Good afternoon, Rap News is back on-line.
Today we take on and analyse one of the most intractable, divisive
ongoing violent divides to happen in our time:
The sixty-year conflict going on betwixt Israel and Palestine.
Is there a One State, Two State, or No straight solution to this protracted fight?
From Camp David to Madrid, Taba to Oslo, for decades back in time
all peace-talks have devolved into violent rows
and roadmaps to peace have led nowhere but more war. Until now.
Welcome to the first Middle East Peace Raps, this afternoon
Rap News is proud of this tremendous chance to prove
That the peace-filled art of rap could chart the best road-map to start anew.
So, first up, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
- Shalom! Bibi been ready this whole time
to engage the peace process with war crimes... I mean raw rhymes.
- Alright, well, we'd like to bring the whole story to light
please begin by telling us Israel's side. How did this war arise?
- The fact is, my people have suffered awful tragedies
centuries of persecution, diaspora; we were slaughtered, massacred
in the Shoah, Hitler tried to have us wiped off the map
and thus we sought a safe harbour; a place to gather us.
Some told us "go to Argentina"; others, "go to Uganda".
But we said, "go fuck yourselves", and like Exodus we came back
to our biblical homeland: Eretz Ysrael, which the Lord handed us.
And then in 1948 we declared the birth of the Jewish State.
- Your people have indeed suffered massively, unimaginably
and should have sanctuary, not just in the Middle East, but wherever they happen to be.
However, isn't the Holy Land holy also to Christians and Muslims?
How can you claim that only Jews own the land, and exclude them?
- With the Six Day War, we fulfilled our Zionist covenant,
invaded Jerusalem, the West Bank, Golan and Gaza, taking all of it.
- The "occupied territories..." - Then on the seventh day we rested.
And when all the world's nations witnessed this great event, they... - Condemned it?
- What? - It seems the U.N. issued Resolution 242... - Oy vey!
- Calling on Israel to give back those territories and withdraw troops... - Hey, hey!
Are you denying the legitimacy of the Jewish State? - Er... I'm just trying to...
- Anti-Semite! - Wait... what?
- Everybody! This guy's a Nazi! - Ok, ok... just let's relax...
- Jew-hater! - We've yet to ask the rival party.
We now cross direct to Gaza to check the raps
of a Palestinian spokesperson, representing Hamas.
- Salam! As you can see, we are ready to talk peace
But only within the 1967 borders... Will we recognise Israel, and sign deals
- Oh yeah? Recognise THIS!
KAPOW! Hamas? Now He looks more like hummus!
What a mess! - Mr. Netanyahu, you killed him. - I guess!
But it was in self-defence. - No it wasn't...
- Yes it was. Yes!
Check out the news coverage from the U.S.
- I'm Brian Washington; you're on MSMBS.
Tonight's Headlies: Peace Process shattered yet again
by unprovoked attacks from A-rab terrorists.
Israel retaliates with airstrikes - in self-defense.
Meanwhile, in the West Bank, Palestinian suicide homes
are ramming themselves into peaceful Israeli bulldozers.
Israel's under threat; which is why, as shown on this map,
its settlements have umm... steadily expanded.
How can we end this injustice?
To explain we welcome John Kerry: Settler-tary of State.
- Great to be back, Bucky, and don't you stress a bit
American taxpayers have got Israel covered til armageddon hits.
No country gets more US foreign aid sent to it
a hundred and forty billion dollars since the seventies
plus military weaponry. No conditions or strings with it
- No conditions at all?
- Well, we would prefer it better if they could kindly stop using
using our money to build new illegal settlements...
- What did you say, you schmuck? - Bibi! ...oh, haha, no, I was just telling them...
- Just keep sending the money, shmekeleh?
- Yessir! We'll write the cheque.
Wait, we're getting a call from some Jewish guy in Brooklyn
he's on the line with us - An American Jew? He's bound to be pro-Zionist!
Let him speak. - Hello, MSMBS?
- Umm... Yes? you're on the screen - This is Norman Finkelstein.
ringing in to state the truth in this case:
Israel is a Lunatic State.
It's no excuse, to steal Palestinian land because Jews suffered genocide at Hitler's hand.
- Hah! A self-hating Jew! Everybody, this guy's an Ashke-NAZI!
