How to not care what people think.
My dear elegant ladies,
how can we become that person?
That person who generally is unbothered and doesn't care,
what anybody thinks or says about her.
I'm talking about these women who do not look for any approval,
who can confidently walk towards their goals and just do what they want.
I myself,
like most people back in the days used to care what people thought about me.
But thanks to therapy, I worked in my self worth.
I worked on my insecurities and all those things that contribution to not caring
on what people think or say about you. Plus,
I also realized one important thing is that there are far too many
people in this world. Let's say we're about 7 billion or something like that.
So there's 7 billion of opinions out there.
And imagine if you listen to every single opinion,
that's going to drive you to insanity.
So I just understood for myself that you know what,
there is no point of listening to anybody else besides you,
or if you really need some specific advice.
But we'll talk about that in a second. First of all,
I need to tell you though that to some degree,
it is fully normal to care what people think or say about you. You're not,
not normal if you care.
And the thing is that we are programmed to care because
we are human beings
and we have been wired for biological reasons for
survival reasons of caring what people think about us,
because we don't want to face rejection. If somebody rejects us,
that's threatens our survival, which we all want to live.
So we need to therefore be on hyper alert for rejection.
That's why ladies, to some degree, we do care about opinions,
especially the negative ones.
We react to them because of this biological programming. Now ladies,
one important component that you really need to be aware of and this is about
your own self image. Because we all have the self image about us,
whether it is positive, negative, or mixed somehow.
But all of us have some form of positive self image.
So what happens is that when we care about what other people think or say,
we seek out validation about that this self image is true.
Let me give you an example.
Let's say you want to be perfect Patricia, who is always so great at
absolutely everything and never does any mistakes.
And this is how she also sees herself.
So perfect Patricia will always be looking for information that will validate
her own self image and give her the reassurance that she needs.
That's when this really big need of caring,
what people say or think about you has so much value because it's almost
like we're addicted for validation, not from ourselves,
but outer validation. And also,
please be aware if somebody would say the opposite of your own self image,
defense goes up and there is a big turmoil inside us.
You have to understand why we need this validation.
As soon as you can understand why you need this validation,
you will be able to distance yourself from it because you start becoming more
aware of this need.
There are many issues that contribute to this whole thing of caring,
what other people think that needs to be worked on,
but it doesn't happen overnight. What can happen overnight though,
is becoming aware of it.
Because as soon as you start becoming aware of your self-esteem,
your insecurities,
how you believe in yourself or how you don't believe in yourself,
also becoming aware of, do you seek out validation?
Do you need validation or are you actually able to validate yourself?
If yes, how much this is?
That's why I told you that when I went into therapy,
which feels now like hundreds of years ago, it was to be honest.
When I went into therapy, I was actually talking to my therapist just now,
before filming this. And she was telling me that, you know,
the things that we were talking about in the beginning were so different to the
things that we're talking about now. And that's obviously because I've changed,
I've grown. But I've overcome some of this really,
really big issues that really has to do with the self esteem and insecurity.
And I did notice a big shift in need that as soon as those kind of
aspects of me got fixed or improved,
that's when I really generally became more confident.
I didn't really care what people say or think and really got my own power back.
One really important element is self-acceptance because when
we accept ourselves, just the way we are, that we are not perfect,
that we are like this, etc.
That's when we actually tune in to this confidence to grow
to this own sense of confidence,
that you can validate yourself because you accept yourself just the way you are.
All of these things actually go hand in hand with each other.
But I think the really big thing to think about right now is why do we need
that external validation, when we actually have this internal validation,
we have the capability of validating ourselves and not needing always
a second opinion or somebody to confirm that we are right etc.
We need to be able to do that ourselves. And of course,
all of that stems from insecurity that we don't believe that we have the
ability or we don't trust ourselves.
Self-trust is incredibly important in this.
And you have to reach, I think,
an understanding in yourself.
And I personally believe that this is more done through having an internal
conversation with yourself. Asking yourself questions such as,
is it really true?
