are you anxious if you are you know the effects it has on you now if you're in a
relationship those effects that anxiety does to you
are multiplied the reason is because when you're in a relationship the way
you react to your own anxiety affects how you react to your partner and your
partner doesn't know that many times they have no idea what's going on in
your head unless you tell them and so if you think about it they may withdraw or
leave the relationship because they think you're rejecting them and in fact
it's not them you're rejecting it's what's going on in your head I'm gonna
talk to you today about how anxiety causes so many rifts in a relationship
I'm gonna go through a few and then at the very end I'm gonna tell you how you
can prevent that in the immediate circumstance therapy helps a lot with
anxiety but if you're out in public and you need a quick fix that's what I'm
gonna do at the end so the first way it sabotages you is it breaks down your
ability to communicate it breaks it down because when you're consumed with your
own thoughts the only person you're thinking about is
yourself you are totally self consumed and that's
the second part of this you're so consumed with what's going on in you
that you have a somewhat selfishness about you because your partner may
reveal something to you that they really need support but because of what you're
hearing you're in a paranoid mode or you're in a panic mode and you can't
attend to what they're saying it also causes you to act like you're
non-committal like you don't really care what's you know what's with the
relationship or the person it's not that you're non-committal at all in fact you
might love this person the problem is is that you can't you can't get out of your
own head you're locked in there it becomes a vicious circle
the anxiety tells you you're not good enough
you don't look good enough you don't you're not the person that your partner
wants to be with and you start reacting to that you start krumping you start not
putting yourself out there you start limiting what you will allow yourself to
say to your partner anxiety makes you unable to express your true essence your
grace you can't talk about it with your partner you're terrified of being
vulnerable you're terrified of the thoughts you're having and lastly it
makes you so that you are joyless so more than likely your partner won't want
to be around you because you'll be a downer you're a downer because you're
beating up on yourself so bad you cannot possibly see any reason someone out
there would love you I mean it's completely robbed your confidence which
is a broad word that really means your inner truth your essence you no longer
feel competent to be a partner to your partner now if you need an immediate fix
the first thing I'm going to tell you something many therapists have told you
and that is to breathe the reason we keep saying that is because it works if
you take a big breath in and you count four in and then you count six out very
slow you will begin to interrupt that anxiety cycle but you have to do it
again in fact you have to look at your watch and you have to do that for a
whole minute and a half once you're a little bit calmer then it's really
important that you soften your eyes you soften your eyes towards your partner so
instead of this or this or whatever you're doing you soften the biggest
muscle you can soften is your job when you soften your
the rest of your face somehow relaxes I've learned this doing videos I'm still
not great at it also if you soften your eyes your pupils
will get a little bit bigger it's like stretching your eyes think of stretching
your eyes when you extend that toward your partner they can see a relaxation
they'll know how to deal with you better and lastly immediately as fast as you
can focus on being kind towards a partner if your partner isn't there if
you by yourself focus on something calming kind to do for you that may be
as simple as hugging yourself maybe as simple as putting your head down and
praying anything you can do to extend kindness in this moment will totally
distract anxiety now the problem is when you're in a real anxiety or panic attack
you feel like you're gonna die the last thing you're going to be able to do is
be kind toward another person or especially toward your partner you
probably gonna grab them and say save me save me I'm gonna feel like that anyway
what I want you to do is interrupt it with a breath interrupt it first with
two nice cleansing breaths and then right away we focus on being kind let me
know how that goes for you please leave comments and we'll talk more about what
anxiety does in relationships a little bit more into the month because I'm
seeing more and more of it in my practice and I'm realizing this is
really important and it's all about giving back to you guys have a fantastic
day