Hello! It's Mark here from Make Him Yours and today, we are going into
one of the most toxic male dating personalities that you can possibly
come across. It is the addict. I'm going to show you how to spot him, why he's
so toxic and what you need to do next. If you've found yourself with one,
don't forget to download the guide to the 10 Male Dating Personalities That
Lead to Heartbreak from the description below, and I'll see you in just a second.
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Make no mistake. Finding yourself in a relationship with an addict is one of
the worst places that you can possibly find yourself with the possible
exception of a man who's physically violent, it is the most toxic male dating
personality to end up with. The psychology of addiction is defined by
ingestion of a substance or engagement in an activity that becomes compulsive
and negatively affects the user's life. Now, the obvious ones, you think all
the alcohol or drugs, but there's also phone addiction. There's also sex
addiction, porn addiction. There's gambling addiction, exercise addiction.
There's all sorts of different addictions that can become compulsive and
negatively affect the user's life. Addiction is characterized by denial. The addict is
blind to the way their addiction is affecting them. The other thing you need to know
about addiction is it's insidious. No one wakes up in the morning wanting to be
an addict. It happens very slowly over time. It starts out as just a small thing,
a way to make them feel good or stop them feeling bad and slowly over time,
that insidious addiction grows and grows and grows. Why is it so toxic?
Why are addictions so toxic in your relationship?
Well, your partner, if he's an addict, may not be in love with someone else,
but he's definitely in love with something else. You are in a love triangle with this
third thing, and more often than not, you're losing. It's going to lead to
depression in the relationship. It's going to lead to total emotional dullness and
unavailability. It's going to lead to lack of sex drive. It's gonna lead to you feeling
like you are second best and constant ups and downs in the relationship.
Eventually, the addict's commitment becomes greater to the thing or
substance than it is to you and it leaves you angry, resentful, and totally unhappy.
Where does it come from? Well, this is what's so dangerous about addictions.
As I said early on, it's insidious and it just creeps up. It can start out very,
very slowly, just as a way to feel good or for them to avoid a small feeling of
anxiety or depression. It might just be a beer once a night. It might be he has
to check his phone three times a day or it might be he just smokes pot to relax
once a week. It's that consistency that's so important and obviously, it varies
based on what it is. You know, smoking pot once a week is very different to
using your phone once a week, but whatever it is, there's consistency
and he starts to become more and more relying on it to either feel good or
avoid a feeling of depression or anxiety. How do you spot it?
Okay, well, there's six questions that I like to ask clients or women who come to me
to understand if they're in a relationship with an addict.
Number one, does your partner rely on this activity, thing, or substance to feel
good?
Number two, do you feel like you are in competition with the activity, thing,
or substance?
Number three, does he get angry or angsty when that thing, substance,
activity is taken away from him?
Number four, what does he accuse you of trying to control him if you tell him
he shouldn't do it?
Number five, is he unable to set limits for himself on the activity, thing,
or substance?
And number six, is it leading to negative effects in his life?
So what do you do if you've found yourself already with one, in a
relationship with one, you've answered yes to some of those six questions.
Well, I want to emphasize right now, don't ignore the problem.
Addiction is serious, and it will lead to an enormous amount of unhappiness,
anger and lack of fulfillment in your relationship. Now, this is important.
Addicts do not respond to soft boundaries. The temptation, especially
from a lot of women is to give love, patience, understanding to the addict.
But it doesn't work. Remember, the addict is using the substance, activity, or thing
to fill a subconscious need to either avoid feeling bad or to feel good.
That means subconsciously, they're being driven to their addiction, so they need to
find the subconscious motivation to be driven away from their addiction.
That means you demonstrating what their addiction is going to cost them.
They need to find some emotional pain associated with their addiction and
continuing to do it. Patience, love, and understanding won't work. Only hard
boundaries. You need to give the addict space. You need to let him sit with his
addiction without you and experience the pain of that and what that addiction
is going to cost him. If that doesn't work, your only real option is an ultimatum.
That's the only thing left. That's the only hard boundary that the addict is going to
understand. When he's left alone with that addiction and understands what it
costs him and then is willing to take unmistakable and clear action, whether
it's going to alcoholics anonymous or a psychologist or whatever it is, he takes
clear unmistakable action. Only then, would you come back after an ultimatum.
I hope that gives you a really good idea as to this toxic male dating personality and
how to handle it, and if you are single, how to avoid it in the future and what
signs to look for.
Well, that's it! Thank you very much for watching! This has been Mark from Make
Him Yours. I hope you enjoyed the video. Make sure you subscribe, hit the little bell,
subscribe as always, and don't forget to leave a comment. I'd love to hear your
thoughts. Leave a comment below, space below. Give the video a big thumbs up,
and I'll see you in the next male dating personality video very soon.
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