Am I really incapable of taking a decision about this, for example.
And the more you practice validating yourself and not seeking
external validation all the time, because that can easily become like a crutch,
a comfortable crutch to lean on.
The point that I'm trying to make is that we need to prioritize our own opinion
and our own validation.
Because as soon as we start prioritizing other people's opinions and start
living our life accordingly, that's when we give away our power.
And that's when people start having control over us.
How do you feel when I say that when you are doing this caring,
what other people say or think you are actually being controlled by XYZ person,
I've had this experience myself.
And I think this is where my strong force of not caring,
what people say or think | really comes from because
I grew up in a household that
were very strict and I felt like I literally had no voice.
I was in the control of my family, who decided everything for me,
and that killed me. So as soon as I become at the legal age,
had my own voice, of course,
it took some years for that voice to really grow into a strong voice.
Like the voice that I have today didn't happen immediately as I left home.
But that experience really taught me one thing.
And I kind of promised myself that from now on,
nobody is ever going to have any control over me ever again.
The only person being in control of me is me.
And that has been really important for me.
And I think that's what really has also motivated me to seek out therapy because
therapy has been a very liberating thing.
Anything that I felt was holding me back got released.
And I felt that was a sense of freedom.
Ladies, I have something really special going on right now.
Currently I'm hosting a free workshop that is in four parts
and part one has already started, but you can still watch it.
Part two is coming out tomorrow.
And I don't want you to miss out on this opportunity because the subject is
How To Upgrade Your Life in 2021.
And this whole series is absolutely free of charge. However,
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Now going back to people and their opinions and
especially seeking out opinions
and being influenced by opinions.
I think you really need to understand one thing is that whenever a person gives
an opinion, it is incredibly subjective.
It's very rare that people are very objective.
I think of course,
there are people who can be objective and definitely you can listen to that type
of advice if you want.
But I think really, most of the times,
people are subjective. And it's like,
whatever they say has a filter of their own projections of their own
bad experience, their own false beliefs, fears,
insecurities, values.
And what do you think happens then that influences your reality?
All of those bad experience, false beliefs,
insecurities has nothing to do with your reality.
So why adding that into you and your reality?
It makes absolutely no sense.
The problem that I see is that too many people listen to too many people.
And instead, they put their life on hold.
They refrain from doing things or living their dream life or whatever it is that
they want to accomplish because they listen to
all these voices that has nothing
to do with their reality.
I just want you to become really aware of this,
really aware of what you inherit of other people and really protect
yourself for that,
because why does your life has to change or be limited just because
Karen had a bad experience? I mean, you are not Karen after all,
you are you and you were living your own life and having your own experience.
So let me give you a really good example of how I,
once upon a time carrot care what people thought.
And I think having a Youtube channel, it's such a great example of that,
because let me ask all of you ladies,
how many would actually dare to create a YouTube channel and be like, blah,
blah, blah, blah just like I am here right now?
You know, I think not many.
And there is a valid reason for that because when you are standing here,
just like I am,
you're being electorally scrutinized in every single little detail, like,
Oh her forehead a bit too shiny.
She looks a bit oily today or all her hair is not like laying there perfect. Or,
Oh, she has a pimple. I don't know, here maybe.
Just giving you some examples. The whole point is that right now,
you are ripping me into pieces.
And I was so afraid of this. I was thinking that yes,
maybe one day I would want to have a YouTube channel because I went to the
psychic who told me that yes, you would do really well on YouTube and blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
But I did not have the guts to start a YouTube channel,
let me tell you. And what I thought in my head was that, Oh,
imagine putting out a video where you're there talking and sometimes maybe
about sensitive subject and there anybody in the world has access to it
and they can sit there and they will be inspecting you.
Maybe they will be sitting there with their friends and they will be like
laughing about you and be like criticizing you and just judging you so much.
But this is the thing, ladies is that here I am now. And I'm just doing it.
