WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BIG STORY--
THE BIG STORY TONIGHT CONTINUES TO BE THE INSPIRING ACTIVISM OF
CHILDREN.
TODAY, STUDENTS ALL OVER FLORIDA WALKED OUT OF THEIR CLASSROOMS
AND WERE JOINED BY KIDS IN OHIO, KENTUCKY, ILLINOIS, ARIZONA,
IOWA, AND A HUGE GROUP OF STUDENTS FROM MARYLAND,
VIRGINIA, AND D.C., WHO DESCENDED ON OUR NATION'S
CAPITOL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES!
GOTTA GIVE IT UP.
THE ADULTS-- THE ADULTS JUST DON'T GET IT, SO THE KIDS "GOT
WOKE."
NEED PROOF THAT ADULTS DON'T GET IT?
REMEMBER HOW AWKWARD IT WAS WHEN I JUST SAID "GOT WOKE"?
( LAUGHTER ) THERE IT IS.
MEANWHILE, THE KIDS FROM PARKLAND HELD A MASSIVE RALLY ON
THE STEPS OF THE FLORIDA STATE CAPITOL.
THEIR DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE: >> NEVER AGAIN SHOULD STUDENTS
HAVE TO PROTEST FOR THEIR LIVES.
NEVER AGAIN SHOULD AN INNOCENT LIFE BE TAKEN WHILE TRYING TO
GAIN AN EDUCATION.
>> WE ARE COMING AFTER YOU.
WE ARE COMING AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND DEMANDING THAT
YOU TAKE ACTION, DEMANDING THAT YOU MAKE A CHANGE.
>> WHAT WE MUST DO NOW IS ENACT CHANGE, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE
DO TO THINGS THAT FAIL.
WE CHANGE THEM.
>> I'M NOT HERE FOR A FIGHT.
I'M NOT HERE TO ARGUE WITH YOU.
I JUST WANT TO SPEAK!
I JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AND KNOW WHY!
>> PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW WE AREN'T SERIOUS BECAUSE WE'RE
CHILDREN, BUT HAVE YOU HEARD MY FRIENDS TALK?
WE'RE SERIOUS.
>> I WILL FIGHT EVERY SINGLE DAY, AND I KNOW EVERYONE ELSE
HERE WILL FIGHT FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TO SEE SENSIBLE GUN
LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY SO THAT KIDS DON'T HAVE TO FEAR GOING
BACK TO SCHOOL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T CATCH ALL OF THAT.
I WAS READING ON TWITTER ABOUT HOW ALL MILLENNIALS ARE LAZY AND
ENTITLED.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, THIS COMES-- WISH I COULD
HAVE HEARD THAT.
THIS COMES ON THE HEELS OF LAST NIGHT WHEN, WITH PARKLAND
STUDENTS WATCHING FROM THE GALLERY, STATE HOUSE MEMBERS
VOTED DOWN A MOTION TO DEBATE AN EXISTING BILL THAT WOULD BAN
ASSAULT WEAPONS AND LARGE-CAPACITY AMMUNITION
MAGAZINES.
>> WHAT BILL DID THEY VOTE ON?
PORN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?
YOU BETTER BE LOADING A GUN YOUNG MAN!
KIDS, KIDS TODAY.
IT'S HARD NOT TO BE INSPIRED BY THESE KIDS BUT SOME PEOPLE HAVE
MANAGED TO DO TLIKE FORMER GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN AND GREASY
BAG FULL OF CASH JACK KINGSTON.
KINGSTON APPEARED ON CNN YESTERDAY TO CALL OUT THESE
TRAUMATIZED STUDENTS AND CALL THEM FRAUD.
>> DO WE REALLY THINK-- AND I SAY THIS SINCERELY-- DO WE
REALLY THINK 17-YEAR-OLDS ON THEIR OWN ARE GOING TO PLAN A
NATIONWIDE RALLY?
I WOULD SAY TO YOU VERY PLAINLY THAT ORGANIZED GROUPS THAT ARE
OUT THERE, LIKE GEORGE SOROS, ARE ALWAYS READY TO TAKE THE
CHARGE, AND IT'S KIND OF LIKE INSTANT RALLY, INSTANT PROTEST.
>> JACK, TEENAGERS ARE PRETTY GOOD AT PLANNING BIG GATHERINGS
BY THEMSELVES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU EVER GO TO A PARTY IN HIGH SCHOOL?
OH.
OH, NEVER MIND.
I WITHDRAW MY QUESTION.
THERE WEREN'T ANY AT YOUR HIGH SCHOOL.
