♪♪
-Welcome to "Summer Corrections," you guys.
You can't bedazzle handcuffs.
A BeDazzler punches through fabric, not metal.
So if you were... off to prison
and that was the one thing you were looking forward to...
yet another parade a jackal has rained on.
[ Laughter ]
We showed a picture of Abraham Lincoln in a fedora.
We said it was a fedora. We were told it was a trilby...
also that Lincoln could not have worn a fedora
because the style did not come into fashion until 1883,
when French actress Sarah Bernhardt
wore one in a play called "Fédora."
This is all helpful for you to know
if you're ever looking for a fun conversation ender.
[ Laughter ]
"You guys talking about hats?"
[ Laughter ]
"Ugh, Gary."
I said that Koozie was a portmanteau of beer and cozy.
I misspoke, of course.
It is a portmanteau of cool and cozy.
Beer plays no part in it.
Of course, a part of a portmanteau
is known as "apartmanteau."
My favorite portmanteau involving the word beer
is the word for when you have a beer with your fiancée,
which is, of course, Kelly Rowland.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, guys. "Avatar" takes place on a moon, not a planet.
I said it was a planet. It's a moon.
And if you remember from the film, to get to that moon,
you have to enter a cryosleep
because the trip is so long.
And if you want to know how long,
in order to get there,
it takes almost as long as it takes
to make "Avatar 2."
[ Laughter ]
What is the hold up with "Avatar"?
I mean, what little Na'vi I know I'm going to forget.
[ Laughter ]
The moon's name is Pandora.
And it's very hard place.
It's an almost unlivable place for humans...
because it's Pandora with ads.
[ Laughter ]
My in-laws have Pandora with ads.
[ Laughter ]
One of the many draws.
[ Exhales sharply ]
We mentioned that Sidney Powell chugging -- excuse me --
a Diet Dr Pepper during her January 6th testimony was bad...
bad brand recognition for Diet Dr Pepper.
Our joke was it was almost as bad as that time
Mussolini was pictured drinking a Fanta.
And, well, we heard a lot from you guys
about the history of Fanta.
And if you're a big fan,
don't run to the Wikipedia page.
Let's just say Fanta's history has a German element.
[ Laughter ]
Which is never -- Which is never --
If you're a fan of the genealogy shows,
it's never good when a German element pops up.
When Skip Gates said,
"Now, your grandparents were from Buenos Aires,
but did you know they moved there from Berlin?"
[ Laughter ]
Fanta originated in 1940 in Germany
due to the American trade embargo against Nazi Germany.
They had to find a replacement.
You know, because no matter what you think about World War Two
and the different sides and I don't want to relitigate it...
[ Laughter ]
...everybody loves soda pop.
[ Chuckles ]
Um...
This made me laugh a lot
because this is all on the Wikipedia page.
You know, so now we've established the Fanta history.
In February 2015, a 75th anniversary version of Fanta
was released in Germany packaged in glass bottles.
An associated television ad referenced
the history of the drink and said the Coca-Cola Company
wanted to bring back "the feeling of the good old times,"
which was interpreted by many to mean Nazi rule.
The ad was subsequently replaced.
[ Laughter ]
"Klaus!
Klaus, get in here!"
[ German accent ] "Based on your tone,
you've see the new ad."
[ Normal voice ] "Klaus!"
But people still like Fanta.
We got to -- Look, some stuff
came out of Nazi Germany that had upside, right?
VW cars. Fanta.
US space program.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, I also was told I'm pronouncing Fanta wrong.
It's "Fahnta."
So to whoever was offended by my pronunciation,
apologies, mein fuhrer.
[ Laughter ]
This is a tran-- So again, we just had a two-week hiatus.
I spent it with my kids. Lovely time with my kids.
And you'll see why this is a transition,
because if I'm doing any corrections
over the last two weeks, it's to children, right,
things they get incorrect.
And your job as a parent, to correct them.
So this is a -- this is a true story
and a true thing that my son said.
We were talking about the fact
that -- this was to our six-year-old Ashe --
how lucky he is that he knows all four of his grandparents
and how his grandmother never met any of her grandparents.
My wife's mother, her family, her parents were
Holocaust survivors. This is a true story.
So we were telling this to my son, and he's curious.
You know, he's a six-year-old, so he's curious and he's said,
"How did her grandparents die?"
And my wife said, "Well, they actually all died
at the same time during a war."
