oh hey guys didn't see you there god
this looks like the beginning of a very
artsy porno
it is nearly midnight on a Monday and I
thought you know it is finally time to
sit down and chat with you guys I
honestly feel like over the past maybe
even like three months it's been a
long-ass time since I've been able to
sit down in front of a camera and talk
genuinely and openly in the way that I
used to my plan for this video is in
classic sleepover style to film it very
late so that I'm more emotionally
vulnerable than usual just sit on my bed
and chat with you guys first I'm gonna
catch you guys up on all the [ __ ] that's
been going on in my life and all of my
feelings so many feelings objectively
too many feelings for my brain to handle
love that for me and then I asked you
guys on Instagram to shoot me your boy
problems your questions about sex your
questions about life living in your 20s
and I'm going to do my best to give you
guys advice despite being a very
emotional mess myself so yeah okay
what's been going on with me for those
of you who don't know I was in like my
first long-term relationship ever with
David we went to New York at the end of
July and then we broke up soon after
that so oh boy there has been a process
of self-discovery even though some of
you guys are curious I'm not gonna go
super in detail about why we broke up
just out of respect for David's privacy
and I do realize that that's a little
bit hypocritical because I was so
willing in my previous videos to show
those like super romantic lovey dovey
moments and show the perfect side of our
relationship I am complicit in producing
a image of a perfect couple online that
wasn't perfect but for some reason it
feels easy to share the good parts of
your life and the good parts of a
relationship but it is much harder to
share your struggles especially in a way
that doesn't invade somebody else's
privacy or feel like you are speaking
badly of them which I would never want
because David is a really good guy so I
don't need to repeat traumatic at all it
was a good relationship it just wasn't
the right relationship but there's a
saying that the heart is like a muscle
and you just have to like exercise it'll
get stronger you know which I totally
feel is true because the first
time I got my heart broken I was like
shattered for like three months I could
not stop crying but I live grown up I
mean it's still hard but it becomes so
much more manageable as you know what
you want and who you are and what value
you have whether or not you're in a
relationship and that is like one of the
most [ __ ] amazing things about
growing up it also does actually feel
good to finally be alone with my own
brain I think when you're in a long-term
relationship and you spend that much
time with somebody they can also kind of
get in your head even when you're not
around them so for example in the weeks
after the breakup my brain had this like
default process still of being like Oh
what would what would David think of
this video idea or what would David say
about the food that I'm eating right now
and it can be hard to separate those
thoughts out of your head but it can
also be really freeing to realize that
there isn't another person who gets
their input about you and the only thing
that matters is your opinion about
yourself and what you want to do and
that's a beautiful thing I feel like in
a way being in a relationship is I don't
know if you have any artists out here
but I was an art kid growing up so when
you're drawing something and you like
really get into that flow State you're
just like working working and you lose
track of time you lose track of your
need to like eat or sleep all that
you're thinking about is creating this
beautiful piece of art and I feel like
that's what a relationship is it's
beautiful but it also feels like these
blinders and you don't really realize
that the world is grazing around you
until you're out of that relationship or
your art piece is done in this metaphor
and you look up and you realize that
like oh [ __ ] it's 2:00 a.m. or for me
like oh [ __ ] like I graduated college
I'm a real adult now and I don't [ __ ]
have any friends my point is right now I
am in like a process of rebuilding my
social circles I always tell myself that
I'm not gonna be that [ __ ] who forgets
to hang out with any friends or make any
effort to make friends when she's in a
relationship but that was totally me and
also something that wasn't healthy I
think is always healthy in a
relationship to have a steady group of
friends around you honestly like earlier
this week I was very sad I cried myself
to sleep I think like three days in a
row not ideal I was getting in a little
my PD rabbit hole that happens sometimes
it's never good because I just feel like
more and more sorry for myself this is
deeply personal okay point is I finally
like whipped my ass into shape and
reached out to a bunch of people that I
kind of had met very briefly and had
been meaning to hang out with for like
eight months but I had just never
actually put the effort into it so yeah
this weekend I hung out with a ton of
new people and fingers crossed I shall
build those friendships you know it is a
lot of work to try to build friendships
from scratch as an adult and it feels a
little bit odd I feel like almost like
there's something wrong with me that I
don't have this like perfect friend
group coming out of college but I think
it happens to a lot of people so oh this
weekend I had my first girls night ever
can you believe it I'm 21 and I've never
had a girls night out I grew up with a
lot of guy friends and then I had like a
couple close girlfriends but whenever we
would like party or hang out it was
predominantly guys and I didn't realize
