You shot my robot!
Homeboy, I just fist fucked an army of robots to death.
You think that little flashlight is gonna rattle my chain?
I’m an historian of sorts.
I chronicle the details of the wasteland.
What do you want from me?
If I tell you what’s on the map, I want to come with you.
What possible reason would you have to come with me?
You have an ancient treasure map.
Hello? HELLO!
Is it you, chosen one?
Yes, it is me, the chosen one.
We assume you have the map?
Yes.
And the holy hand cannon?
What?
That like only 2 of a dozen things you need.
Fucking fetch quests.
Well fuckity well fucking well.
And who are you pray tell?
I’m Triage, and this is my rather imposing and annoyingly well-spoken associate Vincent.
Charmed.
You want us to fight for the amusement of your patrons?
Mostly for me, actually.
If we survive, you’ll tell us where the cannon is?
We missed you, Raul.
Who the fuck is this bitch?
Um… let’s just say ex-girlfriend.
Not exactly.
Where did you she touch you, Raul?
Were you going through a "bad-girl" phase?
How the hell did they find me?
Or the sound of ST's sexuality dying a horrible pocky-flavored death.
Oh, did the dickless bust dressed like a hooker just say something?
This dude fucks.
Is there anywhere we can speak that's a little less... slaughter housy?
All this gore making you a bit queasy?
... sure, let's go with that.
I see you're getting an erection storyteller san, would you like me to initiate sensual
gratification mode?
No not now.
What?
Okay, Storyteller san, would you like me to disable this feature?
Umm...
What are you doing in there?
Okay, see you later naughty boy.
Indeed milady.
Dude!
What?
Oh right, yes, let's find a better place for a conversation ehh?
The club is very near capacity.
We could go to the champagne room though.
Can we get bottle service?
What?
Bitches love bottle service.
I'll... see what I can do.
Okay.
Time to come clean about Sephiroth back there.
It's not relevant at the moment.
We are in a bit rush right now, yes?
I think we have a moment.
There is something I'd like to know, if you could do me the kindness of humoring me.
Oh, and what is that exactly?
Why, if I could be so bold as to ask, should I not tear you all limb from limb right now?
What do you have to gain from that?
It would seem you are at least tertiarily responsible for the death of my good friend
and employer.
Hmm...
Listen here you overgrown fucking salamander.
You're dumber than the boot leather I made from your friends.
I swear the bigger your horns get the more fucking useless you become.
I tried to write a poem about how ugly you were, but all I could write were the words
dumpster fire over and over again.
Our relationship was complicated.
Emphasis on 'was'.
Your boss is toast, amigo.
Also, I don't remember us brokering any deals to force a group of strangers into a battle
to the death for information.
That ones on him.
... I suppose.
Great.
Glad we got that out of the way, we can get back to the interrogation.
Look... there are certain things I can talk about, there are certain things I can't, this
falls into category A. Suffice it to say, if she's here some other less-than- desireable's
won't be to far behind her.
And we don't want to be here when they show up.
Do they were all black and have crazy evil looking masks on?
Sounds about right, how did you know?
Hold that thought, cupcake.
Kind of like that?
Shit.
There are more of them aren't there.
Yeah.
It's Lex's entourage of emo fuckboys.
We need to leave.
Fast.
There's an exit over there.
It will take us to the street level.
Are they dangerous to the people in the club? ... only if you have an irrational attachment
to being alive.
ID's please.
Yeah that'd be them.
Get everyone out of here.
Tell security not to fight them.
I need to go.
If you go into that club, you're going to die.
You don't- The fuck I don't.
Trust me on this one.
Just come with us, there's nothing you can do.
Anywhere these guys go, everyone dies.
So you should not be here when they are.
He's not here.
Hello again, old friend.
Decision time, Vincent.
All right!
Great.
So our actions have now lead to another accidental swath of carnage and death, and we don't even
know where the cannon is.
I know where the cannon is.
You do?
Of course.
Will you take us?
Well...
I do seem to be unemployed.
But what pray tell do I get out of it?
What do you want?
401k and bennies.
... variable annuity and dental, but it'll be a $1000 copay.
Deal.
Any other armies of ruthless indiscriminate killing machines I should know about?
I mean... none that immediately spring to mind.
Mom, dad.
I'm home from my trip how- oh god.
Oh god, no.
Who did this?
I...
I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE.