the Michael Angelo joke to be made
you're just the man to make it we have
been tasked to find and protect art that
the Nazis have stored the chaps are all
very anxious to get started we have your
architect from Chicago a sculptor a
director of design at the School of Fine
Arts and a few other experts in various
fields about hi welcome to what the
flick everybody I'm Matt actually this
is Ben mankiewicz Alonzo trolley christy
lemire we were talking about the
monuments man yeah so it turns out the
oceans 14 is the worst one
the unmagnified seven so it turns out
the Hitler hated Jews but loved art and
so this movie is about the the men the
arts archivists or perhaps art
archivists a battle on a debate that we
have consistently inter classically the
only network on television that uses the
word archivists fairly frequently don't
know i'li battle rages on archivists
comes out of my mouth a little easier
but you kind of sound like an [ __ ]
when you say no it's integral this is
the story of these art archivists right
who who were integral with the process
of saving and they and they so they are
sort of recruited almost self recruited
self recruited to go into the European
theater of operations toward the end of
the war and save all of this great art
so they're like these 50 year old
soldiers who were professors at
universities and their job is to recover
the art that the Nazis have stolen and
return it to its rightful owner and keep
it for Western society to flourish in
all of its greatness
you want to go into a war zone and tell
our boys what they can and cannot blow
up that's the idea if you would just
read the orders I'll tell you what these
orders say don't knock out all the
buildings do not interrupt me lieutenant
I think that went well this movie is
just dull like it's totally off all the
time and I think Clooney was going for
an old kind of rousing war picture I
mean from the score to the titles and
every way but it just feels off and it's
a drag and like a good solid half-dozen
times
somebody delivers some big sanctimonious
soliloquy usually Clooney himself about
the importance of art they can destroy
our cities and trample out people but
they cannot take away what we've edged
in stone and put on canvas and this
movie's priorities seem to be so out of
whack in terms of the storytelling I
mean I feel like they rushed through the
beginning you know you wouldn't you when
you assemble the team of commandos or
art experts or whatever the team is
gonna be commando art expert exactly
give us something like even if it's just
the best fact oh he likes cheese like
some sort of attribute per character so
we know who they are and then we go into
their interactions with each other
knowing why they don't get along or why
they rub each other the wrong way or why
they do work together well or something
we zip through that stuff and then so
then we get into this long ass mission
there's supposed to be kind of these
cute banter scenes between two actors
but we don't know the character so the
banter doesn't mean anything and then
that stuff takes too long like I wish
the ending had been less than the
beginning had been more we never find it
we're told that no where they did like I
thought oh they just like each other
that's just the nature of their they
know each other do they
and the bigger the biggest price they
pay for that is with betray a little as
a moderate given where they don't all
survive but you know that it should be
in this movie so when the when the when
the first person and maybe it's the only
person is killed you don't care you're
not invested you don't know who he is or
why that was important they had done
some of it with exposition to try to
like make you care but you don't so this
sort of ends a moment they give so much
to like okay we haven't made it matter
so much yet so let's do it now before we
lose them but then they have then
there's big speeches about why I matter
and then it turns out like kind of a big
part of the rest of the movie is is
doing what would have been right by that
guy there's a character where they can
talk about oh he's gonna redeem himself
all blah we never find out from what
from was doesn't a little bit of
dialogue about for what it's super fast
but you've missed it and you don't and
you don't register it at the times being
important and then you mentioned the
tonal thing which I think was a huge
issue like it's he wants this big
sweeping war movie at times first of all
he's wearing sunglasses when it's not
sunny out frequently which is a move
that like MacArthur makes but that
character would never do that
it seems super and authentic to see him
with those kind of aviator sunglasses on
leading the mission it was weird and
then so there's a moment where one of
the characters steps on a mine and the
issue is will he get off or will he not
and they have their these smart are some
of them are architects they can be and
they just engage in bad cop movie banter
this why are you on there that's what I
asked him what does he go there and like
hey man like you have a moment for
that's a dramatic moment that happened
in war that's a thing and it's
completely ruined and it seems separate
that was gonna say separate from the
full rest of the movie but not because
they're other false moments yeah these
guys are are dressed as soldiers and
sent on a soldier mission but there
really aren't experts there is comedy in
that and there is drama in that and it's
not pursued there is a whole subplot
like math
is gone for a big chunk of time because
he's working with cate blanchett to find
records or whatever and this is whole
again half-baked subplot we're supposed
