If feeling emotionally or sexually rejected has stolen your joy
and made you feel like less of a person, then you're not crazy.
And you're also not alone.
And I believe what I'm going to share with you in this video will help at least
to give you an idea of the next steps that you can begin doing to start feeling
like yourself again, and realize that you do have worth,
you do have value and you can turn your relationship around.
My name is Kimberly Holmes. I'm the CEO at marriage helper and marriage helper.
We have helped thousands and thousands of marriages in situations just like
this, where there is a spouse like you,
who feels like you are being ignored sexually, emotionally, physically.
And you're wanting to try and turn your marriage around, but you don't know how.
And we have an amazing success rate at working with these marriages and creating
a stronger marriage than they ever had before.
Be sure to subscribe to our channel. We're releasing new videos all the time,
and we would love for you to watch them to get the help and hope that you are
looking for, for your relationship.
So if this is where you are in this state of saying,
I don't know why my husband,
I don't know why my wife doesn't want to connect with me sexually.
I don't know why they're ignoring me.
I don't know how they're not relationally and emotionally available to me.
What have I done wrong? And what can I do? Like I said before, you're not alone,
but that doesn't mean that this is where you should just learn to be okay with
and learn to live.
It means that now is a time for you to realize that something has to change
and the best way that you can initiate and spark change in your marriage is by
beginning with you. Let me explain what that means.
There was a research study that actually backed this up.
I've been saying this and teaching this for years,
but the research backs it up as well.
And I recently read through several studies,
but one in particular talks about how it measured.
People's self-esteem a married couple.
It took 6,000 married couples measured their self-esteem and then
put them through working on themselves to become better.
And what they found was there is a direct correlation,
and it's very rare in research that they're actually able to prove correlation
as, as part of this,
but there was a direct correlation and causation between a person who would
increase their own self-esteem and how it ended up having a positive effect on
the marriage that is geeky scientific.
Research-based talk in jargon to basically say,
when you start working on yourself and becoming the best that you can be,
it has an amazingly positive effect on your relationship.
It will be the best thing.
If anything works to bring your spouse back around than anything else,
it's the best thing that you can do. So what does that look like?
And Mary topper,
what we found is that there is actually a process to follow and love.
And this process has four stages. The very first, first stage,
and perhaps even the most important one,
because it's the one that lays the foundation and gets you going is attraction,
but it's not attraction in the way that the media and society likes us to tell
us attraction is it's not about how much you weigh or how skinny you are or how
muscular you are. It's not about that.
It's about how confident you appear,
honestly, to boil it all down. That's what it's going to come down to.
Every single area of attraction boils down to you,
feeling more competent as a human being. And we break that down into four areas.
We call it the pies of attraction. The pies stands for physical, intellectual,
emotional, and spiritual attraction. So physical.
It is not as much about how you look as much as it is about how you feel.
Do you feel good in your body for your age and situation in life?
And if the answer is yes, rock on. If the answer is, you know,
I could feel a lot better than start making steps to do that for the
intellectual part of attraction. The question that this one asks,
if it were to ask a question, would be,
am I a fascinating person for people to talk to?
Am I a person that my spouse would want to come home and have a conversation
with? You may be hoping that your spouse will engage with you,
but maybe it's time for you to start engaging yourself and then engaging your
spouse. From there, start reading more books, watching documentaries,
taking a class, taking on a new hobby so that you have fun things to talk about.
And then also if your spouse comes home from work,
or you have the chance to connect at the end of the day,
ask them how they're doing, what is it that they're working on?
What are the things they have enjoyed?
It's a great way to start connecting emotional attraction is a very
important one, which all has to do with am.
I evoking emotions within the people in my life that they enjoy feeling.
And this is especially important when it comes to your spouse.
So the question is,
are you a Woking emotions within your spouse that they enjoy feeling?
And if your answer to that is, I don't know.
I want them to evoke emotions within me. I enjoy feeling,
I hear you and we're going to get there. But for now,
the question is the only thing that you can control, which is you,
you can't control the way your spouse is reacting towards you. Right now.
All you can do is control the way that you act and react towards your spouse.
So ask yourself if you're doing the best you can to evoke positive emotions
within them.
We teach much more of this and everything that we do at marriage helper.
So check out all our other videos and all the resources that we offer. In fact,
one of the best ways that you can get started with this is we have a free mini
course called how to get your spouse to talk to you.
Now you might be thinking to myself is talking to me.
I would challenge you on that because this video is all about feeling rejected.
And even if your spouse is still talking to you,
if you have feelings of rejection, then there is some distance.
There there's been a disconnect.
I would encourage you to get this free mini course.
You can join it by clicking the link on the screen,
because you're going to learn things in it of how to have better communication,
how to work on yourself,
how to work on these pies that I'm talking to you about right now in even more
detail.
And then the final part of attraction is the S which stands for spiritual
attraction,
which is all about living in line with your beliefs and values and using all
four of these together.
It becomes a powerhouse of motivation and encouragement for you to
continue to become the best that you can be. So it,
it really gives you a new vision,
a new focus where you're not so focused on all of the ways your husband or all
of the ways that your wife is not meeting your needs,
but you're taking some of it back into your own hands and becoming the best that
you can be as a secondary benefit of that.
The hope is that it will pull your spouse closer to you.
But right now we're just going to start with the only thing you can control,
which is yourself. If you're feeling rejected sexually, emotionally,
then I encourage you to first start by working on your pies from there.
If you have good communication with your spouse,
then it's a great opportunity for you to tell them how you feel.
But if you're saying, if I tell my spouse that I'm feeling rejected,
I don't know how they're going to respond.
Then maybe you don't need to have that conversation yet until the relationship
gets a little bit better,
or until you know how to handle that conversation in a better way.
All of this to say,
there is hope for your relationship and you should not stay
here when you're this dissatisfied,
but that doesn't mean you should leave your marriage either.
There is another option, believe it or not, because no one talks about it.
There's another option to actually fixing your marriage and making it work as
opposed to divorcing or leaving your spouse.
If you're feeling emotionally or sexually rejected,
start by working on your pies,
then we'll work with you in order to approach your spouse so that you can talk
about it and make a plan to move forward together,
to have a stronger marriage than ever before,
because we believe your marriage can be made better, stronger,
and more satisfying than it's ever been.
It's just going to take a little bit of work,
but we can show you how you can visit us@marriagehelper.com to find out about
our coaching, our online courses. We have a whole online course,
all about restoring the sexual intimacy in your marriage. It's called the spark.
And it is a fantastic course.
The couples who have gone through it so far have had an increase in sexual
frequency in, in sexual satisfaction. And in all of these things,
it's been a really strong course that these couples have gone through together.
So I'd encourage you to check that out.
If sexual rejection is something that you're dealing with as well,
you can find out more and all about that@maritalpro.com.
You can also call our office at (866) 903-0990.
Whatever your situation is, we're here to.
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