Heya playa, have you ever been in the situation where it's the holidays and you have no choice
but to spend time around your annoying family members? How are you going to deal with it?
How are you going to survive? Don't worry, in this video, I'm going to share 5 tips that
you need to know so you can make it through the holiday season totally fine. For those
of you that are new here my name is Josh and every single week, I make videos sharing tips,
ideas and stories teaching you how to be your best self so if you want to learn and grow,
hit the subscribe button and make sure to click on the notification bell. I would say
one of the main issues people tend to run into during the holidays is someone else not
respecting their boundaries. They start asking you all these personal questions that you
don't really feel comfortable answering. These could be questions about school, whether or
not you're dating someone or even what your plans for your career and future are. And
sometimes you might not feel like you're in a place where you know exactly what you want
to say or what you plan on doing in those situations. So when people ask those questions,
they put you on the spot. And the real challenging part about that is because it's the holiday's
chances are you're going to have to spend a little bit more time in the day with them
so it gives them the opportunity to keep pressing those questions further even after you told
them "I'm not really sure", "I don't really know right now", "I don't know what to tell
you". That's why I think it's so important to set that boundary for yourself before you
go into the situation. Ask yourself what topics you're willing to talk about, which are the
ones you don't really want to get into? Say for example you're not really doing that well
in school and it's not really something you want to talk about. Maybe you get bullied,
maybe your crush doesn't like you. It might be a whole range of issues that are leading
to your school performance going down and someone keeps pressuring you about that. It's
ok to flat out tell them "Well, listen I don't really feel comfortable talking about that.
It's not really something I want to go into deeper". That type of response is going to
hold so much more weight than simply telling them "Uh I don't really know right now. Uh,
everything is good" because when you kind of leave things at that neutral level it gives
them the space to keep pressing you more and more even if you don't want to talk about
it so by telling them flat out "Listen, that's not really something I want to talk about"
you're setting your stand in the ground. The second thing you're going to want to avoid
doing is getting involved in any kind of passive-aggressive exchanges with people. This includes making
comments about other people and responding to comments that people make about you. For
example, let's say you've put on a little weight and some of your family members start
to shoo you away from eating certain type of food or they make comments about how you
need to exercise or how important a healthy lifestyle is when in reality you know they
don't genuinely care about your health, they're just making comments about your weight. Trust
me, your natural instinct might be to clap back at that person but I don't think it's
worth engaging in any of those negative comments because really all you're doing is putting
yourself in a negative headspace where that's all you're thinking about. You're not being
grateful for the fact that you have other family members, other people there in your
life. All you're focused on is the negativity and that's not a good place to be in. And
look, I'm not saying to just let people walk all over you and say whatever they want. But
you have to ask yourself this honest question: Are you and that person in a place where you
can sit down, have a real conversation with them about what they said and explain to them
why it was hurtful to you? If that's not the environment and that's not the type of place
where that change can happen, you have to really evaluate, is it worth engaging with
them in any kind of way. And that kind of leads to the 3rd tips here which is to practice
self-awareness. It's so important to know what you're feeling inside when someone makes
a comment when you're around that person when you have to see that person. Being able to
understand your feelings is going to be the first step you take towards taking positive
actions in your life. A lot of times when people say and do things that get under our
skin, we tend to lose control. You might mouth off to them, you might throw something, you
might hit them. We have these types of reactions because we don't really process and understand
what we're feeling at that moment. If that person does something that truly truly angers
you. Instead of responding in a way that they want you to respond which is some kind of
physical or verbal action think about that feeling. Think about what you're experiencing
at that moment. Tell yourself "You know what, what they said got me really angry right now
because the moment you can start to identify your feelings, they then become manageable.
Now the other part of having that self-awareness is recognizing that other people also have
their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences that they're contending with so when a person
makes a negative comment about you, it may not be a reflection of you, it's simply a
reflection of them and their character. Where are they in their lives? If they're asking
deep and personal questions to kind of press you to see where you are, are they at a place
where they feel comfortable and confident and ready to help others? Most likely the
answer is no. If a person is poking and prying in their life, then chances are they may not
feel so secure in theirs and be at a point where they are willing to help others. So
they try to deflect by putting it on you. The fourth thing you need to remember is this.
If people are constantly challenging the boundaries you set for yourself when you tell them hey,
I don't really wanna talk about that but they keep pressing you over and over just remember
that it's important for you to set a positive redirect in a way where they can kind of just
move along with that conversation and accept your boundary. So what does that look like?
Well, let's say someone in your family is pushing you to talk to someone in your family
you don't really feel comfortable with. You don't like them, you don't want to engage
with them at all. Even though you set your boundary and told them, listen I don't really
wanna talk to them at all and that's that, they may keep pushing you so a positive redirect
might look something like this "I'll tell you what, I'll talk to them when I feel comfortable
talking to them. That may happen next year or two years from now but you need to let
it go, you need to respect my space and I'll do it when I feel comfortable. Is that ok?"
And sure they may go on and on pushing you as to why you need to do it now but it's important
for you to make that decision for yourself. You've already given them a positive outlook
and something to look towards, you'll do it when you feel ready, not when they feel you
should do it. And that's the important piece here. Setting your own kind of redirects based
on your boundaries is the best thing you can do to kind of clear the space a little bit
and let them see "Hey listen, this is what I'm willing to do. You either accept it or
you don't". And the 5th one here is a really simple point here and that's to take alone
time for yourself. Take time away from everyone else, from all the craziness going on to just
sit in the bathroom to breathe, go for a walk outside, do anything you can to kind of have
your own piece of mind because if there's a lot of people around you it can get loud,
it can get crazy and it can get overwhelming so you're gonna wanna be able to balance all
that craziness by having your own personal space. Remember, just because your family
members are there doesn't mean you need to spend 24/7 around them. It's ok to take time
for yourself. In fact, I think it's the most important thing you can do whenever you're
around your family for the holidays. Thank you so much for watching, I wanna give a special
shout out to all my patrons and YouTube channel members these are the people that help make
the channel grow. Also, I want to mention my book "Embracing The Awkward" here because
I have an awesome chapter in here all about creating healthy relationships whether it's
with your family or your friends or someone you like, it's important to know what it takes
to make a healthy relationship so if you want to learn more about the book I'll link it
down below and I do want to say guys if you want to know how to deal with annoying family
members, annoying relatives, annoying parents, check out the video I have linked over here
I think that's also going to be super helpful for you in your quest in dealing with other
people. On that note guys, I'll catch you next time. As always, love and peace.