*Humming a tune*
Shh...
You hear that?
Hear what?
You’re trespassing on our land! Hand over your gold and valuables and maybe we’ll let you live.
You can’t rob us! I’m an Orsimer just like you!
You? An orc?!
*laughing*
It’s true! My father was an orc! Grew up right around here in an Orc stronghold. Maybe you knew him?
He was quite famous in his day for being an accomplished smith, a fabled warrior,
and a cosmopolitan gentleman of the world.
Shut it, little man! If your father was an Orc then my mother was a swamp rat. Look at you!
You’re pale and skinny and not even a little green. I bet my warhammer weighs more than you.
I said father, didn’t I? Not mother.
If that orc has a swamp rat for a mother that would explain the smell...
What in Malacath’s asscrack does mother or father have to do with it?
You ain’t got one bit of true Orsimer blood in ya.
My apologies. I can’t very well expect pious devotees of Malacath such as yourselves to know how inter-racial
reproduction functions.
I know it might be strange, but interracial pairings are quite common outside of secluded communities such as
yours.
*clears throat*
When two people of different ethnicities have a child, the child always favors the look of the mother.
There are some traces of the father's background, of course, but the mother is predominant.
If a pale human woman has a son with an Orc, the result will be me -- no matter how big,
green, or impressively-tusked my father was. I might be a bit stronger and gruffer than your average man,
and my canines might be bigger, but I’ll still look plainly human
Had my mother been a Redguard instead, I would be standing before you with dark skin.
Had she been a High Elf, my skin would be gold and my ears pointy.
But what about them furry cat men? And those scaleskins?
Shut up, you! We're here to rob this prissy fool!
No, no, that's a fair question. I’ll explain as best I can, and you can rob me after if you still don’t believe me.
Khajiit, despite their relation to the elven races, are far too different to reproduce with elves or men.
Their children are born as tiny cubs, and then develop into a wide variety of shapes depending on the lunar
cycle.
You've no doubt seen the bipedal ones here in Skyrim, but there are also huge, tiger-like quadrupeds,
and others are barely distinguishable from the Wood Elves. Other Khajiit can look just like household cats...
Maybe you’ve seen one and don’t even know it!
Eugh! Why in Malacath’s name would anyone want ta sleep with a furry beast for?
I saw you reading ‘bout Argonian Maid once! That’s almost the same thing!
I was not! I… I don’t even know how ta read!
Actually, despite both being called “beast races,” Argonians and Khajiit have nothing in common.
So someone who fancies one doesn’t necessarily have to like the other.
*grunts*
N- not that you like either one, of course!
Argonians, you see, have absolutely no relation to the other races of Nirn.
Their closest relatives are the Hist trees of Black Marsh, who are said to have evolved the Argonians
from local lizards to infiltrate human society.
They are not born with genitals like you or I. Instead, they develop genders and sexual characteristics
only when they come of age and lick the sap of the Hist tree.
Some say that Argonians can change sexes many times over the course of their lives!
The Hist determine everything else about them --
whether they give birth to live young or lay eggs, whether they are cold or warm blooded, whether they---
---enough with this! Quit your stalling and hand over your gold.
Even if this works like you say it does, no Orc worth a damn would sleep with some scrawny human.
One of the Champions of the grand Arena in the Imperial City was a half-orc on his mother's side.
His name was Agronak gro-Malog, though he styled himself “the Gray Prince”.
He was very much an orc, despite his father being a Cyrodilic noble.
And a vampire...
*gasp*
Mauloch preserve us!
Impossible! Don’t talk such rot!
It's true! They say that he fought with the strength of ten men --
Every orc is worth 10 men!
--and that he was only defeated because he learned the terrible secret about his parents and couldn't bare to
keep living.
I saw a portrait of him once. He looked Orcish enough, but paler, whiter than any orc I've ever seen.
Actually, come to think of it, he looked sort of like you…
Come to think of it. You 'ave always been kinda pale, Argob.
What'r you getting at, you swiveling snot?
Nothing! Nothing!
He’s got a point, Argob, you do look a bit strange. And the way you beat out the others at --
Shut it, both of ya! I’m true Orsimer! You two, on the other hand, were clearly fathered by sniveling gutter rats!
Don’ talk ‘bout ma father like that! He slew a whole horde of Reachmen and had five wives!
*laughs* And not one of them managed to raise you right!
Idiots! They’re getting away!