Clip -
“We have reports from Paris, that Diana, Princess of Wales, has been killed in a car accident. “
On August 31, 1997, the world sunk into
mourning at the news that their beloved Diana, princess of wales had passed away.
People publicly mourned not only for their princess but for the two
young boys that she had left behind - what would happen to them without their mother?
Today, nearly 24 years later, the two brothers stood side by side to unveil
a statue in commemoration of their mother. They had both survived their mother’s death
but seem to be dealing with it in very different ways.
Dealing with losing a parent is such a frightening prospect to me. So in researching and writing this
video, I’m hoping to learn from it myself, so I can be stronger in the face of it as well.
In order to understand how to deal with losing someone close to you, and handling your own grief,
I wanted to look at art - especially the stories of three fictional characters -
Wanda from the Marvel series Bruce Wayne from the Christopher
Nolan Dark Night series And finally, Harry Potter.
If you’re trying to avoid spoilers for WandaVision which is a relatively new show,
this is your spoiler alert warning, and check the screen for the timestamp to skip to.
Okay here we go spoilers ahead.
A lot of people didn’t enjoy Wandavision - but I thought it was an incredible display
of what happens to a person when they’re faced with intense grief.
Wanda loses her parents at a young age when their apartment is bombed,
but at least she has her brother, but later loses him too.
But when Vision dies, the person she loves, well it breaks her. Wanda cannot move on, she cannot
bury vision because it means burying all of her hopes for her future, for their future together.
We humans have no choice, but Wanda who is a powerful witch resurrects Vision and lives out
the fantasy of building a home and a family with him - but it comes at a great price.
This is what Harry is doing with Meghan - he is living out the fantasy
of saving his mother, from the press, from the royal family, from the British people.
Harry - “My mother was chased to her death while she was in a relationship
with someone that wasn’t white. And now look what’s happened.
You wanna talk about history repeating itself. They’re not going to stop until she dies.”
And Meghan is simulating that fantasy for him, manipulating his senses, drawing on parallels,
and dangling the ever looming possibility that he could lose yet another woman in his life.
This is why we constantly see Meghan mothering Harry, taking his hand, directing him,
hanging on to him, stopping him from speaking.
But this fantasy is preventing Harry from moving forward in his life.
In the Dark Night series, Bruce feels similarly stuck in his grief after watching his parents
gunned down. He is riddled with anger that a random act of violence took away his entire life.
The desire for vengeance is very tempting - to hurt someone the way they hurt you.
Bruce - “My parents deserved justice.” Rachel - “You’re not talking about justice.
You’re talking about revenge.” Bruce - “Sometimes
they’re the same.” Rachel - “No they’re never the same,
Bruce. Justice is about harmony, revenge is about you making yourself feel better.”
This is what I see in Prince Harry - a deep desire for vengeance. Even today
the way he talks about his mothers death is not that she died but she was taken from him.
Harry - “When my mum was taken away from me at the age of 12, right before my 13th birthday,
I didn’t want the life.”
But vengeance is not the answer. Rachel - “Look beyond your own pain,
Bruce. This city is rotting. They talk about the depression like
it’s history but it’s not. Things are worse than ever down here.”
It’s this understanding that changes Bruce from
being wrapped up in his own pain, to becoming a symbol for justice.
Now setting aside the cape and cowl, I see a lot of similarities between Bruce and Prince William.
William has identified that his grief is his super power that gives him the ability to
connect with others that have suffered similarly, and give them space to speak about it and heal.
William - “i think when you are believed at a very young
age anytime really but particularly young age i can i can resonate closely to that
you feel pain like no other pain and you know that in your life it's going to be very difficult to
come across something that's going to be even worse pain than that but it also brings you so
close to all those other people out there who have been braved so you instantly when you talk
to someone else you can almost see it in their eyes sometimes it's a weird thing to say but i
can you know somebody's particularly me someone's desperate to talk about grievance you can kind of
pick up on it quite quickly you can see it yeah they want to talk about it”
Ever since watching the Oprah and Harry documentary - The me you can’t see - I’ve
been trying to understand why Harry sharing his grief about his mother didn’t feel right to me.
And I think I finally realized it was because of the stark difference
between the way Harry and William talk about it.
Even when asked about his pain - William touches on it, and then moves past to how
it has impacted the way he sees other people, and how he sees the opportunity to help others.
While, Harry’s grief still has him looking inward, he’s still stuck on how his loss
and pain has impacted him. Now, he’s entitled to process everything
the way he wants, but I do think that if he were to step away from it,
and look beyond himself, he would be able to heal in a way that he just hasn’t yet.
The other part that really bothers me is that Harry is
actively monetizing the memory of his mother, as well as his grief.
Finally, I want to talk about the most important aspect of dealing with grief,
and that is strength. For this I want to talk about one of my favorite characters of all time.
I grew up reading the Harry Potter books, but only upon re-reading them as an adult
I have realized how deeply the theme of death is woven into the story. This fictional Harry too
experiences great loss at a young age, with his parents being killed when he was baby.
Years later when he stares into the mirror of Erised
he sees his greatest desire, to know his parents and his family, to have a home.
And having come across that dream, he cannot wrench himself away from it.
Dumbledore - “It it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”
Harry’s life continues to be riddled with loss when his Godfather, Sirius Black, the only
father figure he’s ever known, is killed. Sirius takes with him Harry’s last chance for a home.
Overcome with grief, Harry experiences a manic moment of hope that instead of passing on,
his godfather will hold on and come back as a ghost, as a figment of the real thing, just
so that he can be with Harry. But of course he doesn’t, and yet again Harry is forced to let go.
The ultimate test, comes for Harry when Albus Dumbledore is killed at the end of the 6th book.
As Harry’s greatest protector, Dumbledore offered him safety in a time of great peril,
but now he was gone. And instead of sinking into his grief, Harry decides to step up,
to take up the role that he needed to play in the war against Lord Voldemort.
As Jordan Peterson says often - “Be the most useful person at your father’s funeral”
Peterson - “i learned that one of the things you need to do if you're going to be a human
being is to prepare yourself to be useful in the face of death and so when you have a parent that
dies which you know shatters people's ideas often they can't even think about it if you can't even
think about that man you've got some thinking to do because you need to be able to at least
think about that because otherwise you're just going to be a wasteland when it happens and you
never know you could even have a higher ambition maybe you could even be useful when it happens
instead of being part of the heap of destroyed people who also have to be taken care of
you know and that's brutal you have to be brutal to be useful in the aftermath of your parents
death you know you don't get to crumble and fall apart and know you have every reason to”
And I agree with Peterson here - that it is a choice,
a choice to stand up and face up to what has happened to you.
This here is the biggest difference between Prince harry and Prince William.
Prince harry refused to think about his mother for many years
because it wasn’t going to change anything, but here’s how William approached it.
This is exactly what has happened. Prince William
has become stronger and wiser for what he has experienced
And I think Diana would be incredibly proud
of how William has come through the fog of grief and become an incredibly strong man and father.
And I hope that prince Harry can someday follow his example, and heal as well.
Thank you for watching everyone!
And thank you for indulging me while I talked on and on about Harry Potter,
I honestly do find the series incredibly deep and full of important lessons. If you’re interested in
Harry Potter content, please tell me because I’m practically desperate to talk about it in depth.
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See you next time!