to be some kind of romantic tension
between them it makes no sense that
comes out of nowhere that pledgets what
I'm sorry you keep cutting he could have
been played by anyone on the planet it's
a worthless little part I found that the
thing the movie never does effectively
is add a level of intensity or there's
you feel like there's not much at stake
like they all kind of just waltz into
Europe like they land on the beach at
Normandy and you're like well that looks
nice
right it was like after the battle it's
like after a party like there's stuff
strewn all over the place but nobody's
bad I thought that set up like maybe
this false sense of security that that
things are but it doesn't build those
specially and I guess that Clooney was
going for kind of that feeling of movies
from the 50s that are these post-war
movies that are relatively light in tone
whereas we've seen you know in a world
where we've seen stuff like Private Ryan
and and you know really intense movies
that show a really intense look at the
horror of what was happening in world
war two this kind of light touch doesn't
seem to fit right and the other problem
I felt like if you don't really
appreciate why it's important that
they're finding this art right now I
think even though it's Christie said
they try to tell you they say five
million pieces of artwork yeah you know
like okay yeah you see you know you see
the altarpiece and you see the Madonna
that was the Michelangelo piece but you
don't get a sense of how you know as
opposed to like in the Indiana Jones
movies like they don't spend 20 minutes
talking about the Ark but like they make
it in vain to believe you're made to
believe micro [ __ ] we better get this
right now the same thing with the ground
the same thing with the stones in the
second one but this one is sliding into
the Crystal Skull but in this one it's
like oh yeah we better go get that stuff
and it's and and you don't feel as an
audience member I never felt the weight
of import
to those objects that the characters
themselves do if you want to see a great
action movie about saving art from the
Nazis John Frankenheimer is the Train
Saving Private Ryan would suck right
with individual characters when they did
something it would remind me of totally
better movies of course there's a scene
where Clooney sitting down with Matt
Damon and assembling his team it's just
like the scene in the first oceans movie
where as I drew you one more we need
more more you see Bill Murray in army
fatigues being handed a rifle you want
to see stripes
John Goodman is also an a soldier named
Walter who is a blow I think of the
whole time was Lebowski
I mean that's it took me out of it
repeatedly thinking what they could be
doing it I did however like watching Bob
Balaban get a badass moment Bob Balaban
Bregman is not have a lot of badass
moments over the course of it when he
when they go to the villa oh and he
totally calls them out on the art that
they've got and very very cool customer
like just BAM it's really good he says
like he talks about how he wants to kill
someone and they kind of set up that
he's supposed to be one of the tougher
guys here
but there's nothing you don't get ever
get like your first introduction to him
is he's basically directing something on
Broadway right and so and they did you
know like at least tell me that he's you
didn't know these guys anyway no these
guys were and and it even had a little
of Saving Private Ryan and at me in the
sense that it was that the issue is is
it worth it to risk these men's lives to
recover something in the war and Matt
Damon as part of it
so there was you know and George Clooney
might as well have been involved with
Saving Private Ryan it's like his kind
of thing you know
so uh but again it just I felt like the
sets to look like a TV show about movie
production like like when in the Battle
of the Bulge scenes in there in the
camps I'm like just looks like they just
built that that's like I've seen enough
I've seen enough Saving Private Ryan a
band of brothers like that's not at the
top it's way off everything was often
and I'm sorry keep going but then really
that think there were so many scenes
were
we're getting middle of conversations
that were all this explanation for the
audience like Kate Blanchet and Matt
Damon are walking through a warehouse of
recovered art and they've been in there
a while they're well into it and Matt
Damon says what is all this stuff and
she says you know it's a pieces of
people's lives he goes who did it belong
to and like the Jews the Jews and she
says the Jews it's like that
conversation happened 25 minutes earlier
like everything happened 25 minutes
earlier we get all this Katie you know
and what I get movies have to do that
but when they're done well you don't
know and this was not done it was not -
well because I expected more it was
Clooney and his laufen who wrote it and
Clooney directed it and it was World War
two I was you know psyched and so I and
it should have been much better it's
just not I think it might be Clooney's
worst role ever his speech patterns like
his Clooney asked speech patterns which
he can take himself out of we've seen it
they they they didn't they weren't
consistent with who that this guy was so
I gave it a three point three I didn't
like it at all
four point nine four that's a four point
two overall for Manya Surve which I
guess was supposed to be they tried to
get it finished in time for got crowded
so they decided to bump it and I think
maybe they also realize this is not
gonna like 35% of the tomato meter so
everybody's disappointed or most
everybody thanks everybody