Alcohol is older than the Great Pyramid at Giza, Machu Picchu, the Roman
Colosseum, Taj Mahal and the Great Wall of China combined. And while
it's not considered one of the wonders of the world, maybe it should be.
Alcohol, or more accurately, ethanol; is a simple enough chain of carbon and hydrogen
with an oxygen thrown in for good measure, but it is most definitely humanity's favorite
neurotoxin. Anywhere we've been, we make alcohol, or bring it with us. It's a social lubricant,
liquid courage, and a constant companion. It just gets along with us so well!
When ethanol enters the body some leeches in through mucous membranes, but the lion's
share of it travels through the stomach to the small intestine, to be absorbed into the
bloodstream. Ethanol is water-soluble, so once in the bloodstream there's no stopping
it. Like a drunk Westchester teen it parties at every stop on the train to drunktown; skin
and organ tissues, heart muscles, brain cells… Alcohol pals it up with them all. In the brain,
it binds with a molecule called glutamate; a neurotransmitter that normally keeps neurons
excited so they can fire on all cylinders. Once bound, your brain slows as your neurons
become less excited. It also activates GABA receptors -- the famous GABA molecule is another
neurotransmitter and needless to say, since the receptors are active, the brain doesn't
make more GABA, without GABA, you feel calmer and sleepy. This continues until the liver
is able to metabolise it and get it out of the blood.
No matter how you get the alcohol in your body, this long process is how you get drunk.
Though being human we obviously found new and horrifying ways to jump the line. Inserting
drugs into the rectum has been done for millennia, and was a popular way to take tobacco for
a while, but still, don't try it. Alcohol enemas, what the hyped-up media called butt
chugging, bypasses the body's natural poison detection and metabolization systems -- getting
people WAY too drunk WAY too fast. It's super dangerous. Alcohol inserted into the body
via an alcohol enema isn't processed by the digestive system and can cause alcohol poisoning,
and even death. Not to mention if you DO live, you can have anal pain, tenesmus -- or the
feeling to GO a lot, and colonic bleeding. Vodka-soaked tampons are along this same vein
(no pun intended) with the mucosal membranes becoming irritated and burning from alcohol
contact.
But that doesn't stop people from trying things, OHHHHH no. Palcohol is a powder-like alcohol
legalized in the U.S. in March of 2015, and then banned in some places shortly thereafter.
We talked about it on DNews, remember? No? Come subscribe so you don't miss it for next
time. Palcohol is made to be dissolved in water, but it could ALSO be snorted -- which
is the worry for some legislators though there doesn't seem to be much evidence that anyone
other than one VICE reporter actually did it. The reason snorting it would make sense,
from a drunks perspective, is because you wouldn't have to wait the few minutes for
the alcohol to hit the stomach, and then small intestine. The blood vessels in the nose are
close to the skin, and if the ethanol is absorbable -- BOOM. Direct line to the blood. Palcohol
HIGHLY discourages this practice, and the description by the VICE reporter should too.
Ouch. But ,if you're trying to get to the blood, why not go right to the source? Cause
some people do.
A 1999 Oxford Journal study looked into people who injected alcohol directly into their bloodstream,
and although they didn't die, there was burning pain. Three case studies looked at people
who admitted to injecting vodka, sherry, whiskey, and one guy even tried beer. But they weren't
the first. Victorians were famous for gettin' crunk. A man named H.C. Dalton injected whiskey
-- not ethanol mind you, whiskey -- under the skin of patients suffering from morphine
poisoning. This guy was mixing a deadly cocktail for sure. Of course, he wasn't trying to get
the man drunk; it wasn't his first rodeo; he'd used whiskey injections in the past to
keep patients alive and kicking. Funny story, this was all described by the 1911 Montreal
Medical Journal, and alcohol was listed as a stimulant (but it's not. It's a depressant).
Gives a whole new meaning to "doing a shot," doesn't it?
And now, the ultimate, breathable booze, has been invented. You don't need to inject, snort,
butt-chugg or even drink it. Instead, just breathe air at this bar in London called Alcoholic
Architecture. When vaporized alcohol is present in the air, and it intoxicates your lungs,
your skin and is even absorbed through the EYEBALLS -- bypassing the liver going direct
to blood and HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THIS VIDEO!? What the hell, man?
According to a doctor consulted by the Associated Press, “This has the potential to cause
serious side effects as well as brain damage in the developing young brain.” They even
make people wear ponchos so they don't absorb too much too quickly.
Overall, a study of over 2300 adults found innovative alcohol use EXTREMELY RARE. Only
1.1 percent of people surveyed ever done any of these things. So when you see it in the
media, raise your glass, and toast their hype. Maybe we should all just stick to drinking
alcohol with our mouths, the way it was intended.