"Deep End" Exposed
~
Do you remember that in The Deep End
it was edited to make it look like
I'm gonna try to separate someone from their family?
It's also edited to make it look like
I and my followers are people who want other people to be in pain
and therefore, celebrate it?
Because of this, in the deep end
when this woman cries...
they superimpose people clapping into the scene.
Not only that,
they also splice my words
and do not accurately portray my communication with her.
This is what they showed you in The Deep End...
Workshop Attendee: So, I got to a point where
I had to completely cut contact with my parents,
um... it was really hard
but i did it
and then I would get all these thoughts
of like:
"This is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this,
I should make this work."
T: And what's the resistance about?
WA: A part of me still like, wants the connection.
Here's little me like, all alone
and like, how am I gonna...
How am I gonna make it?
T: So, I want you to close your eyes okay?
WA: Oh God, Okay.
T: Do you hear these footsteps that are walking towards you?
WA: Yes.
T: This is somebody who's coming to spend time with you.
You're not in this by yourself anymore.
I want you to feel us, like we're in there with you.
It's not like we're on the surface of things
just watching you there, we're in that chaos.
WA: It's very peaceful here.
T: Yeah.
That's more of what you really need.
You've been gaslit your whole life.
What you feel is accurate.
There's nothing wrong with this, this is what you're needing.
WA: ~ Crying ~
Audience: ~ Applause ~
Here is the "I cut off from my parents" conversation
and how it went.
~
T: Hi.
Workshop Attendee: Hi.
T: Ok, this is weird.
Good?
WA: Um, okay. So...
I connected a lot with what you said
about the narcissistic mother.
That's me.
Um...
So, I feel like it kind of like messed me up,
my whole childhood.
T: Oh Yeah.
WA: And the last 10 years have been
an incredibly difficult journey.
At like...
Understanding.
Because up until, probably a few months ago
I didn't even really know what like narcissism really was,
and then, I came across um... Dr. Ramani,
I don't know if you know her, but she was basically like "narcissism",
and I was like "Oh my God, like, this is my life".
Um... but my question for you is
how do you become a vibrational match for health,
if you are unhealthy?
Like, if you've forgotten what health is
because you've been unhealthy for so long,
how do you become a match for that vibration?
T: You simplify health.
Okay, so we like to use this term "health"
like a... this abstract unicorn,
we were talking about unicorns earlier...
We talk about health like it's this unicorn,
but if you look at health and you break it down,
it's really the opposite experience of whatever is unwanted.
So like, let's say that you have a broken bone...
Health would be to mend it, right?
Let's say that what is unhealthy is aloneness,
health would be connection, right?
So, if you simplify it
in terms of looking at health as the opposite experience,
and you start thinking thoughts, saying things and doing things
in the direction of that opposite experience,
then you're closing that gap between where you are
and what you're wanting,
and vibrationally speaking,
you start to resonate more closely to that frequency of health
(whatever that is).
But I think it's important to know that
when we talk about overall health,
we're talking about an amalgamation of all of these aspects.
So it's not like one thing you do,
puts you in the frequency of health.
Because health, we're using that word to describe
health in terms of connection versus aloneness,
health in terms of
I physically am vibrant, instead of depleted,
health in terms of... you know...
It's like a list 50 miles long, actually.
And we're looking at health on a physical level,
health on a mental level,
health on an emotional level, primarily.
WA: I guess it feels like
every time I try to match that health vibration
whether it be mentally, physically or emotionally,
I'm doing well, I'm doing well and then I fall on my face
and then, it feels like
I take like, 100 steps back.
And I'm stuck in that loop of like...
T: Do you have a practical example?
WA: I'm sorry?
T: I want a practical example.
Like, instead of making it about health in general,
make it about, like:
"Okay, so here's one area where this is the unwanted,
and this is what is wanted,
and this is what I did to try to get there,
and this is what it looked like to fall back.
WA: Okay, so I've been dealing with severe insomnia
for like 10 years,
and I've done everything.
Like, EVERYTHING.
I've traveled the world in search of answers,
read all the books,
took all the meds, took all the supplements,
did all the healings...
So, I'll find something that works
and it'll start working and I'm like:
"Oh God, great I'm sleeping, I'm starting to feel a little bit better
and then, eventually, that something will just stop working.
And then, I go back to losing my mind.
Then I have to like,
gather the strength and be like "Okay, I can do this again"...
Like, "I can find the next thing that's gonna work" and I do.
