Hey, everybody, welcome back. So I'm here to tell you don't wait
until 2021. To make changes, I'm going to teach you how to be
happy today, even during this pandemic. And I'm going to share
you share with you five tips that you can use right now today
to start making actionable changes that can impact the rest
of your life and, and beyond. And you don't have to wait for
2021. So for all the best advice and guidance and clarity and
support that you need, you're absolutely in the right place.
My name is Tess Brigham. I'm a licensed psychotherapist and
board certified coach. And for the last 10 years, I've been
primarily working with young adults, just like yourself, and
this channel is dedicated to you. So if this is you, please
subscribe today. And so that you get a notice every single week
when I post videos every Thursday. Alright, so let's get
started.
Everybody's sort of saying to themselves, okay, that's it, I'm
canceling 2020. And I'm going to start over in 2021. But the
thing is, is that here in the US, this video is coming out on
Thanksgiving. And so this is usually the time where people
are like, whatever, I'll just wait till the New Year starter,
a resolution and but I'm just going to throw caution to the
wind between now and the end of the year. If you have goals that
you want to achieve, don't wait one more day, start them right
now. Because a couple different things. Number one, if you start
a goal, right now you actually have a better chance of sticking
to it. Then saying to yourself, okay, I'm gonna, you know, I'm
going to do that thing, two months from now, what's gonna
change two months from now? Nothing, right? Because you're
not changing anything about your life, you're not changing any of
these goals, you're not going to be in a better headspace or a
different person, you know, come January 1, January 2 of 2021,
your life is happening now. And that's really important to
understand. Life is happening now. It's not waiting for 2021.
So the best thing that you can do for yourself is start
focusing on changing your life today and not waiting, waiting
one more minute. All right. So I'm going to, I'm going to
suggest five things to you to start creating some goals. Okay,
number one, sit down and make a list, look at your whole life,
make a list and really figure out what are the areas that I
want to change? Okay, pick one. Okay, in that one area, right?
What is the one thing that I can do? That Will you know, that
either will make the biggest impact on my life? Or if that
particular item feels really big? What's the one thing I can
do? That's actually the easiest we'll call like the low hanging
fruit, right? What's the thing that I know I could probably do
on a very regular basis. Okay, so that's your one thing. Now, I
want you to take number two, I want you to take a minute and
ask yourself, why? Why do I want this thing? Because? Is it that
you want it? Or is it that someone else wants it? Do you
want it because you think that if I do this one thing, I'll be
happy, like, what's the underlying root of why you want
to make this change, because your y is very important. If the
Y isn't attached to something that's really important to you,
it'll be impossible for you to do habits are hard enough to
change. But it has to be something that feels like this
is really important to me. And I can I can really truly see the
benefits. All right. Number three, the third thing I want
you to do is have this item that you picked, I want you to pick
something very small and manageable, that you can do on a
daily basis. There is a wonderful behavioral scientist
researcher by the name of BJ Fogg, fo GG he just released a
new book called tiny habits, so highly recommend checking it
out. And so BJ has been setting people for decades. And what
he's found is is that people are able to stick to habits when we
make them tiny and manageable. And when we anchor them to
another habit that we already have. So for example, a good one
is if you want to start regularly flossing your teeth,
the best thing for you to do is anchor it with brushing your
teeth, which is something you do on a regular basis. So saying
every single time after I brush my teeth, I'm going to start
flossing, which is what a lot of people do. But what happens is
they go time to fly. So forget I'll do it tomorrow, right? So
what what BJ Fogg is suggesting is do one tooth, do one tooth
and that's until That's a regular habit, and then start to
build from there. Another one that he talks about a lot is if
you want to start exercising, don't sign up for some big huge
exercise program, the best thing that you can do for yourself is
say, I'm going to do two push ups, after every time I go to
the bathroom, right? We go to the bathroom many times a day.