And ladies, I'm sure there are many out there who do just that,
but that hasn't really stopped me from doing exactly this.
Surely, I had to overcome a bunch of obstacles in order to get here.
But the thing is that it's all a matter of perception because when I had the
belief system that, Oh, I could never do it. And how horrible that would be.
I'm just thinking about all these people who would sit there and, you know,
have an opinion or say things about me or criticize me or whatever.
But today,
that doesn't really matter because I rewired my belief system
and how I approach things. And also how I feel about myself.
I think what's really important is what I said earlier, the self-acceptance.
The self-acceptance is literally going to such a free because when you accept
yourself, just the way you are imperfect,
like I've been talking to you so much about, because it's so, so,
so important to accept that you are not perfect.
That is going to set you free, ladies. And as soon as that sets you free,
that's when you can do what I do as an example or other things.
You can do what you actually want to do because nobody's there
blocking you. Well, let me put it this way, actually.
You are not blocking yourself anymore.
So it's really just a matter of perception and why I wanted to say that is
because I want to dive deeper into what happens when somebody
does have an opinion about you.
Exactly, nothing happens.
Nothing happens when somebody has an opinion about you. I'm standing here,
there are so many opinions right now watching me and then what happens?
Nothing. Do you see what I'm trying to say?
So let me give you another example,
because if you cannot relate to this whole use of example,
let me give you this example.
Because I know many of you find it fearful to go alone and have
lunch by yourself because people are going to look at you.
People might look at you and think, Ooh, what is that girl doing by herself?
They might look at you with judgmental eyes.
Maybe they find it odd or weird that you were there by yourself.
And this is why people find it uncomfortable of
doing such things as having
lunch by themselves because they fear the judgmental looks of other people.
But what is it really with those judgmental looks?
When other people judge you, it's not actually about them.
It's actually about yourself because what happens when another person
judges you, your insecurity just opens the door.
And you start judging yourself with their judgments, basically.
Whenever we believe in the other judgment, that's when we justify it.
That's when we take it as a reality, as a truth.
And that's when we want to avoid it. So that's why we do not want to be judged.
But when we know within ourselves, when we know our truth,
when we believe in ourselves, when we feel confident,
we feel worthy and we feel strong, and we feel like,
I'm a good person. I don't need anybody else's opinion.
So that's when you don't get hung up on an opinion,
because you are validating your own self. Now, ladies,
there is this big fear of being disliked.
And I feel like it touches or goes hand in hand with what I was saying earlier
about our instincts of having fear of rejection.
So this is the same thing about being disliked, but you know,
what really sets a person free?
It is when a person gets really comfortable,
like really comfortable with being disliked.
That is truly a game changer because you are going to number one,
reclaim your power.
And you're also going to be to some degree realistic
and be honest with yourself
saying, of course there are people who don't like me. Of course,
there are people who don't want to spend time with me. It's normal.
Not everybody can love me.
Not everybody wants to spend time with me.
But the most important here is you knowing that you are a good person,
that you are doing your best, that you're ethical fair. That you're kind.
And then if people like it or don't like it,
it's absolutely okay.
It's not going to change who you are because you know who you are.
If people don't want to be around you,
this doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you.
In their eyes when they see through their lens, yes,
there might be fault. But their lens is not the reality.
That's just their perspective.
So if they don't want to spend time with you,
that's because you're just not matching each other,
not because you are a bad person.
To finish this video off,
I need to tell you about the healthy opinions because there are,
of course times when we need a second opinion or we also might be a little bit
unsure or stuck on something where we actually need legitimate advice. Now,
ladies, that is different. Okay.
And that has nothing to do about our instinctual need of caring,
what people think and say, and if somebody has a different opinion,
that doesn't match your self-image, our world collapses.
This is the difference that we don't want to be seeking it.
But if we are seeking it for a legitimate reason, that's different.
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Now ladies, I have more life-changing tips for you in the next video.
Make sure you watch that because if you want to upgrade your mindset in
2021, that video is a must watch.
I will see you in that video.