And then in due time
that thing stops working.
It's very very frustrating.
T: What you're running into
is a pattern that's on top of the other patterns.
Which also comes from the narcissistic parenting.
Which is "anytime I try to get ahead,
I get pushed back".
Like, that in and of itself is like a...
it's sitting almost like an overlay on top of the other patterns.
WA: So how do I break it?
T: So how do you address that one?
Two things:
You've gotta figure out whether there is a part of yourself
that is actually doing that to you on purpose to keep you safe,
kind of like one of those "it seems like a self-sabotage
but that part doesn't think it is",
and then on top of that
going back into the healing of the trauma
that's around that specific thing.
WA: Sleep? No?
T: The experiences where you went for something,
and you felt like you were getting somewhere,
and you were sabotaged.
WA: I don't know what that is.
T: You don't remember already? WA: No.
T: Can you, within yourself right now
feel the feeling of what it's like
to have that setback?
Is that like, fresh enough that you could kick it up?
WA: Uh, yeah.
T: Okay, good.
I want you to start by talking about it to me,
Almost like you're sitting down with me at a therapy session
and you're telling me,
letting yourself get emotional,
you're telling me about what this last experience is,
the most fresher and frustrating one,
about feeling like you were getting somewhere,
and what it felt like when you realized
"I lost it again".
WA: Does it have to be about health or about anything?
T: Anything, ANYTHING.
WA: Okay I have to get comfortable.
Okay, so... um...
I got to a point where
I had to completely cut contact with my parents.
Um... it was really hard, but i did it
and then, I would get all these thoughts
of like "this is wrong,
I shouldn't be doing this, they're my parents,
I should love them, I should make this work..."
and it went on for
a pretty long time, like, almost four years.
Um, and then I opened the door again
and I thought,
Okay, like, initially my mother seemed to be different.
It's like, "okay, maybe this can work.
Like, maybe I can make this happen".
And as the time kept going
and it wasn't even that long, I think we were talking
for probably like six months
and when I say talking, I mean like 30 minutes
and then like, "Gotta go. Like, see you next week"...
And...
eventually it all came back.
Like, all the way she used to act,
the way my dad used to act,
and then I just kind of realized that "Wow. Like, these people...
I'm an only child and they really,
don't really care how I need to feel love", I guess...
Like, I know, I guess, in their own F*cked up way they care,
but, it never came across that way.
So...
Um...
Like, for instance I was told by a person that I'm working with
that like,
"Oh, like, you should look into like, preventative cancer treatment,
because like, you want to kind of like
be ahead of like what you're dealing with"
and like all this stuff...
and when I shared that with my dad,
he was like, it was like on the phone and he's like:
"I'm really busy right now, like, what do you want?
like, like I'm like, I gotta work".
And that's when I was just like:
"Oh my god, why do I keep doing this myself?
Like, why do I keep going back to these people
only to get like, let down?"
And it was very like, hard emotionally for me
and then like, soon after that like, I went into like, a surgery
that like landed me in the I.C.U.
and I kind of feel like it was all that like, emotion
of dealing with them
that kind of like,
I'm not saying they did that to me,
but like, I feel like it was just like a charged emotion
of like everything that was going on at the time.
Does that make sense?
T: So, when that happened you felt set back to square one?
WA: Yeah, I almost kind of felt like that little child
that like, "Oh, here they are again.
Like, they don't really care what's happening to me".
T: That's a vibration I noticed when I walked in this room.
So, think of, I want you to be thinking about that...
how you keep feeling like you're back to square one
no matter how hard you try.
Okay, so describe that.
Describe that, what that was like around being set back.
WA: Um, I kind of just felt like I was...
like here's this big world,
and...
here's little me, like, all alone.
I'm like "how am I gonna...
how am I gonna make it?"
T: Okay, so do you feel,
do you feel that peak and emotion that just happened?
WA: Yes.
I'm gonna ask you to do what's counterintuitive to you,
because I've noticed you have the capacity
when you have a strong emotional charge,
I'm watching you suppress.
And you're very good at that.
So, what I'm gonna ask you to do is the opposite of that though.
So when you felt that sort of crawling up your neck like that,
WA: OK.
T: I want you to go into it and let it get bigger.
Can you do that for me?
And let's see what that interaction actually looked like,
and let's see how the audience actually responded...
Teal: What you feel is accurate.
Can you accept that helplessness?
Meaning "that isn't the truth of how I felt",
how I feel.
~ Sobbing ~