Bismillah, Assalamu Alaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.
This is Sarah Sultan here with Yaqeen Institute.
And today I want to speak with you a little bit about one of the common thoughts that
tend to come up when we've been through something difficult and particularly when we've struggled
with a betrayal of trust.
And that thought is how can I ever trust again?
When we go through a situation when someone hurt us or has betrayed our trust or has disappoint
us very intensely the emotions that we feel can be so powerful we can almost feel them
physically.
A lot of times people describe being betrayed by somebody as feeling like you've been punched
in the stomach.
That's how intense the emotions are when we feel like we've been betrayed by someone.
And what's really unique about the trauma of betrayal is that it's two fold.
That first we experience the situation or we suddenly realize that somebody that we've
been vulnerable with, somebody that we tenderly placed our trust with, has lied to us and
broken that trust.
And the second part is we suddenly realize that we've been duped.
That we've been fooled into thinking we've been able to trust this person for such a
long time and then we suddenly realize that we've been lied to.
So we start to doubt that person but we also start to doubt ourselves and wonder how did
I not pick up on the signs for so long.
What sometimes happens with the experience of betrayal is that it extends to a lot of
different parts of our lives, including our relationship with Allah (swt).
Where if somebody that you've trusted so deeply could betray you, you wonder, can I ever trust
again?
Should I risk trusting again and we even start to doubt, can I even trust Allah (swt)?
And that can be a very scary thought for a lot of us.
So why do these thoughts develop?
The struggle that we can sometimes have in even trusting Allah (swt) is something, it's
falls under the umbrella of something called over-generalizetion and this is a cognitive
distortion.
Over generalization basically means basing our complete view of the world and people
on one single event or one single bad occurrence that happens in our lives.
So basically the idea of carrying an umbrella with you because you experience one rainy
day and you have this umbrella over your head constantly.
And so we're always expecting because one person hurt us that every single person will
hurt us and we try to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, from feeling disappointed by
never allowing ourselves to trust a person to prevent ourselves from getting hurt.
And sometimes this can even extend to our fear of being disappointed even by Allah (swt).
Realistically we know that Allah (swt) is so different from human beings, completely
different.
Incomparable.
But emotionally it's a very different story.
So one thing that is important for us to be aware of when we're thinking about this thought
is how it develops, right.
So for example if you have a good friend and she hurts you where she said something bad
about you behind your back then the thought trajectory that tends to happen is I've devoted
so much to this relationship and she's done this to me then I must not matter to her and
if I don't matter to her than I must not matter to anyone so what's the point in even investing
in relationships if I don't matter anyway.
In order to be aware of the way our thought process develops is one thing that I think
a very powerful reminder for all of us is that a lot of times our relationships with
everybody that we encounter but even our relationship with Allah (swt) can emulate our previous
relationships.
So our relationship with Allah can often be like our relationships with people that we've
experienced.
So if people have hurt us then we will assume that Allah (swt) will hurt us even though
rationally we know that this is not true.
So one tip that I want to leave you with to consider in order to overcome these over-generalizations
of thoughts that we experience of thoughts that we might experience is to ask ourselves
what, first of all, are some of the thoughts that we might experience that are overarching
themes that we imagine our entire life is gonna fall into and then ask ourselves is
there any evidence that you could have what would you need, what evidence would you need
in order to see that this over generalization is not true.
And once you can determine that okay what evidence do I need in order to feel like I
can actually trust someone for example then ask yourself does this evidence exist?
Does it already exist?
Because it might be that we just don't see it.
With regards to our relationship with Allah (swt) for example, that evidence is already
there if we just look at it.
Every breath that we take is entrusting Allah (swt) that our lungs will expand to accept
it.
Every time we take a bite of food we're entrusting Allah (swt) that that bite of food is gonna
provide nourishments.
So the evidence that we can trust is there if we just look for it.
Try and explore that inshallah.
If you'd like to know more about the idea of over generalizations, get a lot more practical
tips, and just get a deeper understanding of why you might be struggling with these
thoughts and how to overcome them then take a look inshallah at the next article in the
Your lord has not forsaken you series on the Yaqeen Institute website.