Hi! Welcome to The Silver Spleen!
My name is Bootsy Collins, and this is my review of
BABY BLUES. I watched BABY BLUES at the Dynasty,
because that's really where it deserved to be watched. As I tweeted before the
screening,
I saw it in 2D,
at 12:30 in the afternoon on opening day. Because it was HK$30.
Even so, I think I got robbed. Well, maybe that's not fair.
HK$30 to sit in a chair for 90 minutes
in an air-conditioned room in Hong Kong is actually a pretty good deal
it would have been better without all that light and noise on the front wall
of the room but... BABY BLUES is the story of a couple
who buy a house with a funny-looking doll in it.
No, not that doll. This doll. You can tell that it's evil because it has blue eyes.
An old homeless man who lives across the street
tells this young married couple that they should move out. Do they listen?
Do they f@#$! They stay in the house and... you know what?
I'm not gonna expound on the plot, because this movie is
such a pile of garbage that I refuse to waste
any more of my life than I already have. Don't misunderstand me,
BABY BLUES is actually a historic and very impressive film. For all the wrong reasons.
It's such a mess that you can't understand it. You know, I...
I've been saving this thing I'm about to show you for a special occasion,
and I think BABY BLUES is special. It's so special that they delivered this film to
cinemas
in a short bus. So I present to you our occasional guest reviewer,
The Silver Spleen Howler Monkey.
Because howling is exactly what I was doing
all the way through this dramatic clusterf@#$ parading as a film.
I don't usually mind looking at Kate Tsui.
But she's given absolutely nothing to work with here, either in terms of
character development,
or dialogue, or revealing outfits. It's hard to bring a character to life when
it's written that poorly.
Now I already knew that Raymond Lam Fung is a pretty lousy actor.
And I guess since I'm not a teenage girl, I don't find him
attractive enough to overlook his complete dearth of thespianism.
But you know what? He can act at least as well as he can sing.
He plays the husband of a woman who may be suffering from postpartum depression.
This woman is played by Janelle Sing. You know what? They should have hired
Janelle Act. She portrays mental illness and obsession
in utterly comic book terms, which makes it impossible to believe in her
character,
much less to empathize. Irene Wan plays twins
in a segment of the movie that I can only describe as an
'expositional belch.' The only decent
actors in this entire movie were Lo Hoi Pang as the crazy old guy that
lives across the street (on the sidewalk) and Katie Cheng, who played
the infant son. Katie convinced me. She was great!
The rest of the cast were entertaining only in terms of
how horrendously they handled their roles. But you know what?
They got a lotta company in the sh*thouse. The director, the writer, the
people that did the 'special' effects... pretty much everyone.
Except, you know, the old man and the baby. They were okay.
Everyone, and everything, else was just crap.
You know, 90 minutes of my life I'll never have back. Very few people will
ever see this in the cinema, 'cause people are nowhere near as dumb as I am.
And even fewer of them are going to watch it on DVD, but
if you do decide to watch this, just 'cause it's a completely
sh*itty film doesn't make it okay for you to steal it. Don't download this movie.
A) 'Causeit's really not worth it, and B) 'Cause it's just a sh*tty thing to do.
So don't. If you wanna watch this movie, you know, 'cause you have a head injury,
wait 'til it comes out on disk. I'll update the description. Buy a DVD; do not buy a Blu-ray.
If they release this movie on Blu-ray, the world is gonna end.
If you enjoyed my review, please leave me a comment and tell me. If you didn't enjoy it,
please leave me a comment and tell me. If you think Raymond Lam is a great actor,
go f@#$ yourself. If you like my reviews in general, I would greatly appreciate a
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right away.
dumb
the