WELCOME BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY FIRST GUEST THIS FRIDAY
IS AN OSCAR-NOMINATED AND EMMY-WINNING ACTOR WHO STARRED
IN "FARGO," "BOOGIE NIGHTS," AND NOW IN
SEASON SEVEN OF "SHAMELESS" ON SHOWTIME.
PLEASE WELCOME WILLIAM H MACY!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> Stephen: PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT?
>> I'M A BIG STEELY DAN FAN.
>> Stephen: DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT.
>> YOUK LEIA.
>> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE A RENAISSANCE GUY.
WHAT DO YOU PLAY?
>> YOUK LAY LAY WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE IT'S SMALL
AND ONLY HAS FOUR STRINGS YOU'RE GOING TO LAUGH ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: NO, THIS IS A CELEBRATION.
>> PEOPLE WHO PLAY UKULELES ARE SLIGHTLY MORE EVOLVED THAN
EVERYONE ELSE.
THAT WAS FUN.
>> Stephen: YOU JUST HELPED ME OUT WITH THE FAMILY MEETING.
DO YOU CALL A FAMILY MEETING IN YOUR FAMILY?
>> WE CO.
WE TRY TO HAVE DINNER EVERY NIGHT, AND THAT'S WHERE WE MAKE
THE KIDS MISERABLE.
IT'S BETTER IF YOU CAN FOCUS IT A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE RULES AT TABLE LIKE NO WHIST LING, NO
BOOKS, NO ELECTRONICS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
>> NO ELECTRONICS.
WE'RE A THEATRICAL FAMILY.
WE DO THINGS LIKE PRACTICE DOUBLE-TAKE S.
>> Stephen: REALLY, CAN I SEE YOUR DOUBLE-TAKE?
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
I GOTTA SAY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
>> THAT WAS A GOOD TAKE.
OH, THAT'S EXCELLENT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
A RARE TRIPLE.
THAT WAS A RARE TRIPLE-TAKE.
AS A DAD-- YOU'RE A FAMOUS DAD.
YOU STILL DO ALL THE DAD STUFF, TEACH YOUR KIDS TO DRIVE AND
THAT KIND OF STUFF?
>> THEY ARE LEARNING TO DRIVE RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
HOW OLD IS YOUR ELDEST?
>> SOFIA IS 16, SHE HAS HER LEARNER'S PERMIT.
AND GEORGE IS DRIVING ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD IS HE?
>> I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: LEGALLY?
WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU TEACHING SOFIA TO DRIVE?
>> I'M BETTER AT DOING IT THAN FELICITY.
>> Stephen: FELICITY IS YOUR WIFE, TOGETHER YOU ARE--PHILIAN
H.MUST HAVEMAN TOGETHER.
THE BEST CELEBRITY POWER COUPLE NAME OF ALL TIME.
>> IT'S GREAT, AND WE'RE GOING TO THE ATLANTIC THEATER COMPANY
TONIGHT TO SEE A PLAY.
AND THERE IS A URINAL WHERE OUR NAME ON IT.
AND IT'S THE FILLUOUS H. MUFFMAN URINAL.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE MADE IT!
>> I'VE MADE IT BIG.
>> Stephen: IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, YOU CAN MAKE IT ANYWHERE.
( APPLAUSE ) SO ARE YOU, LIKE, THE SLAM YOUR
HAND AGAINST THE DASHBOARD KIND OF DAD?
>> NO, HERE'S THE TRICK-- DON'T LOOK UP ON THE THE WINDSHIELD.
LOOK TO THE SIDE.
TWO THINGS.
ONE, YOU WON'T BE CONSTANTLY DOING THAT.
AND YOU'LL SEE THINGS THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND YOU WON'T KNOW
WHEN THE END COMES.
>> NO, NO.
IT'S GOT AIRBAGS.
WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD-- WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: I'VE TAUGHT TWO KIDS.
I WAS NOT VERY GOOD WITH MY DAUGHTER.