what I've been [ __ ] missing until
this weekend it was so cool to be able
to take a shot with these girls that I
had never met before and then like five
minutes later we're talking about like
our deepest darkest boy problems and
insecurities during sex I felt this like
innate camaraderie that I hadn't felt
with my guy friends before and it was
[ __ ] beautiful
it was really really nice I also feel
like I grew up with the misconception
that for some reason having guy friends
is cooler than having girlfriends which
is like super [ __ ] up obviously but
that was kind of the culture that I was
raised in I do really like my guy
friends but are you kidding me it is
cool as [ __ ] to have girlfriends Oh
another big life update is I literally
might move to New York it's something
that I wanted to do forever and I always
talked about being more of a New York
person than an LA person so my plan
right now is my lease is up at the end
of February until then I'm gonna try to
make as many friends as I can to LA have
as much fun as I can here and really
experience the city as a whole and if
I'm still not feeling it then in
February I'm moving to New York oh that
feels super weird to say out loud
also exciting I don't know I want to
live in so many different places and I
feel like this is the time to do it
especially because I have the incredible
luxury of having a job that both allows
me to afford a bunch of different cities
and do it in a bunch of so different
cities which like how rare is that
that is incredible anyways okay and
that's about me
let's see what's up with you guys and
see if I can hand out any marginally
helpful advice oh my god I don't know if
I should put this in this video
oh my ex from like two years ago this
isn't David so how do I put a penis in a
vagina help Tristan I have a feeling you
know how how to navigate V I like you
but I don't want commitment situation
dah dah dah
I hate men oh boy girl I feel you uh
this whole casual dating thing to me is
a a complicated new phenomenon
I personally don't get it but I also
don't think there's anything wrong with
not wanting a serious commitment I think
the problem comes with not respecting
that person's preference or thinking
that you can try to change them there's
a really pervasive narrative in rom-coms
that if you're the right girl who he
loves enough any boy will change his
mind and want to marry you and frankly
that is not true
I have very much blamed myself for guys
not wanting something serious with me
when in reality that is just a lifestyle
preference that somebody can want it is
not your fault if that guy doesn't want
a serious commitment with you and if
he's clear about it upfront it's also
not his fault for not falling in love
with you which was something that I took
a while to get through my head based on
the way you phrased this question it
seems like you want a committed
relationship and this guy does not I
think it's important to respect his
boundaries and not expect him to change
them for you and also respect your
preference for a committed relationship
and know that there are plenty of guys
out there who are ready for a committed
relationship and that's genuinely what
they want with you and I think it's just
a recipe for heartbreak and wasting your
own time if you continue getting more
emotionally invested with a guy who
doesn't want anything serious with you
I do think
kind of a sad fry product of hookup
culture sometimes that we as women if
you are interested in something serious
feel the need to lower ourselves to kind
of like the lowest common denominator of
what a guy wants in a relationship like
you might like a guy but he just wants
to hookup so then you're like okay I'll
just hook up with him that's that's fine
or like this guy who likes you but
doesn't want to serious commitment you
might want a serious commitment but then
you say okay it's okay I'm just gonna
casually date him for like a couple more
months obviously that's a stereotype
they're totally girls who prefer to keep
things casual as well but it took me a
lot to realize that it's okay to assert
my preferences if I want something
serious
I deserve a guy who wants something
serious and if I want something casual
I deserve a guy who wants something
casual too so even though it might be
hard I would say move on from this guy
there will be somebody else who wants
what you want how do you start a
conversation about what you like during
sex this is such a good question because
we're taught to feel a lot of shame
about sex and even like literally when
you've just [ __ ] somebody it can still
feel embarrassing to verbalize the
things that just happened or what you
would like to having I think the best
strategy is to bring it up when you're
kind of an intimate setting whether
you're cuddling or you might be like
pillow talking after sex maybe not
immediately after sex ten minutes into
the pillow talk chat the way that I
always bring it up is asking the other
person whether they have anything in
particular that they like in bed if they
have pinks or sexual preferences or like
things that they find hot that's a great
way to open up the conversation because
it doesn't start with a critique it
starts with just like getting to know
somebody else and giving them an
opportunity to talk about what they like
and then obviously you'll get your
opportunity to talk about the things
that you like and that you might be into
yeah those are always fun conversations
to have because I feel like a lot of the
stress of sex is trying to figure out
what things in particular you're doing
that the other person likes and being
scared that you're doing something or
being like a little bit too bold
and that you might kind of be
