ancient rome will forever be a
fascination
rome grew from a small town on the bank
of the tiber river to a powerful empire
that included large portions of europe
asia and africa although rome is not
quite the power it once was there are
still many inventions from ancient rome
that are in use today
everything from newspapers to
architecture and even surgical
techniques began in ancient rome and it
is still a civilization that is heavily
studied and learned from today
however while the incredible inventions
of ancient rome are frequently discussed
what's not talked about so much are the
personal lives of citizens during this
time period
did anyone marry for love
welcome back to nutty history today
we're going to be talking about what
love and marriage was like in ancient
rome
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ancient rome was not known for equality
between the sexes the empire still
valued men and their perceived needs far
above women and this was evident in the
way marriages and relationships were
conducted although there were some
marriages that took place for love the
feelings of both parties generally
didn't particularly matter if the union
was what the fathers of the pair wanted
not only was marriage often dictated by
men but men had a lot more freedom
within the marriage to do as they
pleased
while marriage in ancient rome was
expected to be monogamous
men frequently had extramarital affairs
with other women and men as long as the
individuals men had intimate
relationships with were not free born
roman citizens nobody questioned it and
in fact it was often expected as men
were seen to be highly intimate beings
who needed to be satisfied
soliciting escorts was not taboo and in
fact escorts often showed up in large
numbers at parties and celebrations same
intercourse relations between men were
not frowned upon and it was very common
for husbands and single men to engage in
intercourse with all genders
conversely although women did have
affairs it was not nearly as accepted
and female intercourse was always
expected to be more conservative with
chastity being highly valued
in fact there was even a group called
the vestal virgins in rome a collection
of women from high born families who
were selected as children to lead a life
of celibacy and keep the sacred flame in
the temple of vesta alight
these women had unique privileges such
as the right to own property and vote
but their chastity was held in such high
regard that any who broke their pledge
could be stoned to death or left in a
closed room to die quite the punishment
all these decisions were made by men as
they held every position of authority
even within individual households men
were understood to be the leader and
women were expected to respect and obey
their rule
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turns out the ancient romans were not
too concerned with age especially when
it came to females
in ancient rome the legal age for girls
to marry was just 12 years old for boys
it was 15 but it was not uncommon for
men to wait until their mid to late 20s
to get married as it was thought men
were not mentally balanced until the age
of 26.
girls were thought to be much more
mature and ready for the complexities of
marriage the idea that girls mature much
faster than men begs the question why
were men in charge if they could not
control their thoughts and urges until
they were almost 30 years old
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as already mentioned love was not
necessarily a common reason to marry
marriages were frequently arranged
between families to maintain social
status and benefit each other in some
way but the marriage ceremony was not
quite like we know it today there were
three different types of marriages that
were recognized in ancient rome the
first titled confederatio was what was
known as a patrician marriage or a
marriage between people of nobility at
this type of ceremony spelt cake and
bread was shared this marriage also
reinforced the patriarchal structure of
ancient rome as the bride was given by
her father's hand directly to her groom
the second marriage was called coimpio
which translates to by purchase which
meant that a bride was literally sold
into marriage by her own family the
final kind of marriage was probably the
most likely to result out of love
it was called uses and was a type of
marriage that came out of long-term
cohabitation between partners i'm
guessing they were shacking up back then
this type of marriage was reserved for
commoners given that it took place
between nobility it's natural that the
conferacio ceremony was the most
elaborate before the wedding omens had
to be read and the wedding could only
proceed if the omens were good the
ceremony would then take place at the
bride's father's house and the room
would be decorated with flowers and
tapestries a priest and 10 witnesses
would gather to witness the event and
the bride and groom would be joined
together by a vow recited by a matron
this ceremony usually took place just
before sunrise which was symbolic of the
life the couple were about to embark on
together after the ceremony the bride
and groom would sit down while the
priest made an offering to jupiter and
then the two of them would share spell
cake which would signal the end of the
ceremony after a feast with their family
and guests a procession to their new
place of residence would take place
as they walked the bride would drop
coins to honor the spirits of rhodes as
well as her new husband while her
husband would throw sweets into the
crowd
the crowd would then throw those sweets
back into the air a tradition that now
manifests as wedding guests throwing
rice once the newlyweds reached their
home the groom would carry his new bride
over the threshold and offer her water
and fire as essential elements of their
new home
the bride would kindle her first fire
and then everyone would feast again
until the night was over the whole thing
was quite a production and the
celebrations lasted all day
while there was a lot that was
old-fashioned about marriage in ancient
rome attitudes about divorce sure were
not in ancient rome not only was divorce
common but it was also totally accepted
there was no shame in getting divorced
and in fact remarriage was encouraged
although this attitude did gradually
change during the ancient rome period
there wasn't any stigma attached to the
idea of divorce which left couples free
to abandon their union as long as both
of them consented to it although in
reality it was really up to the men
whether or not the marriage was over
once a divorce was decided the woman
simply took back her dowry and left her
husband's home and that was the end of
it
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while marriages were expected to be
monogamous we already know that many men
regarded that vowel quite loosely
however there were some rules regarding
intimate relations that were looked upon
much more sternly if disregarded the
first was incestum which was the
violation of a family member a free-born
roman citizen a vestal virgin or any
individual who had made a vow to remain
chaste you may note that this did not
include non-free-born roman citizens
which meant violations against those
individuals were common
the second was raptus which forbade
kidnapping with the expressed intention
of intimate relations this included
women who went willingly as they could
not lawfully do so without their
father's consent the third was steptrim
which was intercourse misconduct which
included consenting extramarital affairs
with freeborn roman citizens the last
rule was casitas which referred to women
who had chosen a life of chastity such
as the vestal virgins who as mentioned
could not walk back on their vow without
facing severe punishment or in most
cases
death
as a reminder these women had their
choice of chastity made for them by
their families usually when they were
only five or six years old a consistent
theme here is the value of freeborn
roman citizens over anyone else there
were still many slaves in ancient rome
and they were forced into a variety of
positions including household servants
accountants doctors farmers and minors
slaves had no rights and were subject to
intercourse misconduct and humiliation
slaves were considered slaves for life
as were any descendants
while slaves were often escorts or
intercourse buddies for freeborn romans
slaves were not permitted to marry or
have independent relations with nobility
this type of construct has persisted
through many cultures and generations
although some of these ideas surrounding
love and marriage might seem totally
archaic they're not actually as far off
as you might think dowries still exist
in many countries even if officially
they might be illegal several countries
still allow minors to marry with
parental consent including several u.s
states and there are still countries
where girls are forced into marriages at
the insistence of her father showing
that the patriarchy is still alive and
well in the tradition of marriage while
these upsetting circumstances still
happen it's heartening to know that
these days many more people marry for
love than they used to and as the stigma
of therapy disappears more people turn
to a talking session instead of an
affair
hopefully the more we learn the more we
can work towards happy and long-lasting
marriages
we hope you enjoyed this video and do
tell us which other civilization or
period shall we cover in this series
and as always thanks for watching nutty
history
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