We wish you happy holidays whoever you may be
So Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa Hanukkah or heck all three
We've modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie
Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team
You'd better not judge, you better not hate
You better not bully or
discriminate
Progressive Santa's coming to town
He's making a list of gluten free foods
He won't take a peek at J-Law's nudes
Progressive Santa's coming to town
He's 50 different races
And all for tax reform
He'll protect all your children
Well, as long as they've been born
You better watch out...
That's to far?
Okay.
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
Had an advantageous nose
(he outlived his friends)
He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)
Darwin said that's how it goes
(evolution's not a theory)
Mary did you know
that your baby boy
supports the NRA?
Mary did you know that your baby boy
is white
Did you know
Deck the halls with kujichagulia
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Give zawadi, hang benderas
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Throw your hands up in the air-a
You're a green one, Mr. Grinch
You're lacking in finesse.
That greenish epidermis determines your succes
Mr. Grinch
Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress
lalala lala la lalala
You're an outlier, Mr. Grinch
You give the Whos a fright
They say your heart is 3/5ths normal
You're either wrong or white
Mr. Grinch
Don't walk the streets of Whoville
You might fight a cop the Whos will not indict
La -
I'm
dreaming
of a racially ambiguous holiday
Away in a manger with Jesus and crew
His schmeckle got cut
cause hey Christ was a Jew
O holy night
the stars are brightly shining
It is the night
Jesus did
something holy
(I don't know the whole story)
Joseph watched golf, right?
His leather chair reclining
As Mary birthed a child,
I think a donkey was involved
any help here? God?
Three wise men came
with GPS they found him
aside in a barn
as his omniscient baby daddy tucked him in
Jesus crawled on his knees
his mom
shared it on snapchat
Oh bright
Device
Oh night
When Christ celebrated Christmas
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