When should you ask someone you'd been seeing long distance to commit and how do you get
a guy's attention? Welcome to Ask Mark. It's week number 45 and it's great to be back on
this week. Before we get into the questions today, I have some exciting news. I am creating
a texting guide, uh, how to, what to text guide beyond the one we've already got. You
can get the one we've already got if you haven't downloaded it yet. I'll put the link in the
description, but I'm going to make another one. And for that I need your help. So I want
you to send me through your most confusing or uncertain text situations. mark@makehimyours.com.au.
Put the subject line it's "What to Text Him." You can send four to eight screenshots if
need be. Any more than that's probably too much, but send here a few screenshots so I
can get a vibe for the conversation and I'm going to incorporate it as part of this new
product on, on tricky texting situations.
So help me out. Send that through. Let's get into this week's questions about commitment,
long distance, and it's a really good one. I love this. Don't forget, if you haven't
already subscribe, hit the little bell and join that Facebook group where we're having
really good chats.
First question is from Martina. Martina says, thank you Mark. Great advice. All your videos
are helping me gain perspective about my situation. I'd like to have your opinion though. I just
came home from a study abroad program where I met a local guy that became a really good
friend. We spent almost every day together. I met his family few times, went on holiday
together. Over time, I started to see him as a potential boyfriend. So this is, this
is super beautiful. I had a conversation with him about this before going home. He also
saw me as a potential girlfriend.
However, he felt unsure about commitment because of the distance. They would separate us. He
had a long distance relationship in the past. It didn't go well. I understood he wasn't
ready, so we agreed on staying friends. It's been two months since coming home. We still
text and call every day. Uh, text everyday, call a few times a week. He's coming to visit
me for Christmas to spend the holidays together. Next May, I would go back to that country
for a job. Our conversations are still positive, supporting. I still think of him as boyfriend
material. Still have feelings as there will be an end point to the distance. I would like
to talk to him again about us. I would like to understand if he still has feelings, his
insecurity and tell him that we can work together to overcome them. In your opinion, should
I do it now and be honest with him or should I wait until Christmas and we are face to
face?
Okay. Long distance. So this is a topic that I'm very passionate about talking about because
so many mistakes get made in it. Long distance, there has to be an end point. If you're going
to look for commitment, don't have open-ended commitments where you're not going. You don't
know when you're next going to see each other. This is the type of situation where these
two can actually make a commitment. That's why I love this question. She's getting a
job there in May. There's a foreseeable end. They've known each other quite some time.
They've spent a lot of time together and she said, based on everything I know about him,
around his family, meeting him, this guy could be boyfriend material for me. And she's really
taking her time to get to know him. So he was a bit unsure at first. And remember men
are going to sell themselves on the emotional experience. Men commit based on that emotional
experience.
So Martina, at this point, the emotional experience is obviously good. You're still talking regularly.
It's called texting, but it's not as good as if you're in person. So my advice, Martina
is wait, absolutely wait until you're in person at Christmas. This is going to be a great
time to have this conversation because you'll spend some good time together and that's when
you can chat to him and you can say, Hey look, you know, the next few months is this something
like I want to make sure we're on the same page going forward and see what he wants to
do. And you say, look, you know obviously like you, if you want to keep yourself open,
I'll keep myself open to the other options in the meantime. You know, I do, I do feel
strongly for you though and I would love to see where it goes in the future.
You know, I'm really excited to see you in May and and have that proper time together
again. So is this something, you know, do you want to say like let's, let's put some
commitment on this but wait until he's there because at that point, he'll have had some
great emotional experiences with you and that'll be the point where you guys can have a really
upfront honest communication about it because you'll be in person face to face. So this
is the way, this is the commitment model for long distance is wait till the person is there,
then have that chat and see if they want to be on the same page as you. Don't cage the
bird when there's no end point. It's more to appease your own insecurities then because
there would be a functional relationship at the end of it. The second question is from
Hannah and Hannah says, Hi Mark. I've been trying to make eye contact with the guy at
my workplace so we can hopefully strike up a conversation, but he doesn't normally look
in my direction that much. Do you have any advice on how to get someone to look at you?
Hannah, I have some of the best advice in the world? I had to get someone to look at
you. Okay. Three powerful, powerful strategies to get someone to look at you. Number one,
start a fire. Seriously, if you want people, especially if you're in an office job, if
you sit at your desk alight, people look at you.
Number two, rip a pants. These have saved me in so many situations where people weren't
looking at me. You pull out the rip a pants, people will look at you and number three projectiles,
you throw a stapler and hit him in the back of the head or you find a cat and you throw
it at him, that dude's gonna look at you. Now, if all of those fail, if all of those
fail, there's still the option to start a conversation and doing that, he may will look
at you as well.
Oh, the third question is from Deena and Deena says a Hi Mark. I am traveling working abroad
with my child as a single mum. What about when you meet a guy who you know is really
interested in you and is imagining being with you and excited things you would do together
but without the child in the picture for awhile he asked if I've ever consider allowing my
little one to stay with close family for a year or so in order to help focus my career.
I'm happy having my child with me. He has free schooling which comes with the job. What
is this man trying to get at and should I end it before it gets serious? We've only
been dating for just over a month. He always asks how my son is and we are at an age where
having a child no longer an issue. As many people in our age group have families, could
you post a video about this, please?
So do you know, I think this is a great idea. By all means, send your child away for it.
Send your child away for five years. I think this is brilliant. Uh, if you want to raise
the most emotionally avoidant, uncertain child in history. Deena, no, no, get in a way from
this. What? I can't believe someone would even have the audacity to ask this first of
all. The second you've only been dating a month. Okay? Deena, you know you are still
not emotionally involved enough where you can, you know, you can see the forest from
the trees. You can get out of this. Get out of this, okay. I don't know what this guy's
playing at. Look, don't get me wrong. There'll be times when a man takes priority over your
child. For example, a man will sit in the front seat even if the child complains about
it of your car.
But that's, that's the extent of it. You know as you get to know someone better, if the
child kicks up a massive stink because you want to go on a date night. Well no, you put
your boundaries in place. You probably gonna still go on a date night. This is not that.
So many red flags here, Deena. Get away from this one. I can't believe a guy would even
have the audacity to ask. Okay, and let's finish on a positive note here. I guess I'll
also need to comment in here says Aggie. The avatar in one of my, one of the previous videos
paying on ta date was Klaymen from the neverhood. She nailed it. Thank you, Aggie. You are my
new favorite subscriber. Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions on the content
of this video. I'd love to hear you. Post your questions below and for next week as
well. Give the video a thumbs up and make sure you subscribe and hit the little bell
and don't forget to send me through confusing text situations. I'm happy to review four
to eight screenshots. mark@makehimyours.com.au. Creating a new product, I want to know what
you're struggling with as it relates to text, so make sure you send those through and join
that Facebook group as well. Thank you for watching, and I'll see you next week.
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