i'm a king of rock and roll
i just you know
i so i go uh um i just want my lettuce man i and all of a sudden he bolts to the back of
the refrigerator that's a part of the refrigerator where uh i can't reach he's right out of my reach
and he's kind of like sticking his chest out because he's getting real cocky because i can't
grab him and he's spinning the lettuce on his thing and leaning back and all right
starts humming love me tender and i go i let me attend it i don't even like that song very much
and uh he goes oh yeah you don't like that song that song made me a lot of money
why don't you buy your own lettuce then you know if you got something you know
they're not the little uh chuck wagon guy lives in my house too to chuck wagon guys
always running through my house in the middle of the night waking everybody up hiya take it easy so
one night i just set a trap up in my house to get the guy because i was laying in my bed i set the
trap up and he starts running through the kitchen like two in the morning waking me up you know
oh yeah i don't care about anybody i'm the chuck wagon guy ah if i'm not sleeping nobody's sleeping
so i the trap was like little hay in the corner of the kitchen and the horse chewed some of the
hay and it got to a certain level and a guillotine just came down and snapped that horse's head off
and i took the horse's head and put it on elvis's bed like the guard caught him
and i was like why don't you start paying a little runt money now now elvis is a little kiss-ass he's
like uh i i cleaned the fruit and vegetable section today thank you very much everybody
nice job thank you very very funny stuff where are you from uh exactly from new hampshire originally
i'm from brooklyn but then i moved to new hampshire what part of new hampshire manchester
new hampshire uh not familiar with it i'll take your word for it i've heard of it it's very nice
uh and now you're working on saturday night live so you move back down to new york and uh
have you adjusted uh pretty well to the city here yeah yes i uh i like this it is very nice i um
took a cab uh recently i took a cab my cab driver you know everybody always talks about the weird
cab guys we were driving along me and the guy and he uh killed the dog on the way he uh didn't hit
the dog where the car just got out and stabbed the dog oh no big night yeah that's awful and uh
have your apartment checked for radon when you go um and
and uh you actually have a girlfriend a nice woman smart nice sweet girl
yeah yeah how long have you known her not a couple years now yeah
i uh i'm glad i have a girlfriend i don't have to ask out girls anymore i used to uh
new york i lived here a few years ago all the pretty girls and i uh my friend i don't
like like like i like pretty girls are nice to look at no i just don't uh like mediocre
girls are better you know and they don't get me nervous i i was well they don't get you nervous
yeah like the the good looking girls i was with my friend and well you saw this good looking girl and
he goes go ask her out i go i don't know what to say to her he goes jess ass ask her out the
word she's going to say is no so i asked her out and she goes get away from me you lose it
i'm like i think you broke the rules man i'm not exactly counting on that yeah
uh are there are there comedians from new hampshire aside from yourself i don't know
i don't know uh i don't know i'm not sure i bet if they were they would be very funny yeah yeah
funny guys who's uh who's on the show this week um oh man the uh um from sc tv yeah the mother
in home alone i forgot her name obviously oh oh catherine o'hara yeah she's very funny yeah
and rem's on too oh that's a great show that's gonna be great yeah all right knock it off
how high how are you uh my thanks to everybody who's here of course uh albert brooks and adam
pleasure to meet you i hope you come back as often as you like nice to have you in
the neighborhood uh the orange guy now listen to this we don't have time for the orange guy tonight
hey he'll be here tomorrow night good night everybody
you