embarrassing yourself because they're
not turned on by it so having that
conversation is super freeing because
you can know the particular things that
your partner like and if they know what
you like which also has obvious benefits
our relationships really that amazing
sometimes I feel like I just want one
for the validation honestly girl I feel
like you are not a super alone I think
that our culture completely sets
relationship
as a default and especially for a woman
being in a relationship is like this
badge of honor and sometimes you just
want that [ __ ] badge and all so we
can feel nice do you have somebody who's
like designated to pay attention to you
essentially and like care about your
feelings that can be fun I think
unfortunately that results in a lot of
girls and guys staying in relationships
that are a little bit mediocre or that
they shouldn't stay in just because they
want the validation of saying hey I'm in
a relationship I I have a girlfriend or
I have a boyfriend and what really
matters is do you have a quality
boyfriend who you love who you are super
into who respects you those are the
qualifiers that matter not just do I
have one or do I not without sounding
like too much of a mush ball though I
really genuinely think that
relationships and just the feeling of
love in general is something amazing and
transformative and helps you learn about
yourself
and also experience the world in a
different way I'm sounding so cheesy
right now falling in love is something
beautiful I think that being a
relationship is also something that's
hard based on the way you phrased your
question though it seems like you might
just not have anybody in your life at
the moment who is a particularly spicy
love interest and that's totally okay I
wouldn't try to force a relationship
with anybody that you have kind of like
net feelings about just to have our
relationship eventually there's gonna be
somebody that you're crazy about and
then it'll be time to jump in this is
maybe too personal but is queefing a
thing that others experience LMAO yes
yes it does especially when you're
switching positions a lot or like I
notice it happens more with certain guys
than others so I think it's just like a
certain shape of penis maybe but yeah
it's completely normal it can feel
awkward because ya don't sound like a
fart but I think most guys who are at
least like moderately experienced will
know what it is and that's just like a
normal part of having sex if anything it
just means that you're really going at
it this so a good job I used to have a
joke that it was like my vagina saying
thank you so really they should take it
as a compliment also I feel like a lot
of us have a huge fear of sex being
awkward but I think one of the funnest
things about sex is that like it's both
plot but can also be really funny
because it
to people being very vulnerable with
each other and like I don't know if
you're clumsy or you like [ __ ] up a
position or like you miss their face and
you kiss their nose instead or you
really end up quitting like you can just
laugh it off and like it makes the
experience almost more fun I know that's
easier said than done but guys have like
some of the same insecurities about
performance during sex so if you're just
like both welcoming to each other and
can both like have a jolly good time
learning how to have good sex with each
other like I think it'll be for the
better do boys become more mature in
college I would say boys like regrets
for the first two years of college
because always like nerdy ass boys who
are finally surrounded by more beautiful
woman that I've ever seen in a more
casual hookup culture than they'd ever
experienced before without parental
supervision so it is a bit of a recipe
for [ __ ] around but by the end of
college I would say boys definitely do
get more mature more people are open to
dating seriously everything about their
careers they're not as stupid they're
still like a little bit stupid but only
occasionally dealing with exes who want
to be friends all the good and the bad
feelings this is relevant to my life
actually because I am I'm filming this
video series with each of my other three
exes the exes before David because when
I started filming this series I was
still with David so yeah I guess I
recently become friends with like all of
my exes and it has been interesting I
would say there is a certain period of
time after a breakup where you should
not be friends with your ex period
because it'll turn into some weird
emotional mush and you guys will end up
hooking up or developing feelings or
getting back together depending on the
relationship give it like a year two
years a solid amount of time where you
know that the feelings have settled down
and then I honestly do think it's really
nice to be friends with your exes it's
given me a lot of closure on my past
relationships to be able to talk about
things from kind of a distance
perspective and honestly have some more
honest conversations than we had when we
were actually together I also like that
exes are kind of like time capsules in
your life in that they knew you
intensely at a particular phase of your
life so talking to them is like being
able to reconnect with the past version
of yourself almost which is really cool
especially is somebody who has like a
very nebulous eye
entity and I change a lot and I don't
[ __ ] know what my personality is like
it's doing a little bit of personality
research no way to talk to my exes it is
important to ask yourself though whether
your ex wants to be friends because they
want to get back together because they
have feelings because they want to hook
up or genuinely whether they want to be
friends and also like what your
