So what you're saying is, I have transported through time
Today we are going to be doing something , also manly, because Simon had so many complaints about everything
So I got a 4D Black mask for men (HUH?)
And it's whitening and anti-wrinkle assist 2 functions certification
There are so many things that I find confusing about this from the beginning
First of all, it's a black mask that's whitening
Black mask because it's made from the word I can't pronounce "charcoil"
That's charcoal
Charcoil, that's what I said
There's no "I"
Charcoil
Char-Char Coal-Coal Charcoal-Charcoail, Charcoil
What I find the most confusing about this is not that this is a black mask for men
Or that it's whitening, or that its anti-wrinkle assist 2 functions certification
It's that it's for the 4D
FOUR DIMENSIONS!!! SPACETIME! YOU'RE TRANSPORTED INTO THE PAST
BACK WHEN BLACK FACE WAS ACCEPTABLE
It was never acceptable, you hear that Korea? NEVER ACCEPTABLE
Okay forget 4D, let's just make it 3D
What face mask is not 3D?
As soon as you put anything on your face it's gonna be 3D
Is there such thing as a 2D face mask?
That only, like, hovers on the outside dimension of your face?
You see what I'm saying?
toodie
Hah hah (I literally cannot type Simons laugh, it's like Goofy, only Dothrakier)
What face mask is not?!
I'll tell you why, because its anti-wrinkle
And anti-wrinkle makes you look younger, so you're going back in time to look younger
That's the fouth dimension that they're talking about
They're covering the dimension of length, width and height as well as time
Okay so what you're saying is, if I took both of these, and put them on my boobs
It would take me back in time and give me a perky, grade 9, high school boob all over again?
Let me just tell you: if you had 2 of these S&M bondage things on your boobs
I'd be greatly confused and concerned
Because your know what this face mask needs?
It needs one of those little balls, this is so creepy looking
Well it has instructions here, you gotta like
Unfold the horrifying mask
HUH!
*Giggles*
God what?!
Okay, you unfold it
Oh, this feels really, really gross
Is this what girls do to themselves?
So
Are you ready?
No
Let's get out the whip and do some gentle ass play
*whip*
The safety word, is "Spuktrumpet"
*Laughter*
This is an inappropriate episode , okay ready?
Help me
Okay, aim for your eyes, keep your eyes open
And drag it up, okay
This is not going to match your nose
Okay wait, come here, turn more
Now, tell me what you see in the future
With your 4D abilities
GO SIMON! WHAT DO YOU PREDICT?!
I PREDICT THAT ANOTHER K-POP BAND IS GOING TO BE FORMED
WOOAH
That's a really good one
In fact, while this video is being filmed
3 more bands are making their debuts
I predict, more dubstep, everywhere
A return of harpsichords, as a musical
This tickles my lip so much, oh my god, its terrible
ARRRGGGHGGGGHHH
You know when you get those lip tickles? and they're the worst? It just tickles your lips
Okay I'm better now
I have a really good idea
Okay
I'll be right back
I have a feeling that this video is going bring about a slew of angry comments
From people saying how inappropriate this is
I DIDN'T INVENT THIS OKAY? I'M JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT THIS IS LIKE
Hokay, whatcha doin'?
I'm back
Okay
Close your eyes
Uhh, I don't trust you
*Mumbles*
Who's your daddy?
SPUNKTRUMPET!!!
*Laughter*
What do you want for your birthday? Tell me what you want for your birthday
And thus is the evolution of S&M entertainment
That's right, S and M, get it?
Hey remember our last video when we said Martina's face mask was scary looking? How 'bout this one?
Oh Simon, don't scare people
yup
HUH!
AHH!
You've had this on for quite some time now
Are you prepared to remove it and feel
Your whitening and anti-wrinkle assist 2 functions certification?
Okay
Where is this certificate? It didn't come with this
How do I know this is certified-ly
Like a commercial, you are to smile and gently pat your face
You're a bioglow commercial take the front and center here, ready?
Do it
I feel like I've secreted all over my facial glands
Ugh, nasty
How do I smell, do I smell okay?
OH SICK! NO! EWWW! ARRHHH!
You're rough beard was rough!!!
OH I'm so sorry Duckie!
Oh! ugh wet in the ear again!
Thats what you get!
I'm sorry
Safety word! What is it?!
SPUNKTRUMPET!
But you do look younger and less wrinkly
*Sings sexily*
IT WAS A TRICK! YOU DON'T!