(chair sliding)
- I can't go to jail.
- You won't, long as you remember two things.
One, tell 'em what they wanna hear.
- And two, don't tell 'em nothin'.
- Hey, garbage!
(chair rattling)
- Who, me, Officer Krupke?
(Jets laughing)
- Oh, look at yous, you feckless frigging disappointments.
Now give me one good reason
I shouldn't throw the book at you.
♪ Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke ♪
♪ You gotta understand ♪
♪ It's just our bringin' upke ♪
♪ That gets us outta hand ♪
♪ Our mothers all are junkies ♪
♪ Our fathers all are drunks ♪
♪ Golly, Moses ♪
♪ Naturally, we're punks ♪
♪ Gee, Officer Krupke ♪
♪ We're very upset ♪
♪ We never had the love that every child oughta get ♪
♪ We ain't no delinquents ♪
♪ We're misunderstood ♪
♪ Deep down inside us there is good ♪
♪ There is good ♪
♪ There is untapped good ♪
♪ Like inside, the worst of us is good ♪
Aw, that's a touching good story.
- Let me tell it to the world.
- Aw, just tell it to the judge.
- [Jets] Ah.
- [Man] Woo!
All right.
(upbeat music)
(Jets chattering)
- Get over there.
♪ Dear kindly Judge, your Honor ♪
♪ My parents treat me rough ♪
♪ With all their marijuana ♪
♪ They won't give me a puff ♪
♪ They didn't wanna have me ♪
♪ But somehow I was had ♪
♪ Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad ♪
- Right.
♪ Officer Krupke, you're really a square ♪
♪ This boy don't need a judge ♪
♪ He needs a analyst's care ♪
♪ It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed ♪
♪ He's psychologically disturbed ♪
- I'm disturbed.
♪ We're disturbed ♪
♪ We're the most disturbed ♪
♪ Like we're psychologically disturbed ♪
(man groaning)
(Jets hollering)
(upbeat music)
(Jets cheering)
(stick smashing)
- Here ye, here ye.
In the opinion of this court,
the boy's depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.
- Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived.
- So take this nut to a headshrinker.
- Ooh, why not.
Come on.
(upbeat music)
- [Man] Go, go, go, go, go.
♪ My father is a bastard ♪
♪ My ma's an SOB ♪
♪ My grandpa's always plastered ♪
♪ My grandma pushes tea ♪
♪ My sister wears a mustache ♪
♪ My brother wears a dress ♪
♪ Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess ♪
- Yes.
♪ Officer Krupke, you're really a slob. ♪
♪ This boy don't need a doctor ♪
♪ Just a good honest job ♪
♪ Society's played him a terrible trick ♪
♪ And sociologically he's sick ♪
♪ I am sick ♪
♪ We are sick, we are sick ♪
♪ We are sick, sick, sick ♪
♪ Like we're sociologically sick ♪
(upbeat music)
(Jets cheering)
- Five minutes.
- [Man] Five minutes, yeah.
- [Man] Officer, you'll get it.
(man clapping hands)
- In my professional opinion,
what we got here is a run of the mill
juvenile delinquent, (slapping)
and juvenile delinquency (slapping) is a social disease.
- Ew, Diesel, you got a social disease?
- Bring him to a social worker.
- Hey, wait, can I catch it by touching him?
(upbeat music)
- Get down.
(man laughing)
♪ Dear kindly social worker ♪
♪ They say go earn a buck ♪
♪ Like be a soda jerker ♪
♪ Which means like be a schmuck ♪
♪ It's not I'm anti-social ♪
♪ I'm only anti-work ♪
♪ Gloryosky, that's why I'm a jerk ♪
(man hollering)
♪ Officer Krupke, you've done it again ♪
♪ This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen ♪
- Okay.
♪ It ain't just a question of misunderstood ♪
♪ Deep down inside him, he's no good ♪
♪ I'm no good ♪
♪ We're no good, we're no good ♪
♪ We're no earthly good ♪
♪ Like the best of us is no damn good ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ The trouble is he's crazy ♪
♪ The trouble is he drinks ♪
♪ The trouble is he's lazy ♪
♪ The trouble is he stinks ♪
♪ The trouble is he's growing ♪
♪ The trouble he's grown ♪
♪ Krupke, we've got troubles of our own ♪
♪ Gee, Officer Krupke ♪
♪ We're down on our knees ♪
♪ 'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease ♪
♪ Gee, Officer Krupke ♪
♪ What are we to do ♪
♪ Gee, Officer Krupke ♪
♪ Krup you ♪
(officer breathing heavily)
(Jets breathing heavily)
(door creaking)
(Jets running)
- This is for you.
(door creaking)
(door shutting)