preferences are in that situation
because it can be a little bit of a
slippery slope when you're digging up
old feelings with your exes my man won't
go down on me but I always suck his dick
um that sucks
first of all okay I really hate the
double standard when it comes to oral
sex luckily I haven't run into any guys
like this in my personal life but if
you're like overall there is a bit of a
double standard where a [ __ ] is
considered a very standard part of sex
but for a lot of guys eating a girl out
is something very special and occasional
oral sex doesn't have to always be a
one-for-one transaction like you
shouldn't necessarily feel like you need
to keep count or that somebody owes you
something for something but I think
generally it's good to keep a somewhat
even ratio affair and know that you know
you're both putting in equals an ounce
of effort I would say first of all have
like an open conversation about it it
could just be like maybe he is
inexperienced or nervous eating a girl
out in which case you can't be like
let's have a little tutorial session and
I'll just move you around and tell you
what's good if for some reason he
doesn't want you out like you can't
force him to get you out but you can
find other ways that you are getting
you're part of the action as well
honestly I do enjoy a good finger bangin
like I feel like it's kind of underrated
and if you can teach him to like do it
properly and get some like vagina and
Clint action in there like that could
also be fun for play or like if you want
to introduce a vibrator or something
something that also gets you really
turned on I think that is important
because you should equally like be
turned on have a good time during sex so
and as for the [ __ ] ask yourself
like if you enjoy giving a [ __ ] then
continue doing that but if you feel like
it is some type of duty or an
expectation that is placed on you then
you don't have to do it all the time the
first like 9 months I was having sex
actually I hadn't ever given a [ __ ]
and I didn't really have any desire to
so I just you know didn't do that and
guys were like totally fine with that
they didn't like ask me for a [ __ ] or
anything I'd still had bangin sex so
it's not an
Cerie part of foreplay if it's not
something that you're interested in
doing as well thoughts on nudes I've
mixed opinions about nudes because I do
understand from like the female
perspective how they can be like kind of
hot to take and send because you're like
oh I'm like teasing my man I feel really
sexy right now
even like the process of taking the
photo can be really fun but especially
with the internet it does put you in a
very compromised position I was in a
long-distance relationship for a while
and I think I sent one digital photo of
me and my underwear and then I sent some
like physical photos of me in lingerie
because I didn't want to spend the
digital file oh god now I'm gonna get
hacked like James Charles I have to leak
my own dudes dammit no so I understand
the appeal especially in a long-distance
relationship but I personally don't
think that a full nude is worth the risk
even if you have a ton of trust in
somebody when you're in a relationship
with them who knows what happens with
the breakup or like 5 10 years down the
line they could still have that photo in
their camera roll and to me that's
really scary I would never send a nude
to somebody that I'm just hooking up
with because you haven't built a lot of
trust with them I think it is [ __ ] up
and completely a guy's hope forever
sharing something as private as nudes
with anybody else but I do know that it
happens and obviously that is not the
girls fault for taking the nude it is
the guys phul for sharing it but it is
important to be very careful another
note if you are under 18 do not [ __ ]
take nudes that is considered child
pornography it is not only super illegal
for anybody to distribute those nudes
but it's actually technically illegal
for you to take them because you are
technically producing child pornography
so yeah protists
please be legal before you take any
nudes and even then be careful oh my god
also if a guy on like tinder from a
dating app ever asked for nudes do not
send them if you're interested in
hooking up with a guy you can still get
him without sending nude pictures of
yourself you can come see your body in
person yeah I just don't want you guys
to like put yourself in at risk for
exposing things that you don't want to
be exposed thoughts on age gaps here in
Los Angeles age gaps are like super
[ __ ] out of control like it really is
a trickle-down effect from Hollywood
stars and
DiCaprio dating people who are less than
half his age like I've had friends out
here who are 22 and they're like oh I'm
into older guys I'm like okay so you
like to be like a 25 year old a 26 year
old and they're like no I like a 37 year
old I'm like oh okay people are into
whatever they're into I don't have the
right to judge any particular
relationship but I do overall have a
little bit of a problem with large age
gap it can ultimately result from this
older guy basically not being able to
hold his own with women his age or not
feel secure with a woman who like
actually challenges him and is his equal
so then he resorts to women who are much
younger and much less experienced and
look up to him and it ends up a unequal
power dynamic in the relationship
because one person just like seems to
have authority over the other I think it
is much harder to have a relationship
that really feels like an equal
partnership when you're at such
different stages in your life but I
think there is something to be said it's
more about the stage of your life that
you're in then your exact age for