- Shut up, Bibi. And I also condemn American policy
of funding the theft of Palestinian territories...
- Ok, Funkelstein, we get the gist of all of this!
Now, where were we; financing war crimes?
- That's a straight fact - Well done, America.
- Thank AIPAC, they got us by taint sac
so we have to wave that star of David flag
- But it's worth paying cash to have Israel's back
- That's true: They're the only nation in the Muslim backwoods
that shares our American values. - Give us some examples...
- We both love trampling international law... - Constantly.
We're both nuclear states... and "Democracies".
- With terrorist foreign policies - And, obviously
- Both America and Israel... - Were built by occupying territories of native peoples.
- We're both settler colonies... - Awesome! ...publicity time! keep your eyes on the screen
- Hey, I'm Scarlett Johansson
and my real job is promoting illegal occupations.
It's easy: you start by taking other peoples' land and water;
send in Zionist settlers;
push the natives out of their homes causing bloodshed;
And look: Settler's Dream. Better for Israel, and all of us.
- Mmm... ScarJo...looks delicious And what's more,
it reminds me of our very own sponsor
Redskin Geno-cider: "flavour of the American nation..."
- Bloody good - Tasteful...
- So Israel is a settler-colony, like Canada, America and...
- Australia! - Our colonial assessor, is in the area!
does Israel pass the test, Ken Oathcarn?
- Ken Oathcarn, yeah
I'm in Jerusalem - And what's going on over there?
- I'm celebrating the day of Israel's birth Yom Ha'atzmaut,
which roughly translates to 'Australia Day'!
and Wow! It's like back home: Barbies! flags! beer!
So in solidarity I got the end of me knob chopped off, it's patriotic apparently.
- What do Palestinians make of this day?
- I dunno, ey... - Hmm... perhaps you should ask them.
- Ok. I'll ask the natives. wait...
Oi, hello? Can you hear me? - Salam!
- Hey! How do you celebrate this wonderful day?
- We natives participate with smiling face in this party, mate,
just like your Aboriginal people on 'Invasion Day'.
- I was cast out from the lands of my mom and my father
now I dance as an outcast to the Bombs over Gaza
- [ARABIC] And we sing, 'Israel, your independence is our Catastrophe'
And we sing: 'Israel: Your independence is our Nakba'.
- Sounds great! I love a party with a snack-bar.
- Not a snack-bar, Crocodile Dundee... Nakba...
- It means 'catastrophe' - Antisemantic!
- It's far from truth We are far from home, as zionism is far from Jews
how can I explain to you... We lost our rights that day... and our barbecues!
- No barbies? That's a tragedy. How can we help you'se?
- [ARABIC] - You should BDS, it means boycott, that's the solution
[ARABIC] So those who travel to enjoy Tel Aviv ‪are viewed the same
[ARABIC] as those who travelled to enjoy South Africa.
[ARABIC] Your country is driven by crazy settler's mentality.
[ARABIC] And we are demanding a country that has sanity and logic in it‬
[ARABIC] Not a country just for the Jews,
[ARABIC] - but a country for Jews, - Christians AND Muslims.
[ARABIC] - For Yossi, for Aboud for Jeries - and for Mel Gibson.
[ARABIC] - What the fuck? What has Mel Gibson got to do with it?
[ARABIC] - FREEEEEEEDOM! - Cut Cut
- Well... it seems that despite the use of rap and rhyme
we've failed to seal a real peace deal between Israel and Palestine.
Nevertheless, I hope we've expanded our minds,
and are prepared to share some final thoughts before we wrap for the night.
This might seem like some battle intwining other people, in another time,
but in fact it mirrors back our own greatest challenge:
to live side by side.
no matter race, flags, or which invisible man we pray to in the sky.
And that is why there'll be peace nowhere, until there's peace in Palestine.
"The Wall is over - if we want it", to borrow Lennon's line
It was pressure from outside that ended the crime of apartheid;
that turned terrorists into winners of the Peace Prize.
The question is, can we learn history's lessons
and apply them in our time?
When we analyse our direction, it's clear where the answers lie.
Does any State hold the power to change the tide?
Or is the One Safe solution for us to unify rather than divide,
Not just in the Middle East but globally, far and wide?
Goodnight.