We're sitting at the park and
when your eyes were in the sun
and then also how
confident you were when you talked, and how I could listen to you
And it seemed like I could listen to you forever
When do you think I find myself the sexiest? C: When you're dancing
For sure, even if I'm not there, but you're dancing - you know you're good 'cause you do it good
You just, you
You, yeah
And it's such a, like privilege, to see, because it takes convincing for you to dance in front of me.
Even-- M: it's nerve-racking C: Yeah, but you're just killing it! [both laugh]
What's-- I feel like an old person that is like [laughs]-- What's our biggest conflict in our relationship and what can we do to solve it?
The first thing that came to mind is that I'm
a hearing individual in this world and you are a deaf individual in this world, and I will never be able to wrap my head around
like--
what truly that's like. Like remember how I told you: like I could wear earplugs for a whole entire day and later try to understand.
But just sometimes I forget that we're in situations that
you can't hear or--
or like when you take out your implants at night, and I have to tell you something,
but I have to sign, and if I'm tired then it's just like a hard thing to
try to do. But there's no other way for me to communicate to you unless I write something down; but-
C: I'm surprised you say that actually, because
you are
probably one of the best people I have in my life navigating my hearing and like to criticize yourself-
I mean like you can't be perfect- and like you're just so critical of yourself anytime you forget,
which is like completely fine and like you hardly ever forget.
I'm surprised you said that - I thought you were gonna say how you-- I have no patience
and how like I'm very fast-paced and you're slow, so I'm surprised you said that.
Actually, I wouldn't even consider it a conflict, 'cause I mean
it's something that we have to deal with;
But in terms of our relationship, I wouldn't ever see it as like a conflict M: yeah
C: you know
M: alright
What makes you think I understand you?
You not only
listen to me, but you you really hear me, like when I told you I was dysphoric about my chest you know like
anything
you thought couldn't even slightly trigger it - you made sure to go out of your way to ask me: "Is this okay, is this okay"?
And you just know how to be inclusive and respectful and you're able to see the
perspectives of other people without them really like
sitting down and explaining like "this is how it is" you just-- you can-- you know?
And you have that like sixth sense.
M [whispers]: Thank you.
M: Oh, your turn!
C: Is it? M: yeah
How have I changed since we first met and how do you feel about it now? Oh wow-
M: Well, I mean you've really changed
C: Oh, yeah M: I mean physically
M: Yeah C: In your mind like you're always-- you've been
the same Chella that I like sat down with in the park and the same Chella that's sitting right here.
But, I thought it was interesting when you showed me that photo the other day, the one where you're wearing the red sweater, and
you were like-- C: The striped one? M: Yeah C: Okay M: And you looked like really femme
and you were like do you miss this person - like this is the person you fell in love with?
And I was like no - I mean yes. It was, but like
not
physically, because like you've in your mind and like how you are as a person: That's been the same, and that's what I fell in love with.
When was the last time I disappointed you and how do you feel about it now? C: Oh my gosh, it was this morning.
You were just getting dressed and
really like worrying about how you look - and you were just like in that whole frenzy you and just you just
like would be like cold to me about something that I said.
But I mean, I know it's because you're like that when you
-- You're not a multi-task.
[both laugh]
So like, I mean like--
Disappointed is such a heavy word though. I don't think I was like
"Disappointed". I was like a bit annoyed.
But, uhm...
You've never disappointed me to that point where like it fulfills
the entirety of the word.
What do you think is what-- I'm gonna ask you a question
C: Oh wow, take the reign!
What do you think is one thing that would disappoint you that I-- C: That what? M: That would like fulfill the word of disappointment?
Hmm, that's a good question.
Maybe if you cheated on me.
But I don't see you ever doing that, but I'm just saying if you did - know that I wouldn't just-
M: Hmm, hmm. C: I would want to stick around and work it out with you. M: Yeah, well. We've like talked about that-- C: Yeah M: And like--
We both said like it depends on what the situation is.
C: Exactly.
What have you learned from me that changed you?
Oh my gosh--
So much...
I mean for one like really understanding how the world works - like politics specifically.
Really understanding, like how much something-- could it impact someone.
Politically, and that I actually like care about that stuff now, 'cause I--
I'm thinking back to when we were in the MET and--
C: The MET?
The MET [museum] yeah, and that woman was like trying to say something to you in the bathroom,
and I like couldn't even get myself to pee 'cause I was just like so upset. C: [laughs], Yeah M: I was like: I can't believe this
fucking lady like thinks she can go out-- like she's gonna go out of her way to
say this, when in what
way, shape or form is this affecting her? C: Seeing moments like those - those moments
I know you're just so inherently good.
The way you stood up for me in the bathroom - when I didn't even know what was going on -
'cause I couldn't even hear her.
But I heard you opened your stall and started talking to someone and I was like "what"?
And then you told me after it, and seeing that seeing that anger on your face,
which I rarely see because you don't get angry;
It just struck me
that this was very new to you - I knew but I didn't see it, but I saw it then.
I think it's because you realize -
it's not only politics,
but it's morals.
M: Yeah, and--
yeah
Am I the best sex you've ever had? M: [chuckles]
Yes.
[both chuckle]
Yeah, I mean we've talked about this.
Yeah, we've talked about this, that like--
Me being with like cis boys, and I'm just like not knowing
what to do and how to navigate stuff; I mean it was like still fun and everything
C: Mmmh.
But-- C: Even- it's not even like the fact that they're cis boys
it's just like the people. Because there are cis boys out there that- M: -That are understanding and care. You're right. C: Don't generalize.
So it's yeah, it's like the fact that you 101 percent like care and understand and want to be like as
passionate and loving as much as you can be-- C: Yeah M: And I think that's why. C: Give as much as you take.
What's one experience you wish I never had?
I wish your dad was always there for you. In that way that you wanted him to be.
And I wish he understood and listened; stopped and listened.
Because you deserve it.
Why do you love me?
Why? Everything. EVERYTHING.
The way your mannerisms, the way after you think about something deeply you make little "hmm's".
The way you organize everything to the T before you carry it out.
How you give yourself to people, when you know that they deserve it.
How you always do the right thing.
You do. You do.
Everything. Everything!
M [quietly]: Thanks
C: Four hundred percent!
M [quietly]: Same to you. Yeah.
You're so confident, and you--
You know what you want.
And you know what you stand for and there's nothing, nothing - nobody - that will like change that.
And--
Yeah, you're like:
"I'm gonna talk about my scars. I'm gonna
talk about my hearing. I'm gonna talk about having a girlfriend and
if it makes you uncomfortable--
I'm doing my job." Yeah.
It's getting you to think about stuff, and that's- you know that that's what the world needs.
People to think and have conversations. [quietly] And you're doing that.
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