I'm now stuck in Afghanistan for at least four days
and no way to reach my family and say that I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna ride for home four days after I told them I was gonna get home,
they just won't hear from me.
I was invited to go with the airforce to Afghanistan
and everything on my trip went wrong and profoundly changed my view
on trust and cooperation and how the world works. So, I didn't tell my family I was going,
so I didn't want them to worry. I told them I would be out of touch,
I told them I would be on a bunch of planes, all true,
told them I was gonna be in Germany, true, I just didn't tell them I was
going to Afghanistan. We landed in Afghanistan
in the middle of the night. It was me and two escorts,
two officers who flew with me. We landed in the middle of the night
and the big side door in our KC-135 was open, but we haven't gotten out of the plane yet,
like I said we've been on the ground for 10 minutes.
And the base came under a rocket attack. We had three rockets hit 100 yards off our nose.
And for anyone who's ever been in a war zone will know,
you have all the feeling you're supposed to have but you probably don't have them at the same time.
So, I was strangely relaxed when it happened, the panic came later.
We're eventually given the all-clear and we got off the plane
and the goal was to try and get on an airdrop mission while we were out there
which are not regularly scheduled. So we found one that was leaving
first thing in the morning and so we got about three,
three and a half hours of sleep and woke up at the crack of dawn and went for this
airdrop mission. Which was amazing. Got on this big C-17,
flew out about an hour and a half, two hours, dropped down to 2,000 feet,
the backdoor opens and we sat there
when all this cargo slid out the back, parachute down to supply
an army fort operating base. Amazing experience,
amazing experience. Flew back to base
and now the goal was to get out of dodge, to go back home.
So we look for a flight that we can jump on and it's up to the discretion of the pilots
and things aren't regularly scheduled. And we found
an outbound air medical evacuation, so taking wounded soldiers,
marines out of theater. And they told us we could join them
and they told us to wait, we waited and waited...
and finally all-clear. We're sitting on the plane, we're all strapped in
and literally five minutes before we're about to leave,
they tell us we have to be bumped, cause they need more room for stretchers.
And if there's ever a good reason to get bumped, that's the one.
So, then we went to look for another flight. And that's when we find out that there won't
be any other flights going in our direction
until Tuesday and it's only Saturday. And there's no guarantee that
we're gonna get on that flight. So I'm now stuck in Afghanistan
for at least four days and no way to reach my family and say that
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna ride for home four days after I told them I was gonna get home,
they just won't hear from me. It's not like I can call them and be like,
“hey I'm gonna be late, I'm in Afghanistan.” And I remember every fibre of my being sinking.
I just remember all the energy leaving my body, I remember the feeling distinct,
I remember where I was standing, the whole picture is clear.
And I remember I became preoccupied with one thing and one thing only.
My happiness, my safety and my comfort. That's all I cared about.
And I remember
there was a public affairs officer who said, “I can get you on a plane to Kyrgyzstan,
but you don't have the right visa.” To which I said, “you get me on that plane!”
Like I don't talk to people that way and I could see myself becoming this,
this person that I don't know. And I realised, even back then, even at the time
that I was becoming that boss that we've all had
that only cares about their success, their promotions, their advancement
and doesn't care who has to twist themselves in knots to get them what they want,
that was me. I didn't care who had to go out of their way
or twist themselves in a knot to get me what I wanted,
my safety. My comfort. My happiness. So, we went back to our housing,
I was exhausted, obviously, we haven't slept much in a few days.
And I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes, I couldn't sleep because my mind was racing.
One of the guys said, “I'm gonna see if I can find us another flight” and he left.
The other guy said, “well, I'm gonna go to the gym” and he left.
And he thought I was asleep, so he turned off the lights.
And I laid there in the dark and I remember the stress, I remember the panic,
I remember the paranoia, I remember regretting saying yes,
I didn't want to be there, I wanted to go home, I wish I'd never said yes.
And I realised that I was living the equivalent of an unfulfilled life,
compressed and exaggerated, all of the feelings exaggerated into this 24-hour period
where, and we do this in our work lives, where we mistake moments of
happiness for fulfilment. So, I had an amazing day.
