I have a theory: most of us wouldn’t last a day without electricity. You wouldn’t be able to get
to—or log onto—work or school; your perishable foods would perish; and if you were bored,
you couldn’t just pull up an HAI video; you’d have to wait for me to come to town and whisper
you sweet nothings about airline logistics, or worse, read a book. For most of us, living in
modern society without modern conveniences would be a nightmare. But that’s just because most of
us aren’t Amish. And if you are Amish, put that phone down, Ezekiel! It’s unbecoming! Though we
imagine the Amish as totally shunning electricity, technology, and a good time, the truth is more
complicated. In today’s interconnected economy, permanent isolation from the modern world is
impractical, so the Amish rely on surprisingly complex electricity-free and electricity-lite
technology solutions to make it work. So how exactly do Amish communities navigate the modern
world with as little electricity as possible? All those guys and gals driving horse-drawn
carriages are part of the Old Order Amish-Mennonite church, which originated
in Europe as a Mennonite sect with a guy named Jakob Ammann—who believed shunning individuals
was good for them, and that lying should result in banishment from the church. Shockingly,
other people in Europe didn’t vibe with that, probably because of how much they loved lying
and hanging out with sinners. So when William Penn founded a colony based on religious tolerance, the
Amish immigrated to Pennsylvania in droves. Their self-imposed separation reflects an extension of
the Mennonites’ New Testament-heavy philosophy: that they’re pilgrims whose journeys must exist
outside of modern society to redeem themselves after Adam and Eve’s big party foul in the Garden
of Eden. Basically, suffer now, get into heaven later. And this philosophy formed the Amish’s
central tenets: humility, forgiveness, brotherly love, nonresistance, and submission, which
each 75-person Amish enclave codifies in their community’s “ordnung”—the German word for order,
and the Amish word for super-esoteric rules. Since the Amish religion is decentralized, each group is
autonomous, which means there are thousands of communities all with slightly different
ordnungs that dictate if, where, when, and how members can use electricity or modern appliances.
Generally speaking, though, the Amish ban the use of electricity from the common grid,
along with lame activities like going to school past eighth grade, joining the military, and
initiating a divorce, because as the Lord says: school is for nerds, the military is for jocks,
and marriage is forever. But, there’s a growing faction of Amish people who build furniture or
sell food to non-Amish people, and who want to know if the money’s really greener beyond
the commune. So, to get past Ordnungs, there’s an entire cottage industry that manufactures bespoke,
low-voltage Amish technology. Wanna know what one of its most popular inventions is? Nope,
not a bot that churns out hot romance novels like Happily Ever Amish, The Mysterious Amish Nanny,
or the more-to-the-point In Love with the Amish Nanny. It’s an Amish computer!
While it does run on electricity, it uses a battery pack instead of a wall plug, getting
around the no-electric-grid-electricity rule. It doesn’t have Internet, games, video, or music,
though it does have a Clippy-free word processor and a spreadsheet generator. That is to say, this
invention streamlines typing and accounting, and makes running an Amish business more efficient.
After all, if God wanted you crunching your own numbers, he’d let you stay in school past eighth
grade. To get around that pesky electric grid rule, some Amish communities have adopted giant
water wheels and wind turbines to power and heat their homes. There’s also a wide range of power
tools that rely on compressed air, rather than electricity, that some Amish communities have
adopted. They’re called “pneumatic tools” and they operate via air compressors: say Jeremiah’s
building this two thousand dollar Amish TV stand. He’ll hook up an air compressor to the coupler on
the bottom of his pneumatic power drill via hose. When the air enters the drill, it travels through
a pneumatic motor which converts the air’s energy into mechanical work. And bada-bing bada-boom:
TV stand. Drills, saws, table saws; if it can help Jeremiah build your TV stand,
someone’s engineered an electricity-free, hot-air alternative. Just don’t put a TV
on there while he’s around, it’s tacky. But more and more, Amish people are just
blatantly using technology to survive and thrive. And before you post your angry comment about why
I’m wrong about that, let me say this: each Amish community, and therefore, each ordnung,
differs, but the general trend has been towards relaxing their electricity rules while still
upholding other tenets of their community. See, it’s all about humility: if you're not posting
thirst traps on main or blabbing on the phone at Amish Bible study, then arguably, you're being
humble about using your phone. It just depends! We're talking about a religion like no other:
it has no hierarchy, no obvious overarching structure, basically just a bunch of decentralized
nodes all reliant on each other for community and survival. The thing is, accepting credit cards at
farm stands and advertising your fine furniture online creates more economic opportunity. And
while it's imperative that they remain the shining city on the hill Jesus told them to be,
it’s just as important to keep the city alive for generations—which is exactly what dipping
their toes in technology allows them to do. So if, a few years from now,
you see Amish tweens starting carriage-core Tik Tok trends, they’re not abandoning
their community… they’re just sustaining it. And I’m sure you, as a member of our mainstream,
technology-dependent society in 2023, are pretty busy. Between working, watching Netflix, and
hanging out with friends, it can be tough to fit in things like exercising or eating well—in fact,
I’m sure most of you who wanted to do more exercising and eating healthy for your New
Year’s resolutions have already given up on them. And while I would never tell you
to put your phone down and jog, I’m happy to tell you about HelloFresh. HelloFresh takes
all the stuff you don’t like about cooking out of the equation—which means no planning,
no standing in long grocery store lines, and no hassle whatsoever. I’ve been using them for years
to make healthy, chef-recommended meals in my own kitchen—and I have the recipe cards to prove it.
HelloFresh makes it so easy to cook tasty meals, and it’s cheaper than getting food delivered or
buying takeout, with more than 40 weekly recipes to choose from. Plus, their ingredients travel
from their farms to your table in less than seven days, which means you’re getting fresh, quality
ingredients on your plate. I love how customizable their boxes are: you can choose from a variety of
meal options, including calorie-smart, carb-smart, as well as family-friendly or veggie preferences,
so no matter what mood you’re in, or how many picky eaters are at your table,
you can whip up a delicious meal in no time. So make a healthy step towards your New Year’s
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