And he said, "Were they soldiers?"
And my wife, very deftly, I think, said,
"Not all people who die in a war are soldiers."
And then my six-year-old said, "Um, were they drummers?"
[ Laughter ]
I guess the question is is it okay
when kids are too young to talk about the Holocaust yet,
do you go, "Yeah, they were drummers"?
Rabies.
There were some different takes on rabies.
We talked about rabies.
Someone wrote, "When I was eight years old" --
We talked about whether or not you can test for rabies.
And someone wrote,
"When I was eight years old, I had to get shots for rabies
due to being bitten multiple times by mice
my sister and I had found in a sack of grain.
14 shots, one every day for two weeks, in the stomach."
That is awful and I'm sorry you had to go through that
as an eight-year-old.
How do you get bitten multiple times by the mice?
At some point, you just got to get your hand
out of the sack, right?
I mean, I get it.
I mean, if I, as an eight-year-old,
came across a sack of grain, I'd be pretty excited, too.
[ Laughter ]
But at some point, you got to just
let the mice have their grain.
But then somebody else said -- hold on real quick --
there is -- True, there is...
Wait. Hold on.
Oh, I said you had to cut off the head to test for rabies.
And someone said, "Cutting off the head
and sending it out to get tested
is an outdated method of rabies detection."
Nowadays, tests are performed on samples of saliva serum,
spinal fluid, and skin biopsies of hair follicles
at the nape of the neck."
So it's outdated to cut off the head.
So if you ever are getting tested for rabies
and your doctor describes himself as old-fashioned,
run!
[ Laughter ]
We had two jokes in "Surprise Inspection"
that I did not name the writer of.
They were both Scollins'.
[ Laughter ]
One was a lawyer who exposed himself,
referred to his genitals as Exhibit D,
and the other was about Mac Tonight --
the the moon-headed McDonald's mascot...
doing cocaine.
If you're ever on the -- if I ever don't mention it,
it might be Scollins.
Mac Tonight, very much a...like Fanta,
developed by Pol Pot...
[ Laughter ]
Early -- An early mascot for the Khmer Rouge.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, somebody wrote, "Hey, Seth has Wally" --
cue-card Wally -- "has Wally considered becoming an actor?
His face is very expressive."
Mm-hmm.
[ Laughter ]
"Corrections" is -- Again, this isn't a place
to brag or toot our own horn,
but it is Emmy-nominated for its second time
and against some very fine competition once again --
defending champ "Carpool Karaoke,"
"Randy Rainbow"...
...Stephen Colbert's "Tuning Out the News,"
and "I Think You Should Leave" with our friend Tim Robinson.
So wonderful -- I don't know who I'm gonna vote for...
but I'm going to use this time
in between rounds to watch them all.
And I will, at some point, politic,
but not necessarily for this
if I don't feel like it's the best one.
Because who am I if I just throw away my vote?
We mentioned Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
and his poem "Paul Revere's Ride"
and how that poem is historically inaccurate.
And somebody wrote this -- I could not verify
this fact about Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,
but somebody wrote that he wrote the midnight ride of Paul Revere
for the most noble of reasons -- a girl.
He was wooing, a girl whose aunt
was a Paul Revere descendant and super into
that part of her identity.
And the story goes Longfellow wrote the poem
to get in her good graces
so he could get with the niece.
And if that's true, Henry,
I hope you got your Wadsworth.
[ Laughter ]
We have fun.
Oh.
The mugs.
I got an update today on the mugs.
I got some very exciting news about the mugs...
and I was told I could make a very exciting announcement
about the mugs.
And then right before I came out,
someone ran up to me and said,
"Don't say anything about the mugs!"
But I think it's pretty close, you guys.
And here's the thing.
I need to remind you again --
we got to move the mugs.
We got to move the mugs
'cause I made some promises to the merch people about the mugs.
And I'm realizing after having talked to some of my friends
who went to business school that I made a mistake,
'cause they said, "How many mugs do you think we'll need?"
and I said, "I don't know.
About 300,000 people watch an episode
of 'Corrections' each week."
And they said, "How many do you think will buy mugs?"
And I said, "Half?"
That might be high, guys.
[ Laughter ]
So, like, maybe just get one for you and get one for a friend?
Anyway, tune in next week for a hopefully exciting mug news,
and we'll see you for yet another "Summer Corrections."