I saw things that most people will never get to see and it was incredible,
I didn't wanna wake up and do it again. And if you think about at work,
we have the thrills of hitting the goals, making the bonus, getting the promotion,
winning the client, it's all fantastic, getting rich, I mean whatever it is,
it's fantastic! But do you want to wake
up and do it again and again? Do you truly feel fulfilled?
Those feeling are fleeting, they happen and they're amazing
and then they go away. And so we think
falsely that happiness comes from trying to repeat those short-term thrills
over and over again, but it never really feels fulfilling.
And so this is what I had done. I had confused
happiness with fulfilment. I confused the fleeting thrills
with deep joy. And here I am stuck
in this 24-hour compressed period. And I remember the paranoia,
I was convinced, I mean convinced that there was gonna be another rocket attack
and I was convinced it was gonna land on me. I was convinced that my parents would
find out that I was in a war zone when an air force officer went and knocked
on my parents' door. I was convinced of it.
And so, I'm trying to solve my problem, I'm lying in bed
trying to figure it out, make this horrible feeling go away.
I'm in the purpose business, so I know that when you have a
sense of purpose that it gives you this calm and so I'm like, and I didn't have a purpose,
I was just there as an observer. So I tried to invent one.
I'm like, you're here to tell their story and come back and share what you learned
and it made me feel good for like a minute, five minutes.
And this happens in companies as well, they try and articulate some nonsense
vision or mission or purpose or why, whatever they wanna call it.
And it doesn't work, it lasts for a couple of weeks.
Doesn't really inspire, it's inspiring in the meeting.
And that's it. That's what I was going through.
And so I laid there, tried every trick I had and I gave up.
I just, I gave up. I ran out of options and I ran out of choices.
And resigned myself to the fact that I was stuck.
And so, I figured that if I was gonna get stuck, I might as well make myself useful.
Cause I got four days and nothing to do. So I decided that I would volunteer.
I decided that I would
offer to speak wherever and whenever they wanted me to.
I decided that, I'd met some amazing people, that I would volunteer to help them.
I would sweep floors, I would carry boxes,
I didn't care how menial the labour was, as long as I could be of use.
As long as I could serve those who are serving others.
If there's one practice I could recommend, I guess it goes back to the trip to Afghanistan,
which is to wake up
in the morning and consider what we can do for others.
Even one friend. We're kind of a narcissistic society.
There's a whole section of the bookshop called self-help,
but there's no section of the bookshop called help others.
And I know people say to me, “well, you have to help yourself
before you help others!” I have empirical evidence
that shows that it's the opposite. Cause when I was about myself,
it wasn't going so well. I think it's the total opposite
which is when you commit yourself to serving others,
you will find yourself. It's not that you have to find yourself first.
Help others is what, it's not how can I lose 10 pounds,
how can I help somebody else lose 10 pounds? How can I find the job that I want?
How can I help somebody else find the job that they want?
How can I find happiness at work? How can I help somebody
else find happiness at work? And the amazing thing is when we commit ourselves
to those pursuits, we get and find everything we ever wanted.
And so, if there's one practice that I've learned that has profoundly changed my life,
profoundly changed my career, profoundly changed my sense
of joy and fulfilment in my life, made me a better friend, made me a better brother,
made me a better son, it's that
I really try and wake up in the morning to see what can I do in my sphere and my skill set
that will benefit somebody that I care aboutand somebody that I love.
I do not believe in this whole idea of helping everyone.
“Help everyone!”
No, that's ridiculous. There's one of you.
And I don't like everyone, I don't wanna help everyone.
I wanna help people who share my beliefs, I wanna help people who share my vision,
because then it'll go. I wanna help people who I
have a common value set with. So, if there's one practice
that I try and I wrote it, it says it on my mirror,
it's on my bathroom mirror, it says, “today you will inspire someone.”
So, I'm fully aware that as I'm human I forget, so I
write things down to remind myself. That's the one practice I
would like to see everybody, cause it's certainly done a lot to help me.