( LAUGHTER ) EVERYONE STAYED IN AND STUDIED,
JACK.
AND KINGSTON'S NOT ALONE.
MANY ONLINE ARE ACCUSING THE PARKLAND SURVIVORS OF BEING
SO-CALLED "CRISIS ACTORS" WHO TRAVEL TO THE SITES OF
SHOOTINGS TO INSTIGATE FURY AGAINST GUNS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE BEING TAKEN IN BY THE DAZZLING THEATRICAL PERFORMANCES
OF HIGH SCHOOL ACTORS.
WE'VE ALL BEEN DUPED BEFORE.
"I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THIS TRULY IS...
OUR TOWN."
( LAUGHTER )
♪ ♪ ♪ THAT IS WRONG ON A LOT OF
LEVELS, NOT JUST BECAUSE IT DIMINISHES THE TRAGEDY OF WHAT
THESE KIDS ARE EXPERIENCE, BUT IT ALSO-- IT ALSO GIVES THEATER
MAJORS FALSE HOPE THAT SOME DAY THEY'LL GET JOBS.
I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE HERE.
IMPROV IS WHERE THE BIG MONEY IS.
AND HERE'S PARKLAND STUDENT CAMERON KASKY ON THE QUESTION OF
WHETHER HE'S A PAID "CRISIS ACTOR."
>> IF YOU HAD SEEN ME IN OUR SCHOOL'S PRODUCTION OF "FIDDLER
ON THE ROOF," YOU WOULD KNOW THAT NOBODY WOULD PAY ME TO ACT
FOR ANYTHING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY GOOD.
MAYBE NOT, BUT IN THE SPIRIT OF "FIDDLER," THESE KIDS ARE
FINDING OUT THAT OBEYING THE N.R.A. IS A REPUBLICAN
"TRADITIOOONNN!" ♪ TRADITION ♪
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
THEY WOULD LISTEN "IF YOU WERE A RICH MAN ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
AND IT WASN'T JUST INTERNET CRAZIES ATTACKING THESE KIDS
ONLINE.
THEY WERE JOINED BY TRUMP SON AND MAN TELLING THE BOUNCER
TO CHECK THE LIST AGAIN, DONALD TRUMP JR., WHO LIKED
TWEETS ATTACKING A FLORIDA MASSACRE SURVIVOR.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: THE DOUCHE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM
THE BAG.
MEANWHILE, D.J.T.J. IS IN INDIA THIS WEEK TO TOUT NEW
TRUMP-BRANDED APARTMENTS NEAR DELHI, AND THE
COUNTRY HAS WELCOMED HIM WITH FULL-PAGE GLOSSY NEWSPAPER ADS
TRUMPETING TRUMP'S ARRIVAL THAT SAY THINGS LIKE, "TRUMP IS HERE.
ARE YOU INVITED?" KIND OF EXCITING.
ALTHOUGH, THE AD REALLY SHOULD SAY, "TRUMP IS HERE, ARE YOU
INVITED?
NO, NOT THAT TRUMP, THE OTHER ONE.
NO, NOT IVANKA, EITHER.
SHE HAD A THING.
IT'S DON JR., THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS WET FOR SOME REASON."
A LOT OF FANS HERE TONIGHT.
THE TRUMPS HAVE A LOT OF FANS.
THESE INVITES DIDN'T COME CHEAP.
THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION OFFERED HOME BUYERS THE OPPORTUNITY TO
PAY ABOUT $38,000 TO "JOIN MR. DONALD TRUMP JR. FOR A
CONVERSATION AND DINNER."
YES, IT'S A BIG OPPORTUNITY.
USUALLY, USUALLY, TO MEET TRUMP JR., YOU HAVE TO BE RUSSIAN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.
AND THESE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET THEIR MONEY'S WORTH.
CHECK OUT THIS INTERVIEW HE GAVE TO INDIAN TELEVISION
YESTERDAY.
>> I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT THE SPIRIT OF THE INDIAN
PEOPLE THAT'S UNIQUE HERE TO OTHER PARTS OF THE EMERGING
WORLD.
I CAN-- YOU KNOW, YOU GO THROUGH A TOWN, AND YOU, YOU KNOW-- I
DON'T MEAN TO BE GLIB ABOUT IT, BUT YOU CAN SEE THE POOREST OF
THE POOR, AND THERE'S STILL A SMILE ON A FACE.
>> Stephen: YES.
I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A DEPRESSING POOR.
I'VE SAID IT BEFORE: WOULD IT HAVE KILLED THOSE DUST BOWL