MY NEXT GUEST WALKED ON THE DAMN MOON.
WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE?
PLEASE WELCOME BUZZ ALDRIN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME, BUZZ.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
ALWAYS AN HONOR TO TALK TO YOU, BUZZ.
NOW, BUZZ, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK.
"NO DREAM IS TOO HIGH: LIFE LESSONS FROM A MAN WHO WALKED ON
THE MOON."
I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO READING THIS THING BECAUSE ONE THING I'D
LIKE TO SETTLE ONCE AND FOR ALL WAS A RIDICULOUS RUMOR.
THE MOON LANDING WAS NOT FAKED, TRUE?
>> THAT'S CORRECT.
THE MOON LANDING HAPPENED EXACTLY THE WAY THE WHOLE WORLD
SAW IT.
>> Stephen: SEE, EVERYONE?
THERE IS NO REASON TO EVER SAY THAT AGAIN.
AND THERE ARE NO MORE SECRETS TO BE EXPOSED ABOUT THE MOON.
>> I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BUZZ?
>> THERE'S PLENTY OF THINGS PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE MOON
MISSIONS.
THESE ARE "BUZZ ALDRIN'S MOON SCOOPS."
>> SHHH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NEIL ARMSTRONG MIGHT HAVE BEEN
THE FIRST PERSON TO WALK ON THE MOON, BUT I WAS THE FIRST PERSON
TO PEE HIS PANTS ON THE MOON.
THERE ACTUALLY IS GRAVITY ON THE MOON.
WE JUST HOPPED AROUND LIKE THAT TO BE FUNNY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: MOON SCOOPS!
>> MOON SCOOPS.
THERE WERE ACTUALLY FOUR PEOPLE IN THE APOLLO 11 SPACECRAFT, BUT
WE GOT HUNGRY.
( LAUGHTER ) THERE WAS PLENTY OF TANG ON THE
MOON, BUT NOT THE KIND YOU DRINK.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HOUSTON, WE HAVE A
PROBLEM.
I WANT MORE MOON SCOOPS.
>> ALAN SHEPARD HIT A GOLF BALL ON THE MOON.
BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT HIT A GOLF BALL INTO A CLOWN'S MOUTH
ON THE MOON.
( LAUGHTER ) MAKE SURE YOU BRING A GUN LOADED
WITH SILVER BULLETS TO FIGHT OFF WEREWOLVES BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE
ON IT, IT'S ALWAYS A FULL MOON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OOOOO!
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THE THREE OF US WERE PICKED TO GO TO
THE MOON BECAUSE WE HAD THE RIGHT STUFF.
ACTUALLY, IT WAS A PRIZE WE WON FOR SELLING THE MOST COOKIES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MAMMA MIA!
THAT'S A SPICY MOON SCOOP!
>> JUST BECAUSE THE AMERICAN FLAG IS ON THE MOON DOESN'T MEAN
IT BELONGS TO US.
THE MOON IS ACTUALLY OWNED BY THE ORTEGA TACO SHELL
CORPORATION.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: TRUE STORY!
"NO DREAM IS TOO HIGH" IS IN STORES NOW!
BUZZ ALDRIN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )