Clay Andrews: Is my ex testing me? In this video,
we're going to be talking about four signs that your ex might actually be testing you. But first,
my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get,
and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not.
Because you of course deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that
you are. And if you agree with me, do a favor and to help a guy out with his YouTube channel,
hit that thumbs up button and subscribe down below so that you can get notified when we publish and
upload new videos. Again, we are talking about testing here. So if you think your ex has been
testing you, please leave a comment down below letting me know what kind of situation you think
you're in that's causing them to be testing you. Like how are they testing you? Just go ahead and
share it down below. We have talked about this before, but your ex is most likely not testing
you in a sort of nefarious, calculated, sadistic sort of way. Could they be doing that? Sure. I
mean, I don't know them. Maybe. You know them pretty well, otherwise you wouldn't have been
in a relationship with them, but you would know if they have it in them to test you.
You would know if they are the kind of person that would set you up to fail or
something like that. But in my experience, most people aren't that way. Most people are decent,
good people who are just trying to have the best life that they can and they're
just doing their best to get through the day. And that probably includes your ex as well,
too. I mean, unless you're the very slim minority of people who have a terrible, awful, horrible,
no good, very bad ex, but most likely your ex is just a decent person trying to get through their
life and have a good positive experience of life. And as the result of that, they probably feel
like you do maybe sometimes. A little bit confused and they're just doing the best that they can.
And oftentimes we interpret this confusion. We interpret their intention of just trying
to get through life the best that they can as them potentially testing us. Now, that's not
to say that your ex will never test you. They may test you not out of nefarious or sinister motives,
but they might test you from time to time specifically, if the two of you are getting
closer and potentially rubbing up against that border, that boundary of getting back together.
They might do this for a couple of reasons. First of all, they might do this because
they're trying to see if maybe how your recent interactions have been are legitimate. And if
they can really put their trust in to you. I mean, that's really what testing is all about.
It's about trust. It's about can I trust you? And oftentimes people will test because they just want
to put you in an unpredictable situation in order to reveal your character so they can find out,
okay, is this the kind of person that I can trust was that smooth thing that they just said, is
that just them memorizing some clever thing that they read on the internet or something like that?
Well, I don't know. Let's find out. Let's put them in this unpredictable situation and see
how they respond. It's not necessarily they are consciously thinking this. They're just kind of
checking to make sure that you're actually who you say you are.
It's kind of like when you leave the house and you lock the door and you're like, "Oh,
did I actually lock the door? Let me just check the doorknob real quick and see what happens. Oh,
okay. It's still locked. I did. I did lock the door. It's safe for me to go now."
Testing is kind of like that. And so let's talk about some signs that maybe they are testing you.
So first and foremost is you've been having some positive interactions recently since the breakup.
Now, in order to break up with someone, you need to kind of see them in a negative light and you
need to be able to say, "Okay, this is someone who I do not want to be in a relationship with."
Now, of course, people can change their mind, but in the process of changing that mind, you might
start to say, "Hey, I've actually been having a good time with my ex recently, but in the past,
we obviously broke up for one reason or another." Is it okay to have a good time with them? Is it
okay for me to allow myself to have a good time with them? Well, I don't know. Let me test this
and find out. Let me test this and see if maybe my initial assumption that led us to break up is true
and we are incompatible or whatever was wrong that caused the relationship to break up in
the first place is still in effect, or maybe no they've turned a new leaf. I've turned a new leaf.
Somehow the situation and circumstances are different and maybe it's totally okay to get
close. The second sign that your ex might be testing you is if you've demonstrated some sort
of meaningful change to them. We've often been talking about on this channel that your ex isn't
going to walk back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
And so if you are demonstrating to them that they are not walking back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place, they are probably going to be a little bit skeptical.
They're going to be like, "Is this real? Is this change that you've had the real deal? Is this,
once again, you, on your best behavior? You memorizing some gimmick,
some stunt or whatever that you learned on the internet? Or is this something
else? Is this like a real legitimate change?" So they're probably going to be testing you to see
if this is true. That's why it's important to actually make real legitimate change and
not just kind of paper it over with some sort of mind game, some sort of BS strategy, some sort of
witty comeback that you memorized or something like that. We want to actually embody the change.
That way, when we're put in an unpredictable testing kind of situation, we're actually going to
respond in an inappropriate way rather than being like, "Oh, shucks, what did that dating
guru that I saw on YouTube say I should do in this situation?" Because not all the dating
gurus are going to equip you to handle every possible unpredictable situation out there.
And so you want to be able to embody that change. That way you can really demonstrate it to them
in those unpredictable situations. Now the third sign that your ex is testing you and this is going
to come across in countless different ways, but they're going to question your intentions or your
motivations. They're going to say like, "Oh, why do you say that? What makes you think that? You
just want to go back to your place so that we can sleep together. You don't actually want to show
me that whatever that you were talking about." And so they're going to question your intentions
and this is probably one of the more tamer tests because it's easy to spot. It's easy to see what's
going on. And it's also just really transparent. And that's totally fine because again, they're
not testing you for some sort of mind game most likely. They're really just testing you to kind
of feel out where you're at and what's going on. Whether they can put their trust in you or not.
Whether or not maybe their doubts that they have in the back of their mind, the parts
that are saying like, "Hey, we broke up for this reason or that reason or we didn't work out for
whatever reason," are those still in effect or has something fundamentally shifted that makes
it okay for me to trust you, okay to put my faith in you, okay to explore what's possible with you?
And the fourth sign that your ex is testing you is that they ... This is the one that's
a little bit trickier is when they put you in an impossible kind of situation. It's one
of these situations where as they say, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't
and did these can be tricky ones because really it seems like you have one choice or another
and neither one of them is a good one. And this actually is where people start to Google and
search for how do I pass this test? What do I do if he says this? What do I do if she says that?
And if it's a common enough thing, maybe someone has a witty response for you.
But most likely if your ex is coming at you with something unpredictable, putting you in an
impossible situation, you're probably not going to have time to hit the pause button on life
and look on your phone and see what the appropriate response is to whatever it is. You're
going to have to say something in the moment. And second of all, if it is some totally weird
thing that nobody's ever experienced before, you're not going to be able to find the
appropriate response. So what you want to do is you want to realize that you're being put between
two impossible situations and you want to say, "Okay, this is a false choice. I don't have to
pick one or the other. I don't have to pick" ... I'm wearing some sort of God awful thing, like
maybe a pink shirt or something. And I say, "Hey, do I look good in this?" And it's potentially
no potential answer is a good one for you to respond with. And so what do you do? You don't
have to really pick one or the other. You can say something like, "Well, what is it you really want
to know?" Or, "It sounds like you're concerned about this. Is that what you really want to
talk about?" Or, "Where is this coming from?" Or you can basically turn it around on them,
getting curious and asking for clarification. That way you can find out number one, obviously
what they really want to know. And that's obviously going to help you to figure out okay,
does she really want me to say if she looks fat in this or not or is there something else going on?
Or is there a better way that we can start to get clarity on what's actually happening? So
we want to turn this around on them by getting curious and asking a clarifying question.
And that's really the best way that you can pass this sort of impossible situation sort of test.
But yeah, once again, your ex is probably not testing you out of nefarious, evil, sinister sorts
of intentions here. They're just doing it to kind of test you, to see if you are who you seem to be,
to see if the best in you is true or if the reasons that the two of you broke up,
the worst in you is true. And they're trying to figure out where they should put their trust.
So once again, if you think your ex is testing you, please share in the comments below how you
believe they're testing you. I think that should be a good interesting read. And if you also
like this video, if you like the videos that I put on, please make sure you hit the thumbs up
button for this video and make sure that you subscribe to the channel as well too.
In the meantime, if you want to learn more about what your ex is thinking,
why they're doing what they're doing, please make sure you check out this video series over here.
Or if you want to check out this video over here, that might also be helpful for you. But
once again, my name is Clay. Please take care and I'll talk to you next time.