I WASN'T QUITE-- I DIDN'T-- I WAS VERY-- I WAS VERY BAD.
I WAS VERY NERVOUS, VERY HAND ON THE DASHBOARD.
WHEN MY SON, MY SECOND CHILD, STARTED DRIVING, I JUST KNOT IN
THE CAR.
I KNEW HE'D TAKEN THE CLASSES.
AND I WOULD DRIVE AROUND AND KIND OF PEACEFULLY GO, "THERE
ARE WORSE PLACES TO GO.
THERE ARE WORSE WAYS TO DIE THAN HERE IN THE CAR WITH YOUR SON
RIGHT NOW."
IT RELAXED ME.
>> WE WERE IN COLORADO, WHEN WE PUT GEORGIA BEHIND THE WHEEL.
SHE WAS VERY YOUNG, AND FELICITY WAS DRIVING AND SHE KEPT DRIVING
OFF THE ROAD AND SITTING IN FELICITY'S LAP.
FINALLY, I SAID, "CAN YOU SEE?" AND GEORGIA SAID, "YEAH.
SEE WHAT?" >> Stephen: HOW OLD OF A CHILD
WAS THIS?
>> ABOUT 10.
>> Stephen: SO NOW YOU DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE, SPEAKING OF
DANGEROUS THINGS ON THE ROAD.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: WHAT KIND OF BIKE DO YOU HAVE?
>> I HAVE A TRIUMPH, AND I HAVE A HARLEY, A HARLEY FOR BIG TRIPS
AND A LITTLE TRIUMPH FOR AROUND TOWN.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE ANY GOOD RIDES LATELY?
>> A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, I DID THE ANG LESS CREST.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL DRIVE.
I WENT ALL THE WAY OUT THERE-- AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, TOO.
THEY HAVE THIS SIGN THAT SAYS, "LAST GAS FOR 30 MILES," OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, 40 MILES.
AND I THOUGHT I HAVE ENOUGH GAS.
>> Stephen: IN THE DESERT.
>> OF COURSE, ALD I COULD THINK ABOUT IS I'M GOING TO RUN OUT OF
GAS.
SHOULD I TURN AROUND?
SHOULD I KEEP GOING?
I DECIDED I WAS GOING TO RUN OUT OF GAS IN THE COUNTRY AND I SAW
A WEIRD CAR IN FRONT OF ME AND IT WAS A PICTURE CAR AND I
REALIZED THEY WERE SHOOTING A COMMERCIAL.
AND I FOLLOWED THE PICTURE CAR, AND WE CAME UPON A BASE CAMP,
AND THEY WERE SHOOTING SOME CAR COMMERCIAL, AND THERE WAS A GUY
WALKING TOWARDS ME WITH A GAS CAN BEFORE I COULD GET OFF THE
BIKE, I FELT LIKE -- >> YOU SAID, "I'M WILLIAM H.
MACY."
>> I DIDN'T HAVE TO.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> I DIDN'T GET RECOGNIZED A LOT.
FELICITY, NOT SO MUCH.
EVEN IN MY HELMET.
YOU CAN SEE HOACH OF ME AND PEOPLE GO, "MACY!"
>> Stephen: IT'S THE EYEBROWS.
>> THERE WAS A HOMELESS WOMAN ONE TIME, I SAW HER, AND SHE WAS
SAYING SOMETHING TERRIBLE ABOUT HER LIFE, AND SHE LOOKED UP, AND
EVEN IN MY HELMET SHE SAID, "LOVE "SHAMELESS."
IT'S ON DVR.
I'M A LITTLE BEHIND.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN EXCELLENT SEGUE.
WHAT'S YOUR CHARACTER'S NAME IN "SHAMELESS?"
>> FRANK GALLAGHER.
>> Stephen: YOU SAY YOU LIKE IT THAT HE'S COMPOSITE A LOT OF
SCARS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE SCARS?
WHY DO YOU LIKE HIS SCARS?