And so if you really think about it, you're like, Oh my god, by
the end of the day, I'm doing like 20 push ups, right, or 20
squats, or whatever it is, pick small, manageable things that
you want to do. So if you want to start, um, you know, a lot of
people do diet and exercise as one. So if you want to change
your eating habits or your patterns, pick one thing, like
maybe even putting a different kind of cream in your coffee,
or, you know, eliminating, eliminating, you know, one bit
of a sweet treat that you have like cutting it by, you know, a
fraction, just taking off a little bit and putting it aside,
don't deprive yourself, pick small things that you think you
can do on a daily basis, and then build from there. Because
Don't forget, habits take 66 days, this is what research has
shown. Habits take 66 days for them to stick. That's, that's
sort of across the board. So for some people, they'll get it
within a couple weeks, other people, it might take them
months and months and months, right. But habits don't just
happen. And I see this over and over again. People are like,
okay, I want to start meditating. And they'll go,
Okay, well, I'm gonna meditate 20 minutes a day, every single
day for the rest of my life. And they can't achieve that. It's
very different. If they say, I'm going to meditate for three
minutes a day, you know, right after our this habit I do right
after I brush my teeth right after I have my you know, after
I you know, have the first glass of water in the day, I'm gonna
meditate for three minutes, those things are far more
manageable. All right. Number four is schedule it in. This is
why the anchor habit is so important, because it's
something you're already doing. But if you don't have something,
if you want to change something, and you don't have like an
anchor habit, you can actually you can attach it to or if it
doesn't quite work, schedule it in. Success is scheduled. I say
this all the time. But I know for myself, when I write down
and say at 10 o'clock, you're going to do this, this and this
and do it. But when I say to myself, Oh yeah, sometimes
they'll do all these things, and never do it. It's too hard. It's
too difficult. Success is scheduled. So schedule it in and
keep that schedule for yourself. And if it's teeny, tiny, a teeny
tiny little habit that you're trying to do, won't feel so
overwhelming, you won't need to block off hours, you're blocking
off just a few minutes a day to change this habit. And number
five, which is really important, celebrate, celebrate the wins.
Because again, I mentioned earlier with meditation, a lot
of times people meditation is incredibly helpful. You know,
there's so much research out there all of the big, you know,
Jeff Bezos and and Oprah Winfrey and Steve Jobs, you know, and
Bill Gates, like they all meditate and practice
mindfulness, right. And so we read and we think, Oh, I want to
be like them. So I'm going to start this meditation practice.
And what happens is that people, right, they pick something too
big, it's too hard. And inevitably, they stopped doing
it. And one of the big reasons why they stopped doing it is
that they do it one or two days. And they're like, Oh, my life
hasn't changed yet. So I guess this meditation and mindfulness
doesn't work for me. You know, celebrate the wins, create ways
for you to push yourself to keep going. Because at some point,
the novelty of a new habit will wear off and you meet, you're
not going to see results pounds are not going to drop off your
body, trust me, I wish they would, pounds are not going to
drop off your body by switching the creamer in your coffee. So
celebrate the wins, say to yourself, okay, at the seventh
day, I'm gonna do this for myself as a celebration of that,
or even just patting yourself on the back or feeling you know,
just taking a few moments to feel really good about the
changes that you're making. If you're able to do this and do
this consistently, you will start to see changes changes
that go lower, right? Because our lives are made up of what we
do on a daily basis. If we take actionable steps towards our
goals, eventually we will get there. If we go in circles
thinking about Okay, I'm going to wait for this time and that
time and all of this kind of stuff to change our lives. It
will never change. So don't wait till 2021 I want you to start
changing today. So drop me a note. Tell me what are you going
to do? What is your habit? What's your tiny habits You're
going to change what is the thing that you're going to do?
And when are you going to schedule it? And we can all be
part of it together and we can celebrate with you. All right.
So if you have hit a crossroads in your life and you're feeling
like hey, you know, this is opened up a lot of thoughts for
me, I feel like I have so much I need to be doing and working on
for myself, then I have something for you. I created a
free completely free. It's a quarterlife crisis Handbook,
checklist and the handbook that gives you lots of different
questions, the same questions I asked my clients, and that is
free, just click the link below. I would love to share it with
you. I would love to be able to help you reach your goals. Now
in 2020. All right. So if you like this video, and you feel
like Wow, this is awesome. Please like the video. And
please spread the word, share it with friends and family, share
it with people who you think would really really like this
and really appreciate this information. And I am so happy
you're here and part of this community. And if you were here
in the US, I hope you had a wonderful, wonderful
Thanksgiving holiday and I will see you next time. Bye