- [Narrator] Hey, psych2goers and welcome back.
Thank you all so much for the love that you've given us.
Your ongoing support has helped us make psychology
and mental health, more accessible to everyone
and that's amazing, so give yourselves a pat on the back.
Now let's begin.
Are you searching for a partner
that you can have an emotional, physical
and lasting connection with.
Do you feel like you aren't so lucky
in your search for love?
Maybe you keep finding yourself with the wrong person
and stuck in a relationship
that causes you more harm than good.
If so, here are seven likely reasons
why you fall for the wrong person.
Hey, psych2goers do you have a habit of leaving work
and chores to the last minute?
Do you have trouble managing your time?
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One, portraying yourself as someone you're not.
The online world of dating and apps like Tinder
and Bumble make it increasingly easy to portray yourself
as someone else.
You might wanna describe yourself as someone that you're not
because you wanna fit in or maybe your date did that.
For example, you might love playing video games,
but believe that others won't find this
to be an attractive trait.
So instead you switch out your main hobby
with something else that you think is more appealing
like going to the gym.
Number two, building a fantasy
about the other person before even meeting them.
When you only have little bits of information
about someone through their online dating profile,
it can lead you to overthink
and hold fast to false ideas in the anticipation
of your first meeting.
This can result in you forcing your partner
to live up to those false ideas,
with the only probable conclusion being heartbreak.
When looking for the right the partner,
look at who they really are
and don't get so caught up in what you made them up to be.
Number three, telling yourself you're unworthy of love.
Humans are all very complicated.
If you've had a previous bad life experience
or relationship, you might be struggling
with how you think of yourself.
Having a bad self image affects
your chances of finding a partner
and more importantly finding the right partner.
If you go into a first date
with thoughts of I'm not good looking enough
or I'm just not good enough, no one will like me.
Then you and your date might struggle to connect properly
and things could just fizzle out.
Or you might just settle for anyone who happens to like you,
because you feel like you won't be able to find anyone else.
Number four, holding on to standards that are too high.
Do you think that you need to find
a perfectly matched partner?
If you haven't found them yet,
do you feel like you never will or do you have a partner
and your high expectations will be impossible
for them to ever reach?
For example, you might end up
with people who you thought were perfect
but as time goes by, you start to realize
that your partner is not as perfect
as you wanted them to be.
The truth is you'll most likely end up with the wrong people
until you lower your extremely high standards.
Did you relate to any of the points in the video?
What do you think of the animation?
Let us know in the comments below.
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Number five, your indiscriminately generous.
Generosity and kindness are not bad traits to have
and these are desirable virtues to look for in a partner.
But when we let someone take advantage of your kindness
over and over and over again, it becomes a problem.
According to Valentine, "It's normal for toxic people
"to attach themselves to others when they're given an inch
"and can then exploit that."
There are many relationships where
an indiscriminately generous person gets taken advantage of
and get stuck with someone who will
only continue taking advantage of them.
Number six, you try to fix others.
Maybe you have a problem with wishing to fix
the important people in your life.
Maybe it's that you wanna feel needed by others
or maybe it's that you internally wanna
make things better for yourself
and you hope to fix you by fixing others.
Holding onto the desire and belief that you can fix
your partner can lead to an unhealthy dynamic
between you two, that isn't sustainable and isn't fair.
And number seven, looking for someone you think you need
instead of looking for someone that you want.
Do you look for a partner who fulfills
all your emotional and physical needs?
According to Wong, "No one is going to make you feel whole
"or fulfill all of your needs."
When looking for a partner that fills your needs
rather than your wants,
it's implied that there will be a degree of dependency
and habitual reliance on them.
Having someone to rely on is good and important
but if they become more of a security blanket for you,
then that's a problem.
Constantly needing someone
and calling upon them for help can be very suffocating.
If you have a partner
that you feel you need in order to be happy,
the relationship can turn toxic quickly
because of the heavy dependence you formed on each other.
Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?
Let us know in the comments below.
And know your worth, show off your true self
and the right person will be attracted to your radiance.
Please like and share this video if it helped you
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used are listed
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Thank you so much for watching and we'll see you next time.