>> I MEAN, THEY'RE KIND OF SEXY.
ONE WOMAN SHOT HIM IN THIS SHOULDER.
AND ONE WOMAN SHOT HIM IN THIS SHOULDER-- THAT'S A LONG STORY.
AND HE HAD A NEW LIVER, AND SOMEONE STOLE HIS PANCREAS--
THAT'S AN EVEN LONGER STORY.
AND HE DID AN INSURANCE SCAM AND BROKE HIS LEG IN SIX PLACES WITH
THE HELP OF HIS YOUNG SON.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE REAL SCARS YOURSELF?
>> I GOT ONE LITTLE TINY SCAR RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S WHERE A RACCOON BIT ME.
>> Stephen: A RACCOON BIT YOU?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO THE RACCOON?
HOW DID IT-- HOW DID IT GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO BITE YOU ON THE
HAND?
>> MY DAD CAME HOME FROM WORK ONE DAY AND I THOUGHT HE WAS
WEARING A WEIRD HAT.
THIS IS WHEN WE LIVED IN GEORGIA.
IT TURNS OUT SOMEBODY OWED HIM MONEY AND HE TRADED IT FOR A '36
BUICK AND RACCOON AND HE BROUGHT MIKE HOME.
AND IT WAS A COOL PET, EXCEPT WHEN THERE WAS FOOD AROUND.
>> Stephen: YOUR DAD GOT GIVEN A CAR AND RACCOON AS PAYMENT?
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: FOR WHAT?
WHAT DID YOUR FATHER COTO-- >> HE WAS DOING CONSTRUCTION.
HE WAS BUILDING SHE'S SPEC HOUSES AND SOMEBODY OWED HIM
MONEY AND HE THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE THAT RACCOON.
AND I DID.
IT WAS A GREAT PET.
SLEPT UNDER THE BED.
ONE TIME WE WERE HAVING A PARTY, AND A LITTLE BIRD FELL OUT OF A
NEST, AND -- >> AS A CHILD.
>> AND MIKE SAW IT AT THE SAME TIME THAT OUR FRIEND JOHNNY
McFARLAND SAW IT AND THAT WAS BAD.
JOHNNY HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.
THE RACCOON JUST TORE HIM UP.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I WAS WALKING MIKE ONCE A
LEASH AND HE GOT IN THE GARBAGE, AND MY PARENTS SAID, "PULL HIM
OUT OF THE GARBAGE," AND I CHOCKED UP ON THE CHAIN TOO MUCH
AND I DIDN'T SEE HIM BITE ME.
THAT WAS THE END OF MIKE, BY THE WAY.
>> Stephen: THERE SHOULD BE A SERIES ON YOUR CHILDHOOD.
>> OKAY.
LAUGH ( LAUGHTER ).
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: YOU COULD STILL PLAY YOU.
>> YOU'RE A PIG WIG -- >> YOU'RE A VERY BIG WIG.
YOU'RE WILLIAM H. MACY.
PEOPLE GIVE YOU GAS IN THE DESERT.
>> I COULD PLAY ME AND MY FATHER AND MY MOTHER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP OF FRANK ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER SCAR,
I THINK.
>> GET OUT!
>> CALM DOWN!
I HAVE A FEW REPAIRS TO DO ON THE HOUSE!
NOW THAT FIONA HAS DROPPED THE BALL, SOMEONE'S GOT TO PICK IT
UP, AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME.
WAIT!
MY CLOTHES ARE IN THE WASH!
>> ON THE COUNT OF THREE, DRESSED OR NOT, FRANK, ONE--
>> LET'S TAKE A VOTE.
EVERYONE IN FAVOR OF HAVING AN ACTUAL PARENT IN THE HOUSE.
>> TWO!
(BLEEP).
>> YOU NEVER SAY THREE!
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> I LOVE THAT SHOW.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> NICE TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: "SHAMELESS" AIRS SUNDAYS ON SHOWTIME.
WILLIAM H MACY, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COLIN QUINN.