example like I'm 21 but I graduated
college six months ago so I do tend to
date guys who are like 1 to 3 years
older than me because they're in the
same grade or starting their careers
around the same time that I am I
honestly feel like for me it would be
weird to date a guy who's 21 who is like
a junior in college because it seems
like I'm in a different life stage than
he is so I kind of see it as if you're
in high school date high schoolers if
you're in college eight college students
if you're graduated overall date other
people who are graduated it's also just
easier that way because you can relate
to like the rhythms of working life or
the rhythms of college or the drama of
high school and you're all in the same
boat I have a crush on my best friend's
ex what should I do I feel like this
depends on a lot of factors it depends
on how long your friend and this guy
were together it depends on how long has
passed since then and if they are
completely over each other I think it's
also important to think about why him
and your friend broke up if it was
something that's like a red flag like he
cheated or was lying or something then
it's probably not something you should
get in a relationship with before you do
anything I think you should really think
out your feelings is it just a crush
because he's a hottie or is it something
that you really
see turning into a serious relationship
if it is something that like you
seriously want to pursue one hunt talk
to your best friend first and make sure
that you have her blessing and like a
double check no matter what don't go
behind your friends backs I feel like
sometimes I've got guilty of this I get
like swept away in boys but I think at
the end of the day if she really is your
best friend friendships last much longer
than relationships so I think that's
something that you should prioritize
this one says a boy is giving me all the
attention but he has a girlfriend I do
kind of like him so I don't have a lot
of details on your situation but the
best rule of thumb is that if a guy has
a girlfriend he does not want to be in a
relationship with you because he's not
in a relationship with you he's in a
relationship with his girlfriend I kind
of speak from personal experience
because I had a huge crush on this guy
that I lived with before my freshman
year he had a girlfriend but he was like
away for the summer and so we would like
hang out late at night and we talked a
lot somehow in my head like I justified
that this guy liked me even though he
would talk about his girlfriend and how
much he loved her and I was I mean
really [ __ ] up with me to be honest I
also somehow had felt like me having a
crush justified trying to like screw up
a full-blown relationship and it
absolutely does not the emotional
intensity of a relationship and the
ramifications from that are completely
different than somebody who you kind of
like maybe like distance yourself from
him a little bit if you do think you
would develop feelings that are stronger
honestly I mean the way that you phrased
it that he has a girlfriend but he's
giving you all his attention he doesn't
sound like that great of a boyfriend so
he doesn't seem like a spicy candidate
for you I don't you know if you really
do like him one day he could be single
and then you'll will have your chance
but in the meantime don't do anything
sketchy I love my boyfriend but
sometimes I miss being single these are
feelings I've dealt with for sure
especially in a longer-term relationship
I don't know I've been single like a lot
of my life so I like even like more than
having sex with other people is the
excitement of meeting new people and the
like potential of a night there can be
fun potential in a night with a
boyfriend but it doesn't quite feel the
same right I would say if you really do
love your boyfriend and you want to stay
with him maybe like try to figure out a
way to spice things up in your
relationship and your sex life it makes
it feel kind of new like you might
experience with
otherwise when you're single so that
could be some type of role play that
could be exploring kinks together that
could be going on a really exciting new
date that maybe you would like normally
only pull out all the stops for somebody
new who you really like we're trying to
get to fall in love with you I feel like
sometimes later in the relationship you
can settle into more of a basic dating
pattern and you're like oh do you want
to get lunch at that same place that we
always get lunch instead of really
putting in effort to court that other
person editing this I realized I blanked
on the possibility that you might just
miss the independence of being single
and not just kind of this sexual dating
aspect cars on my street please calm
down thank you in that case it might be
worth talking to your boyfriend about
setting boundaries that help you feel
more independent like having plenty of
time for a night alone friends and
hobbies and having the freedom to travel
alone and go out without texting him
constantly etc Oh oh it is just test you
I am I am one sweaty [ __ ]
and I think I'm getting a little bit
loopy so I'm gonna wrap it up here I
don't think I've had this much fun
filming your video like in a hot second
so let me know in the comments below if
there are any other topics that you want
me to cover in more detail I'm probably
gonna make like a ton more these videos
or maybe more specific chats about like
hookup culture or specific aspects of
sex or insecurities oh there's so much
to cover being a woman is so [ __ ]
complicated that's the one benefit of
like the mindfuck of being female is
that there's lots of content to exploit
I'm gonna go to sleep I'll see you guys
in the next one bye
[Music]