- If you've gone on a few dates with a guy
and he's great, the connection is strong,
he's got amazing qualities, but the only thing
is you're just not feeling that spark,
you're not feeling that chemistry, what do you do?
Do you give him a shot?
Do you not go out with him again?
Well, today I'm gonna give you a proven strategy
that you are going to love, check it out.
(gentle music)
Hey, there, this is Mat Boggs and I'm the founder
of the Love and Relationships Division here
at the Brave Thinking Institute, where our mission
is empowering people to create, and live lives they love.
And that includes your love life.
So if you like this video, go ahead,
and click that Subscribe button and click that little bell
because every week we give you videos
that will empower you in your love life.
And this exact scenario came up recently on a coaching call
in my Manifest Your Man Program
there was a woman saying, "Gosh Matt, I met this guy.
"He's good looking, he's got great qualities.
"We laugh, we have so much fun on our dates.
"I've gone on like three dates with him.
"And he's got all these qualities that I want in a partner,
"but there's just something,
"I'm just not feeling the chemistry.
"I'm just not feeling the way that I want
"to feel with a romantic partner."
Yet she goes, "What should I do?
"Should I go out with him again, or should I not?"
And she said, "My main concern with going out with him again
"because he really likes me is leading him on
"and I don't wanna hurt his feelings.
"And I don't wanna lead him on when I'm not feeling
"the intense chemistry the way that he is.
"And I know that now he's gonna wanna start getting
"more physical, and kissing, and all of that.
"And I'm just not ready for that," so what can you do?
Well, first, if you're in this situation, know this
there is a principle where sometimes you meet someone
and it's just lightning strikes.
Like the two of you have crazy chemistry
with one another, and your heart expands,
you get tingles down to your toes,
you get all excited and giddy when he texts you,
or calls you and it's just like, "Ah,"
you know, and we all want that like every one of us.
I haven't talked to one person who that's not
how they want to feel when they meet their special person.
And yet, that's not everybody's experience.
In fact, there's a whole nother category
of experience where people get together,
and fall madly in love with one another.
And that is where it's a friendship that catches fire,
a friendship that catches fire.
And it almost feels impossible to believe that, right?
That things, your feelings could change that much.
But know this, it happens, it happens all the time.
I've been coaching women since 2008,
and I can't tell you how many times
a woman came into a relationship,
she wasn't sure about the guy,
she didn't have a lot of chemistry,
but he had all these qualities, all these compatibilities
with her, and she gave it a shot.
And it was like literally someone flipping
on a light switch, like one day she comes
to the coaching call, she's like,
"I don't know what happened, Mat,
"but like something shifted, and I am so attracted to him.
"Like I can't keep my hands off him, I want to be with him.
"Like there's a whole nother side of me that's opened up."
And so, here's what's great, a friendship
that catches fire doesn't mean you're settling.
It doesn't mean that you're gonna go without,
and be in a relationship that's stale,
or lifeless, or doesn't have that zing, or excitement.
No, it's about giving that possibility,
giving that relationship a chance to say
what if this could catch fire, right?
Because what if you had that opportunity
and you tossed it away 'cause you just weren't feeling it
on date number three?
One woman in particular was actually
in this support group with this guy at her church.
And she had known him for years,
and she never even considered him as a romantic partner.
Even though, she could tell he liked her,
and he would try to flirt with her,
and she's like, "No, no, no, no."
And then, going through this program
what happened was she opened her heart
in such a way that she realized
that what she was really doing
is she was protecting her heart.
By not feeling chemistry for people
what she was actually doing is protecting herself
from being rejected 'cause there was a part of her
that was afraid that if she really opened herself up,
and let someone in that she wasn't gonna be enough for them.
And that, that was terrifying for her,
that fear of rejection, but when she did the work
that's in the Manifest Your Man Program,
and she actually healed that part of herself,
and she raised her own sense of self worth,
and know, and really got grounded in the idea
that her love doesn't come from some other man.
But her love is sourced in the infinite.
And she was coming from love abundance
she had the courage to really open her heart.
And when she did that guy had all kinds
of sparks between the two of them.
Like she was like, "I didn't even recognize him in this way.
"And like we're totally connecting,
"and we're super on fire for one another."
And it's almost mind blowing when that happens.
So what can you do when you've got
a potential but it's just not there yet?
'Cause not everything works out.
Sometimes you go on five, or six, or seven dates
with somebody, and you realize it's just not gonna happen.
And so you end up ending it.
What can you do in the in between time
when you don't wanna hurt his feelings?
Well, here's exactly what you can say
is you go to him and you say, "Hey, can I share
"something a bit vulnerable with you?"
And that's the shot across the bow
that will grab his attention and he'll say,
"Sure, what's going on?"
And you affirm the connection first.
You can say, "I just want you to know,
"I really have loved our connection.
"I love going on dates with you.
"Like I'm really so glad we met.
"Like this has been amazing and,"
so you don't say but, you say, "And I'm not feeling
"the degree of attraction or chemistry
"that I thought I would be feeling at this moment.
"But I also know that's something that can grow
"that that's something that can build like something
that catches fire later on.
"And so, I just wanted to be transparent
"with you and let you know where I am
"and if you don't want to continue
"to see me, I get it, I understand.
"On the other hand, if you would be willing
"to be patient with me then we could really explore this
"and see if this is something that really
"will catch fire for me, what should we do?"
And you present it that way,
and you ask him what he would like to do.
And almost always a man is gonna respect your position,
he's gonna respect what you said, and he's gonna say,
"Well, while that might not feel the best to hear
"I really respect the honesty, and I'm willing to lean in.
"Let's take this slow and let's just see how things go."
And that way you don't have to feel guilty
for leading him on, you're actually giving the relationship
the best shot at becoming something special.
If it doesn't become something special
you've already let him know where you stand.
On the other hand, if it does become something special
you've positioned yourself to meet your person.
So try that out, use it as a useful tool.
I hope it empowers you and, here's the best part about this,
knowing this tool opens you up
to a whole other possibilities
where before you may have been shut down
and say, "I don't even wanna go on a date
"'cause I'm not feeling immediate chemistry."
Let me tell you, sometimes that chemistry
comes on dates two, or three, or four, sometimes even five.
So my question for you is, if you're not feeling
the chemistry, but you know there's a possibility
that that could happen, what's your strategy
for moving forward in that relationship?
Go ahead and post those in the Comments section below.
I appreciate you, thank you so much
for watching, and I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)