- You're in love with somebody
and they're already in a relationship.
Do you shoot your shot
or do you let it be, Mended Light.
(bouncy music)
(crowd cheering loudly)
Jim and Pam,
one of the all-time great television love stories,
such great chemistry,
such great writing and acting.
Is this okay, though?
Let's talk about this.
So if you haven't seen it, Pam is engaged to Roy.
This is early at,
this is Season 2 of "The Office."
Jim's been pining for Pam for forever.
They've got a great friendship.
Does she have feelings for him
that she's in denial of?
Or is he just a friend to her?
Let's see what happens.
- Sorry, babe, I'm just beat.
- It's okay, I'll see you at home.
- Okay, hey, don't try to lose
too much money, all right? - Okay.
- In case you still want a honeymoon.
(Pam laughing loudly)
(engine revving loudly)
- Hey, Halpert, keep an eye on her, all right?
- Okay, will do.
- Bye.
- So, of course, we're rooting for Jim and Pam
'cause the writers put it that way.
But is this okay?
- Hey, can I talk to you about something?
- About when you wanna give me more of your money?
- No. - Did you wanna do that now?
We can go inside.
I'm feeling kind of good tonight.
- I was just,
I'm in love with you.
- What?
- I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear,
but I needed you to hear it.
Probably not good timing,
I know that, I just-
- What are you doing?
What are you expecting me to say to that?
- I just needed you to know once.
- That's valid.
- Well, I, um,
I can't.
- Yeah. - It's hard to get,
put on the spot like that.
- You have no idea.
- Don't do that.
- What your friendship means to me.
- Come on, I don't wanna do that.
I wanna be more than that.
- I can't.
I'm really sorry
if you misinterpreted things.
It's probably my fault.
- Not your fault.
- Good.
- I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.
- She looks at her ring.
Okay, so first of all,
Michael has it right when he says to Jim,
"BFD, engaged ain't married."
(Jonathan laughs loudly)
Pam's engaged, if she were married,
I would tell Jim,
"Yeah, you don't need to have this conversation."
That's a love actually scenario, right,
where you tell someone who's married
that you're secretly in love with them,
that you don't expect anything,
but you want them to know.
And I feel super ick about that.
Not everything needs to be expressed,
at least not to the person,
maybe in therapy, right,
maybe to a confidant, and things like that.
But Pam's not married.
She hasn't made that lifelong commitment yet.
She's committed to make the commitment,
but it's not a done deal.
And some say, "Well, what's the difference
between being married and being engaged
or being married or being in a partnership?"
Marriage is just a piece of paper.
To me, it symbolizes so much more than that.
The constitution is also a piece of paper,
but it symbolizes so much more than that.
If she were married and he told her,
that would be disrespecting her.
Because what, is he trying to wreck his home,
is he trying to break up the marriage,
he just wants her to know?
But she's engaged.
And granted, like he says, the timing's not great.
And granted, this puts her in a difficult spot.
At the same time,
this is the time to shoot that shot.
This is the time to let her know you've got options.
I love you.
I want to be with you.
If the person that you're interested in
is in a relationship already,
when she says to Jim, "What do you expect me to do,"
the one thing I would've added
to the screenplay there is nothing.
I'm not asking for anything,
I just need you to know.
Which he does, he says, "I need you to know."
And it's a big risk 'cause it could upset the friendship.
It's a big risk
'cause maybe they won't be as close as before,
but he wants to spend his life with her,
and he wants her to know.
So that's the time to shoot the shot.
So far, though her fiance would be understandably pissed
if he found out,
I wouldn't say he's done anything inappropriate.
It's a calculated risk for sure.
But so far, Jim hasn't done anything inappropriate.
Do you agree or disagree?
Let me know in the comments below.
We'll keep going.
So here's what happens after.
- About 10 minutes ago,
no, I didn't know what to say.
Yes, I know.
I don't know, mom,
he's my best friend.
Yeah, he's great.
Yeah, I think I am.
I have to go, I will.
Listen, Jim.
- Oof.
I remember watching this with my friends.
We were all just squeeing our little hearts out
'cause we wanted this so bad for two seasons.
She kisses him back and then she also pushes him away.
And then we're left on that cliffhanger until Season 3.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, If you've watched the show,
you know the story, they end up together.
But the question was, did Jim do the right thing
in coming in and kissing her like that?
It works great for the show,
works great for the squee-ers at home,
would I recommend that in real life?
I would not.
Someone's in a relationship with somebody else
and you come in and you just kiss them
without their consent.
That's putting yourself first
because now Pam's in a spot
where she either keeps a secret from her fiance
or she has to tell him,
"Jim kissed me."
And she has to decide in that moment,
"Do I kiss him back,
do I want this, do I push him away?"
I get it.
I get why it works for the story,
it is not something I would recommend you do in real life.
Telling someone who's in a relationship
with somebody else how you feel is one thing,
making a physical move is another.
And to me, that's crossing a line.
But I do love Jim and Pam.
I love their story.
I love their love story, I think it's beautiful.
And what I love most is,
in the last season, how their relationship,
their marriage almost completely falls apart
and they find their way back.
As a couple's therapist, that's beautiful to me
because that is so real.
What do you think?
Did Jim do right in telling Pam
at this stage what his feelings were for her?
Did he do right in kissing her?
So here's a question.
Does Pam cheat in this moment?
I would say no.
Even though she kisses Jim back,
I would say she doesn't cheat.
And here's why, cheating is a choice.
And Jim just kinda sprung this on her.
Next thing, she turns around,
next thing, she knows his lips are on hers,
and she's deciding in the moment what she's gonna do.
She kisses him back for a few seconds,
and then she backs away and puts her hands on his chest
and pushes him away.
I don't see that as cheating
because there was no buildup
where she made a choice to kiss him, right?
So, I mean, you could say that's a gray area.
Obviously, Roy isn't gonna be happy about it
when he finds out,
which he doesn't find out until years later.
That's such a great episode when Roy attacks Jim.
(Jonathan laughs loudly)
Dwight with the Mace, oh gosh, I love it.
But I wouldn't say that that's cheating on Pam's part.
I do think it's a punk move by Jim
to put her in that position.
Again, so I'm of two minds,
'cause professionally and personally,
I think that was terribly inappropriate thing
for Jim to do.
Artistically, I watch it,
I watch it just as a series,
and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, it's finally happening."
So I get both mindsets,
but yeah, those are my two cents.
So if you're interested in exploring that space with me,
I've got an episode on the other side
of Jim and Pam's story years later right here.
One of our better episodes,
honestly, check it out.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
What television or pop culture relationship
would you like me to therapize?
Let me know in the comments below.
Until next time, keep shining because we need your light.
(bouncy music)
And here's the other Jim and Pam, check it out.
You know, when you got time.
(bouncy music)