INTERVIEW 5: Making my own way
So I earned an extra 800 Rand a month.
That was for taking care of a five year old son and waitressing.
I had a 24/7 job. In the mornings I would wake up and dress her son.
I'd take him to school, and I waitressed.
Until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I'd go fetch her son at school, do his homework with him until it was "bath time."
You know, bathe him, give him dinner, to him to sleep and then that was the only time I had for me, then.
On Saturday's and Sunday's I would have to keep him busy with what was necessary.
So, at 18 years old, I was basically a mother.
You know, that whole application,
what women experienced with their children of literally having to have 24/7 - a day,
I've had that experience. So it was quite extensive.
And during that time, I was introduced to drugs, and alcohol and partying, and it was just wild.
Sometimes we'd go out, say up to about five in the morning, get home, get dressed, go to work, and my whole day would again.
It was the first time I was introduced to drugs, ecstacy, which I used about twice,
while I was with Lynette and the people I was "friends" with.
So then, one day (now this was in 2004), Eagle and his fiance came into the coffee shop.
And they started eating there.
(More background: In my school years, I was a Christian. Extensive Christian, you know. But not the whole belief in it.
You know, reading your Bible and going to church and Sunday School and all those things, I did.
But in terms of heart-felt belief in God and all those things, I wasn't really ever there.
I just did it. But in terms of everything else, for instance...
You know the Ouija Board and Astrology and spirits and all those things intriqtued me,
but because of my Christian background, I was always afraid of it.
Curiosity for for me was always there almost those things, but I never dared going "into it."
because it's "wrong" And it's bad And you're not supposed to do that, because that little voice in your head going:
(although I don't fully believe in a "God", or God being here,") that voice goes,
"you know, that's Lucifer, Satan, Hell! I'm going to hell. Going to Hell, not Heaven,"
That little background noise was always so there.)
And Eagle started talking to me. The first thing he said (I've got a little tattoo on my... astrology sign) and he started talking to me about that.
"What's that mark on your flesh, there?" I remember those words.
I said, "No, it's my mother's sign, because she passed away a few years ago. Two years ago, three years ago."
And so he started talking to me about astrology. And so the conversation started going, (because they came quite often),
and I always ran to go and serve them because their tips were very good.
So that was the main reason why I enjoyed waitressing for them.
And one day, it was a Sunday, I was managing the coffee shop on my own,
I was manager sometimes, and I went to go clear their plates off after they've eaten.
And Eagle says to me, "Your mother is proud of you."
When he spoke those words, I almost wanted to cry.
The tears were here, this emotion just welled up inside me, I had to fight to just keep back the tears.
Because this was my mother's death, I was so not over it yet.
And everything culminated from Erica being there, and the whole change,
and me being stuck here in this coffee shop with Lynette and she's got her drug problems
and her relationship problems with her husband, the fears-- God knows what.
It was not an easy time. And because of the situation I was in, you know, the drugs, the partying and all those things,
it's like, how could she be proud of me? You know, I'm a mess. I was literally a mess.
After he said that to me, I asked him, "How do you know that?"
And he said, "She told me that." How is that possible? That's impossible.
I said to him, "Eagle, that's impossible. She's dead." at the same time, I was quite intrigued.
-----
I held my tears back and I cleared their plates as quickly as possible.
I was still holding the plates as they were still talking to me, and I couldn't hear what they were saying,
cause all I was concentrating on was getting out of the vicinity I was in.
I wanted to run back into the coffee shop, into the kitchens.
So I did. And I cried. And I couldn't stop crying. Just uncontrollable crying. I couldn't stop.
And every time I calmed down, they'd just come again.
And they just come again. Come again. Haven't cried like that ever before in my life.
When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,
--- When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,
---
I walked out and sat outside, you know, to calm down a bit, and here they come again!
Around the corner. They had done some shopping.
And just when I saw him again, I broke down crying and I couldn't stop.
So he came and sat down. and he looked me in the eyes and said, "Okay. Calm down."
And when he spoke those words, every thing in me went quiet. Silent. As though as I hadn't cried.
I could still feel the tears, but everything went quiet.
And he said to me would I come visit him and his fiance. I said, "Okay."
So Lynette and myself went (I asked her to come with me - maybe I wasn't brave enough to go alone).
So I went and we did some tarot cards. This was quite amazing. Because he could tell me things nobody knew. Only me.
He was reading from the tarot cards while I was sitting.
I strained my back a couple of years ago, when I was about thirteen years old.
And he could tell me about that - the reason for why I hurt my back, specifically.my lower back
And I was fascinated. Intrigued. Especially about the tarot cards and what he was saying.
And I quite enjoyed it. So after that visit, it was on a Wednesday... < clip ends >