- If sex is in the room you don't make eye contact with it.
You don't address those needs, 'cause you don't have 'em.
You pretend that you are a gingerbread cookie,
without any genitalia.
(upbeat music)
Hi, I'm Devon and I had a very weird sexual education,
as most kids in America do.
But my story is even crazier
because I went to a Christian school,
but this is not a comment on the religion
or Christianity in general.
I'm just here to tell you
about the weird sex ed stories that I've experienced.
So, I went to Church of Christ School in Atlanta, Georgia.
And they have a very strict
abstinence only. (tires screeching)
My first sex talk, I was in sixth grade.
I remember they were there to talk to us about STDs.
Cool, it's good to know about those.
Often times, when they would do sex talks,
they would bring in a cool couple.
You know, to lean on each others backs
and like tell you about how sex works.
In the faith.
And they asked for volunteers.
I was like, ooh, ooh,
I would love to volunteer for this situation.
Please, please, please, please be me.
They didn't pick me, fine.
So they lined eight kids up,
and they give all the eight kids a glass of water.
Then they give one of the kids, one or two,
I can't remember.
These bars, these chocolate peanut butter wafer bars,
mostly wafer, but with a lot of chocolate and peanut butter.
So, they told the kids to take a sip of the water
and pass it to the right, cool.
Then they told the kids to do it again.
Then they cue the two kids to take big old bites
of these, like chunky-monkey bars, whatever they're called.
So, the take big old bites, start chewing,
and they told them
to stop. (buzzer buzzes)
Stop chewing and take a swig of water.
So these two kids stopped chewing, take a swig of water,
put their glass down and immediately there's like particles,
like gross wafers, back-washed in two glasses
of those water.
And then they tell the kids to start mixing.
So, then you see the back-wash
in all eight glasses of water.
And then they cued the eight kids to take a sip.
Which of course, all the kids were like, uh no.
And then that's the end of the exercise.
But that's how they demonstrated STIs,
and I'll never forget that exercise.
This exercise was called Chunky Water
and I remember feeling so much relief
that I wasn't chosen to be a volunteer.
'Cause if I had, I don't think I would have ever had sex.
I think I would have just been celibate
for the rest of my life, that is terrifying.
Also, they didn't really even talk about
the different kinds of STI's,
except I remember they told us that gonorrhea was the clap
because your penis becomes infected,
and you have to pfft, clap it to get all the puss out.
(dramatic music)
- I don't even know if that is true.
- I don't know it that's how you do it?
But these were the scare tactics that were presented to me
when it came to sex ed.
So, seventh grade rolls around
and we start having split chapels and by the way,
the whole like slant and lens that sex was taught
to girls back at the school
was through like keep your men pure.
Keep your men pure because they've got wandering eyes,
and it's your responsibility to make sure
that those eyeballs don't land on your boobies,
'cause if they land on your boobies,
then he's sinning and your sinning and it's all sin.
Anyway, this teacher gets up and she takes the mic,
she was just like, um hey gals, um here I am.
Um, I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about sex.
In my experience with sex, and then she just
kinda goes into herself, like her eyes kinda glaze over.
Mind you we're in a chapel.
There is a cross behind us.
We had just finished singing a song
about how Jesus died for our sins.
And she's like, sex is the most wonderful thing.
It is between two people who love each other
and it can feel, so good.
But don't do it! (buzzer buzzes)
(laughs)
That was the most honest depiction of sex
I had ever received and I just remember being like,
this woman gets it.
Also, looking back at that story
that woman definitely got laid the night before.
Beautiful.
Seventh grade later that year, they decide to start
to integrate a little bit of reproduction
in our biology classes.
A little bit of the sex talk and then of course,
because we were repressed Christian, thirteen year old kids.
Everyone in seventh grade biology started drawing penises
in our science books, which was no bueno.
This caused our seventh grade science teacher
decided to teach us about sex.
But she wanted to take a more radical approach.
She wheeled in the TV, and of course,
whenever a teacher wheels in a TV
all the kids were like, yes.
Nature documentaries, woo-hoo!
We don't have to anything except maybe take some notes.
She's like, all right kids,
I have in my hands a video of a vacuum abortion.
She had an ultrasound for a vacuum abortion.
Mind you at this point,
I didn't know what a vacuum abortion is.
And I'm gonna put it on the TV,
and if I see any of y'all
putting your heads down, immediate detention.
Mind you, at this point in my development,
I still didn't really know how babies were made
which was crazy, crazy.
Eight grade rolls around, the school at this point,
decided to take a hard pivot.
We're gonna talk about sex in our bible classes.
Lucky for me, I had this teacher who was a certified weirdo.
He devoted an entire week to sexual eduction.
He told us that he had one testicle.
He told us he can no longer take road trips by himself
because when he gets to the hotel,
he knows there will be pay-per-view porn.
And that he will be tempted to masturbate.
He said that if you masturbate you will grow hair
on your palms to which all the boys in the class went
(gasps) and looked at their palms.
So, that was weird.
Just a recap, I'm about 13, 14, and I've learned sex
through an exercise called Chunky Water.
A teacher who tell me it's amazing but don't do it.
Ultrasound of a vacuum abortion.
This one man's sexual fantasies and confessions.
And that was middle school.
And high school, by that point, you're just rubbing elbows
with older kids and you learn through the grapevine.
When I first saw a penis, my freshman year of college,
and I held it in my hand, I cried.
(trumpet blares) (laughs)
So I signed up for a biology of sex class
at the University of Michigan, my freshman year.
And that's where I learned about sex.
Not 'til I was like 18, 19 years old.
And then I promptly loss my virginity when I was 19.
So like (claps) took care of that.
So that's my story about my sexual education.
It was wild.
I bet teens these days, I feel like have it down.
'Cause you have a valuable little asset
that I didn't have growing up called Google.
Don't be afraid to look it up.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
Sex is not a shameful thing.
Sex is something that you keep learning about.
I am, I'm 30, I'm still learning about sex.
(upbeat music)
(logo whooshing)